Page 52 of Knight’s Retribution

Luna’s eyes were filled with sorrow but not pity. “Don’t push it if you’re not ready, you’ll only hurt yourself more. Rocco will wait until you are.”

“He’s said that and I believe him, but what if I’m never ready? It hurts him, even though he tries to pretend it doesn’t. I see it in his eyes.”

“When I met Zenon, he didn’t like to be touched, he still doesn’t by anyone but me really. He was born in Hell, and he’s suffered so much in his life. It took time, but as the trust grew between us, when he finally saw me—and not the evil demon bitch who had hurt him so badly—everything changed.”

“I trust Rocco, I do…”

“But?” Eve asked.

“Diemos…he liked to make himself look like Rocco, he’d make me forget where I was, how I got there, and for a short time, I’d believe it. That we were in my apartment, that we were happy, and then he’d change back to himself and I’d feel the loss and fear like it was brand new all over again. When he hurt me, it was always while wearing Rocco’s face, using his voice. He filled my head with awful things and I…I think…I started to believe them.” It was the first time she’d admitted that, even to herself. “I doubted that he’d ever cared for me, and the relentless…” She searched for the right words.

“Brainwashing?” Meredith said, steel in her voice. “It was brainwashing, Ky. Making you see Rocco when he hurt you, or was cruel, was a way of conditioning you. He was trying to make you fear Roc, so you would lose all hope, so they could control you.”

Kyler wrapped her arms around her knees. “He touched me a lot, always holding me tight, so tight, but he didn’t…” She shook her head. “He wanted me to give myself to him freely, all of me, mind, body, and soul. He wanted me to hand him my free will, and I…I almost did. To make it stop, god, I almost did.” She looked up at the females around her. “I doubted Rocco. I let Diemos get in my head.”

“And you feel guilty?” Eve said. “Like you betrayed Rocco in some way?”

Kyler nodded, and tears streaked down her cheeks. “Y-yes. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel.” She shook her head. “My head is…it’s all in a jumble and I’m so confused, and god, I’m so fucking scared…all the time—”

“We’re going to get you through this, Kyler, we’re going to help you, Roc will help you,” Eve said. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re so strong. God, so incredibly strong. You’re a survivor. You survived Diemos, Ky. After that, you can survive anything, you can get through anything.”

She took in the strong, brave females sitting with her, and she wanted to believe that. She wanted to get to the place where they were now. She wanted it so badly it hurt.

She swiped her hand over her cheek, brushing away her tears. “Thank you, all of you.” Then she smiled. It was watery and lopsided, but for the first time in so long, she felt…hope.

“Whenever you need us, day or night, we’re here for you. Don’t forget that,” Grace said.

Kyler nodded, fighting back a fresh wave of tears, but this time not sad ones. “So, when’s the next class? I really like the idea of kicking demon ass.”

Grace whooped and Kyler giggled, then they were laughing. Kyler wasn’t sure why they were all laughing. Maybe it was tension release after such a tough conversation, but it was wonderful.

And that’s how Rocco found her, sitting on the floor, exhausted, sweaty, and laughing while tears rolled down her cheeks.

Chapter 15

Kyler lay in the dark, unable to sleep. It had been like this the last five nights. Rocco was sleeping by her side. If she reached out, she could touch him. He’d been there for her in every way she’d let him since he’d brought her here, and every day, she saw the sadness grow in his dark blue eyes.

Rocco loved her, and though he knew she wasn’t rejecting him, the physical distance between them was hurting him. It didn’t matter how many times he denied it, she knew him, and somehow, she felt that pain like it was her own.

She’d been to several more of Grace’s training sessions, and after, they’d sit and talk like they had the first time. Those talks had helped more than she thought possible. Hearing their struggles, their pain, was helping her understand her own.

Meredith had been right. Diemos, with the help of Taren, had been conditioning her, trying to brainwash her to turn against Rocco, and they’d twisted him in her mind. They’d deliberately confused her, making her doubt him and herself.

Rocco wasn’t the male they tried to turn him into. The Rocco they’d showed her repeatedly, didn’t exist. He’d never existed. She knew this, but her mind kept trying to play tricks on her.

The things Mia had said about Zenon, about their breakthrough, filtered through her mind.

When he saw me and not the evil demon bitch who hurt him so badly, everything changed.

Kyler turned her head on her pillow and looked at Rocco. He was in shadow, but he was awake as well. She could tell by the way he was breathing. It was rough, choppy, like he was in pain. It was always like that lately, especially when they were together in this bed, and she thought that might have something to do with her.

“Rocco?”

“Yeah?”

If this was going to work, she needed to see him. She needed to look into his eyes and see her male. Her loving, kind, strong, sexy-as-fuck male, and not the false images Diemos had planted in her mind. “Could you turn on the bedside lamp, please?”

It clicked on immediately. He was lying on his back, and the lamplight washed its soft, buttery glow over his bare chest. He’d gained more weight, all muscle. He was thicker everywhere, almost back to the way he’d been before.