Page 64 of The Duke’s Impossible Match

“We went for a walk this morning. He thanked me for everything I’d done, and told me that our agreement had come to an end. There were signs that he might have felt something more, but I suppose I must have misread them,” she said, for she certainly wasn’t going to tell Mary about the kiss.

“I see.”

“I know he never promised me anything more, but it seemed so cold. We spent so much time together over the past few weeks, and now it’s over in the span of one conversation. I’m not sure how my instincts could have led me so astray. Why did I allow myself to feel these things? Why couldn’t I have been stronger?”

“Do not blame yourself, Clara. There is no fault in having an open heart. There is nothing stronger than loving someone,” Mary said. Clara wasn’t entirely sure about that. She didn’t feel strong at all. “And you don’t know that your instincts were wrong.”

Clara sniffed and looked up, a confused look upon her face.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a gentleman’s heart is not always as clear as his intentions.”

“I cannot build a life on intentions,” Clara said. “If he wanted anything more there were plenty of opportunities for him to say as much. The fact he could dismiss me so easily proves that he wants nothing more to do with me.”

“You should not despair, Clara. Sometimes we have to be patient for true love. Gerald was not the man for you, but that doesn’t mean the right person isn’t out there. You may not have even met him yet,” she said.

Clara gave a wan smile, although she took no comfort in the words. Frankly she didn’t want to be in love again. It was difficult, challenging, and the reward did not seem worth the cost. Besides, how could she love anyone else when her feelings for Gerald were left unresolved? It was best that she resign herself to her fate. She would live for other people, never herself, because that’s what she was good at.

That’s what people expected from her.

The following day, Clara was at the orphanage. The children were outside, playing with Duke. Clara was tidying their toys. Teddy came inside.

“Oh Teddy, have you come to help me tidy up?” she asked.

Teddy took one look at the toys, but did not move.

“When is Gerald coming?” he asked.

“You know it’s proper to address him as ‘His Grace’,” Clara said, keeping her voice determinedly light. Lighter than the aching stone in her heart.

“When is His Grace coming?” Teddy asked.

“I’m not sure.”

“Will it be today?”

“I don’t know.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Teddy…”

“The day after?”

Clara lost her composure for a moment and slammed a toy into the toy box. She took a deep breath and held her palms out straight in front of her.

“Teddy, it might be a while before Gerald… before His Grace,” she corrected herself, “comes to visit again. I think it’s best if you focus on playing with the others and remember how things were before he started spending time here. However, with the funds we raised, we will be able to do more fun things and get new toys and books,” Clara said, imbuing her voice with a sense of excitement in the hope that it would be transferred to Teddy.

But Teddy looked downcast.

“Doesn’t he like us anymore?” he said, pouting.

“Of course he does, but Dukes are busy people. They have many people depending on them and a lot of business to conduct. You’ll understand when you’re older, but we can’t always do what we want. There are lots of things that make demands on our time.”

“You’re old. You get to do what you want all the time. You’re the one who says that when we’re older we can eat as much cake as we want, but while we’re children you tell us how much we can eat. How can people be happy if they can never do what they want?” he asked, getting a little agitated.

It was a fine question, Clara thought, and she didn’t have a ready answer for him.