Page 38 of Wolf

She shakes her head, mostly at herself. She looks up at me. “Will you tell me about prison?”

I sputter, taken by surprise. “What do you want to know about that for?”

“Because I do. Humor me?” She smiles.

Because of that smile, I’ve got no other choice. For the first time, I talk about what it was like, starting with the process of getting arrested and charged. She lays her head on me, silent, listening, accepting. Her silence pulls the words out of me.

I tell her about the prison and how the lifers have better rooms, more amenities. I tell her about the day’s schedule, the different activities, both required and voluntary. What I keep to myself is how the gangs formed, how there were always fights and injuries and rapes. Those are for me to have nightmares about. Not her.

“How long were you in there?” she whispers.

“Six years.” And then I wince and hope she’s too tired to realize.

Of course, she notices. “Six years!” She sits up a little and looks down at me, blue eyes wide. “You were gone almost the whole time that I was.”

“Yeah. Lay back down, Julia.”

She won’t. I see the connection being made in her head and I know I’m fucked. Though we’re still so close to her, she’s withdrawing.

“Exactly when were you arrested?” she whispers. “Was it… Was it before or after you broke up with me?”

A terrible knowledge shines in her eyes. She already knows the answer. There’s nothing I can do to make it better. Can’t prove her wrong when she’s right.

I sit up and take her hand. Her fingers stay limp in mine. Yeah, she’s pulled away alright and I hate myself. If I could beat up on myself like I did to the stalker, I would. That’s what I deserve.

“I broke up with you after I got arrested,” I tell her. “I was set up, but I knew I was gonna be put away anyway. I knew the time I was lookin’ at. Years. Fuck, I couldn’t put you through all that waitin’, so I made it a clean break.”

Tears rise in her eyes, and she leans back from me, pulling her hand away. “Why couldn’t you have told me? Why did I have to leave for years and years, never knowing why you suddenly hated me?”

“You know I never could have hated you!”

“Well, what is a girl supposed to think when her boyfriend breaks up with her out of the blue?” Her voice rises to a shout as the tears trickle down her cheeks.

I open my mouth to explain to her. I need to tell her what I know now about how I was framed, and how at the time I was trying to protect her and save her pain.

She scrambles backwards off the bed. She’s so beautiful naked and just fucked that the words inside me die an even harder death than they already would have. I can’t tell her that it was her father who set me up. I don’t know if she would believe me. Maybe she would? But I don’t want to put that guilt on her and her mom. Anything else I could say to her now would just be excuses. She deserves more than that. Since that’s all I’ve got, I have nothing to say.

“I think I should go.” Julia swipes at her face. “Mom. Artie. I’ve got to get back to them.”

A lump forms in my throat. I have a feeling she was planning to stay the whole night before I fucked it up.

Maybe it’s better this way. If I hadn’t fucked up and had to tell her everything, she’d be living without all the information. That’s not fair, to keep the whole story from her. She probably would have found out anyway.

At least we got to spend this time together, I think, and feel sick with guilt for having such a thought.

“Let’s go, then.” I swing my legs to the floor.

Julia holds up a hand. I see her scratches, remember that we washed off the ointment and didn’t put on new stuff yet. “I’ll be okay.”

“Fuck that. I’m seein’ you home safe.” She starts to protest and I frown at her. “You know I’m too much of a stubborn bastard to be talked out of it, so why don’t you save us both the time by not sayin’ anything?”

She lowers her head and wraps her arms over her breasts. “Fine,” she mumbles.

I tail her to the bathroom. I keep my eyes off her ass or else there’s no telling what might happen.

Julia enters the bathroom and tosses my clothes out into the hall for me. When we’re both dressed, I follow her outside. She goes to her car across the road.

“Julia?” I call out to her.