Page 60 of The Starlight Savior

“I thought you wanted me to learn about them.” Saige pointed to the stained glass windows, suddenly feeling out of sorts at the shift in their lessons.

“You’re ready to transition to the next part of training.”

“Which is?” They hadn’t spoken past the deities and searching for the source of her magic.

“Normally it would be drawing upon your magic bit by bit, materializing it, but we don’t know how to access it. You have many walls up, Saige. You’ve locked yourself out.”

She folded her arms. You don’t know what you’re talking about. But there were pieces of his words that held truth. She didn’t lock herself out exactly, but everyone else. For their own safety.

“We must break down those walls one by one.”

“And how do we expect to do that? My magic only appears with…” Saige paused. Her thrumming headache was beginning to test her restraint. “Fear? Anger? Gods, I don’t know!”

“One can claim they’ve lived their whole life comfortably with their emotions locked away, protecting themselves from the aftermath of their feelings. But we know that is not true. Magic is living proof. If you don’t believe me, look to yourself. To the cracks on the floor.”

“Is that why no one has repaired them? A reminder of my mistakes?”

Tobin shook his head. “This is what I speak of! Your outbursts are not mistakes or deficits, but places to grow. Your mind prevents you from seeing that.”

Saige squirmed at the sheer bluntness in Tobin’s words. “Fine,” she growled, “maybe you’re right. But if you experienced what I have…” The memories of her parent’s death, her grueling, starving travel to Denholm, the unimaginable pain ripping from her body, flashed by. “You would want to hide too.”

“We all have pieces of ourselves we’d like to keep hidden, locked away where they can no longer nip at us. But then we begin to lose control of what we hide and what we show.” Tobin smiled softly. “Right?”

Saige sighed. There was no room for her to argue with the very warlock who trained every witch and warlock who stepped foot in the capital. “Show me how.”

Tobin exited the room quickly, not bothering to look if she was on his heel. She followed him through the twists and turns of the castle, ignoring the wielders coming in and out of the servant quarters. It would take days to repair everything Tiranos damaged, including scrubbing the blood-stained floor of all remnants of death.

Walking out the castle doors, they turned towards the vast and thick forest behind them. The guards stepped forward, but as the maester nodded to them, they retreated.

Trekking through snow and scattered rocks, Tobin led her through a cluster of white-dusted pine trees. The scent of earth filled her nose as they walked farther and farther. Sounds of the castle retreated, replaced by bird calls, shifting bushes, and babbling brooks. The cool wintery air was welcoming against the burn of her cheeks. Part of her wished to lie in bed all day. But that wouldn’t get her far, would it?

When they reached the edge, out of breath and lips salty with sweat, she understood why they had walked for so long. Far past the castle sat a meadow. Surrounded by tall thick trees, a large patch of luscious grass was filled with tiny purple and yellow flowers. She could feel the magic interlaced with it, one of the only spots not touched by ice and snow. It thrummed in the air, dancing across her skin. The only sound surrounding them was Tobin and Saige’s breath.

“This is where you can feel everything you have tucked away,” Tobin explained. Sitting down, he closed his eyes and rested his hands on his knees.

Saige followed suit, sitting beside Tobin. Despite her curiosity and slight resistance, there was no point in asking questions. She’d find no answers with the maester. The only thing she could do was follow his lead and hope she arrived at the destination.

“Until those barriers come down, we’ll train here, where it’s safe. You need to learn how your body feels, every part of it, and let it exist without fighting it. Don’t meet it with anger. If a thought drifts in, notice it, then let it pass. Now…imagine those walls around you starting to fall, piece by piece. What’s left when they’re gone?”

She wasn’t sure what was waiting for her. For all she knew, she’d let down her guard and all her built up anger, frustration, and grief for the world would come crashing down. Saige didn’t know if she could handle such a thing or if she’d be consumed by all she was.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

From then on, training was spent away from the peering gaze of the deities and in the open air of the enchanted meadow. They’d sit in the grass and attempt to break past the walls she had built up. Fingers enlaced in the flowers, she sometimes wondered if Tobin was actually sleeping. The only indicator of a pulse was his occasional comment when Saige fidgeted too much. But despite this tedium, she was beginning to enjoy the simple and quiet solitude. There were no outbursts in the meadow. The power still itched inside her, but it stopped building. Consuming.

She always thought control was what she wanted, but it didn’t feel right.

As Tobin predicted, Saige was still uncomfortable with the lack of accessibility. As much as she wished to forget, to exist in the middle ground of muted power and explosive eruptions, she couldn’t. No matter how much she despised it.

On this particular morning, annoyance coated everything she did. She continued to lose sleep and woke up late, despite Kira and Mika brewing sleep tonics. Recent news at supper had left her in a sour mood. Tiranos was officially fully consumed by the cursed mist. The only exception was the capital and their strongly built wards. Despite their own sanctuary, Queen Anya refused any refugees. It was rumored half of Tiranos’s population had perished. Only the strongest, finest bloodlines allowed safety. Knowing how little they cared about innocent lives, she shouldn’t be surprised. But her stomach still burned at the thought of everything that had been lost at the hands of the water-wielders.

Conor and Niana were immediately sent away to the Etrane borders to enhance their maps and scout for threats. The thought of them being so close to danger left Saige feeling restless. Anyone consumed by the mist never came back.

The pressure squeezing in her chest could never let her forget the increasing urgency. She had been brought here to help, yet she couldn’t conjure a single drop of magic. The mist moved at whatever speed it wanted. Sometimes it took many moons, even seasons, to progress through a chunk of land. Or it would sweep through a village in one evening.

Unpredictable, like the magic laced within it.

As she trudged to the meadow alone, madness flickered every time she stumbled over her feet, her boots becoming untied and wet with snow, loose hair sticking to her lip. Her stomach gnawed at her. Waking up late resulted in missing breakfast, and she knew Tobin was waiting for her. She respected him and his grueling time enough to not make him wait any longer.