Page 65 of The Duke’s Impossible Match

“It’s just the way life is, Teddy. I’m sorry, but I don’t have a better response than that.”

“It’s not fair,” he said, stamping his foot before turning away and running back outside. Clara watched him from the window. He went to the others, and she assumed he told them that Gerald might not visit them again. The children threw their hands up and fell back. They looked morose, and Clara couldn’t help but feel responsible.

Gerald had shown an interest in returning to the orphanage, but would he really do so while Clara was present? Surely it would be far too awkward for both of them, and he might think that it wasn’t worth the hassle. The children would cope with it in time, she was certain, but the next few weeks were going to be difficult.

For them, and for her.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Gerald was sitting in his study, a glass of brandy in his hands. The fire crackled at a low heat, the air filled with a smoky scent. Eleanor breezed in and settled on a couch opposite him, her hands falling into her lap.

“When will Clara return? I wanted to get her opinion on some dresses. I hoped that the next time we attend an event together we could wear complementary gowns,” she said.

Gerald took a slow sip of brandy. It was time to reveal the truth. He didn’t take his gaze off the embers as he spoke.

“I’m afraid Clara isn’t going to come by again. That… is over,” he said. The finality of the words struck his heart like a hammer. They tasted bitterer than he thought they would. Even the taste of brandy wasn’t enough to wash them away.

Eleanor gasped, and her eyes widened. She leaned forward. “Why? What happened? If you have quarreled, I’m sure there is a way to make peace. Oh brother, what did you do?”

Gerald smirked.

“I find it telling that you believe the thought was mine.”

Eleanor drew back.

“Do you mean to say that Clara ended your courtship?”

“The courtship… never truly began. Eleanor, I must reveal something to you, and I hope you will not be angry. The truth is that I saw how difficult it was for you to be overshadowed by my presence. I didn’t want to be a distraction, so I asked Clara if she would pretend to court me. I hoped that this would prevent others from lavishing attention on me, giving you the space to flourish.”

“You lied to me. You both lied to me,” Eleanor said. “I thought she was my friend.”

“She was. She is. There was never any pretense about that, and she did express concern that you would be hurt by our actions. The fault lies with me. I was the one who suggested it, and I told her that I would only help the orphanage if she agreed.”

“Gerald!” Eleanor gasped, staring at him with such horror that he might well have just confessed to killing a man in cold blood. He felt just as wretched as though he had.

“I was going to help anyway, but I knew that she would never agree unless I held some leverage over her.”

“This is most unconscionable. I understand that you had my best interests at heart, but even so… to go to these lengths to deceive everyone. I truly believed that a proposal would soon follow. I thought we would soon need to plan for a wedding and that Clara would be like a sister to me.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint.” Gerald took another sip of brandy. “If it makes you feel any better, events have taken a grim toll on me. I have not come out of the situation unscathed.”

“In what way?”

“In the way that matters most terribly. In a cruel irony I fell in love with her, Eleanor.”

Eleanor gripped the edge of the couch. Her eyes went wide and her mouth hung open.

“You love her? Well then why-”

“Because I wronged her,” Gerald said. “I asked her to lie to her family, friends, even to herself, perhaps. She thanked me for my kindness. She wished me happiness, and I know it must have taken a toll on her to leave without bidding you a proper farewell.”

“But I don’t understand. Did you not tell her how you felt?”

“I did more than that. I showed her. After the speeches at the benefit, I lost myself and I kissed her. I suppose that was an insult to her as well.” He rose from the couch and moved to the fire. There, he picked up a poker and stoked the fire, moving the coals around. Orange flames glowed a little more brightly.

“You kissed her?”

“I know. It was terrible of me. I simply could not help myself. She was radiant, Eleanor, and I was quite consumed by my feelings. Not that they matter now, of course. I shall just have to bury them deep inside me.”