Page 53 of Knight’s Retribution

“What’s going on? You okay?”

She licked her lips, nerves curling in her belly. “I thought I might…I wanted to try something.”

He didn’t move, not the tiniest bit. “Yeah, what’s that?”

Kyler rolled to her side, one hand under her pillow, the other resting on the mattress. “When I was in Hell… I told you how Diemos would pretend to be you, and logically, I know all the awful things he did and said—”

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said roughly, like he could read her mind.

She licked her lips again, nerves swirling inside her. She pushed them back. If this was going to work, if they were going to move forward, she needed to tell him everything.

Yes, he knew Diemos often changed his face to look like Rocco to torment her, but he didn’t know the extent of it. There were parts of that she’d only shared with the other females, that she’d kept from him. “Roc, when Diemos hurt me, when he…tortured me, he did it…as you, with your face and your voice.”

Rocco froze, every muscle going rock solid. His eyes flashed black, and his demon rolled below his skin. He sucked in a breath, then another, sharp inhales and growled out exhales.

“Rocco?”

He closed his eyes and dragged in several more breaths. “I need a minute, Ky.”

She gave him a minute, but he still looked like he was barely hanging on to his control. “I shouldn’t have told you that…”

His eyes snapped open, and the black had spread, covering every bit of white. “No,” he said, his voice blending with his demon, resonating through her, lifting goose bumps all over her skin. “I want you to tell me. I need to know everything. It sure as fuck helps me understand where you’re coming from and why you’re seriously struggling, especially with me touching you.”

Surprisingly, his eyes, glossy and black like that, didn’t scare her. His demon was part of him, and she loved all of him, even the darkness. She moved a little closer, and he tracked her like the predator he was. “I’d started associating the pain, the humiliation I felt—”

“With me,” he rasped.

She forced herself to go on, not easy with that agonized look on his face, agony she was causing. But keeping this locked up inside wasn’t helping either of them. “It was so real, and the betrayal was, it was…god, devastating. At first, I actually believed it was you, that’s how convincing he was, and it messed with me on a deeper level than even I realized. The first time he hurt me with your face, something…fractured inside me, and I’ve been trying to put it back together since.”

“Christ, baby, I wish you’d told me this before.”

His voice was still blended with his demon, and he watched her, unwavering, but now his eyes were flicking between black and deep blue. “I didn’t want to hurt you more than I already had.”

“You don’t need to worry about me. You sure as fuck don’t need to protect me. That’s my job, I look after you.”

She moved her hand a little closer, and he tracked that too. “You were right about your brothers’ mates, they’re so nice, and they’re tough and caring and we’ve gotten into the habit of talking after we train. They’ve helped me so much.”

“Fucking glad, baby.”

“Mia shared a little about Zenon, how when he stopped seeing the ones who hurt him and started seeing her, really seeing her, things started to change.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “I think avoiding this, avoiding touching you, is the wrong way to go about it.”

His strong throat worked. “Okay?”

“I thought that perhaps I’d touch you, but this time I’m not going to close my eyes when I start to feel the urge to pull away. I know I do that, and when I close my eyes, I see him, and it only increases my fear. I need to see you. I want to see you.” She inched her fingers closer, and Rocco stayed exactly where he was, watching her as she slid even closer. “What do you think?”

“I think you can do whatever you want to me. Whenever you want, pumpkin.”

Her heart thumped against the back of her ribs at his words, at the look in his eyes that were back to blue and staying that way. She inched her hand closer until her fingers brushed his bicep. Just that, and Rocco dragged in one of those ragged breaths.

“Okay?” he asked.

“Yes. Just don’t look away. I need to see your eyes. That’s what gave him away. When I looked into his eyes, his were empty; yours are always warm, hot.”

“Because I’m looking at you.”