Page 77 of The Ninth

“I am talking!”

“No, you’re speaking down on me like you correcting the behaviors of a child. Get how you feel off and then fuck on! If you were scared of the handcuffs, just say that!”

The three of them snickered. I could tell Tatianna and MacKenzie were a little uneasy. Them laughing was to just soften the mood. But it was too late. Her undermining everything caused an eruption.

“You act like it was just the handcuffs today. All you do is self-destruct and everybody is fine with it because it’s pretty little Cassie.”

“She—” Tati started.

“No! Let her speak!” Cassie yelled. Her voice was stronger than I’ve ever heard.

Kenzie dropped her shoulders, “Cass—”

“G, I’m not playing with you hoes! Let her fucking speak! Go on, Devyn! You’ve been here for five minutes but think you know everything about me.”

I scoffed, “I don’t need to know anything personal about you, Cassie, I can see the fucking mess! You have a lack of care for yourself and other people. You think it was just the handcuffs?! My first twenty-four hours in Chicago your friends jumped protestors, you took me to get a job at a fucking strip club, and then we chased someone on the highway while guns were drawn out. You may be used to that type of shit, but I’m not! And it was fucking rude and inconsiderate to put me in that position!”

There was a brief silence before I continued, “You fought that man and he pulled a gun out on you! He could’ve fucking killed us! Today and that night we all urged you to drop it and come on for your safety and ours. Men are so dangerous and unpredictable. But you think your boyfriend from behind bars is going to save you in every situation? Because you believe in him, we’re all supposed to? You don’t even give a fuck about him! You’ve been sleeping and hanging out with Juan in his apartment! Fucking around with whatever nigga you want! That’s why I said you don’t give a fuck about anyone else! Because you’re putting me in dangerous situations and you’re doing whatever the fuck you want with no consequences. Stripping and lying to your boyfriend and family, cheating on him, using Juan, being reckless in the streets as if you could back it up. This shit is getting old! And you know what...Grandmother was right!

“Aunt Tami and Uncle Cash spoiled you fucking rotten, Cassandra. They didn’t teach you respect or how to be a decent fucking human being. You’re a liar and a cheater! You’re inconsiderate and that’s a direct reflection of being raised in Chicago instead of with your family. But nooooo! You got to grow up spoiled, never witnessing hardship or bad times. Never appreciating the weight of a dollar. Just perfect Cassandra with the perfect family and life who graduated before Devyn and went to school to be successful. When in reality, it’s just the niggas you FUCK that makes you successful! You didn’t even use their death to better yourself, just made a fucking mockery!”

My shoulders rose up to my ears and fell back down quickly. It was like all of that was said in one breath. I slightly panted; body exhausted from the anger I was feeling. When I took in the girl’s faces....I wished I could take back every word.

MacKenzie’s mouth was slightly dropped opened. Her eyes were wide and breathing deep. She was in shock. Tatianna looked...hurt. As if everything I said was to her instead of Cassandra. And Cassandra. I could see her body turning red as she shook with anger.

“Cassie, fuck her, we’re all just drunk! Don—” One look from Cassie to Tatianna shut her up. Cassie fixed her sight on me again.

“Let me go ahead and tell you about yourself before I fly off and punch you in your shit, maggot ass hoe...” she said calmly. My stomach dropped. “Don’t ever in your life fix your lips to speak on my mama and deddy ever again, do you hear me? You think because you was blood related you have the right to open your mouth about my mothafucking parents? You’re not family to us. None of you uppity bitches were. All y’all did was sit in whitewashed ass Jeffersonville thinking your shit didn’t stink. You think we never witnessed hard times? Bitch my mama and deddy got it out the mud, hoe! With no family help because my mama knew the type of mothafuckas y’all were to judge! We spent the first nine years of my life in poverty! My deddy had to sell pills even after his job at Groot to make sure we were well off. And when we were good?! It was your deddy crossing that state line for money drop-offs and pills to put up his ass so he could sell them in that jail. But we never said a thing or threw it back in y’all’s faces because we loved y’all and knew sum’ about when shit get rough!

“My mama and deddy raised me with nothing but love. My parents adored me! I’ve never even seen yo mammy hug you! No bad choice I’ve made as an adult reflects their parenting. I did what the fuck I had to when they passed. You talking about I think I’m perfect because I graduated high school early and went to college?! BITCH MY MAMA AND DEDDY DIED, YOU WEIRD ASS HOE! Y’ALL LEFT THAT FUCKING FUNERAL AND NEVER CALLED OR CHECKED ON ME AGAIN! I HAD TO GRADUATE EARLY AND GO OFF SO I COULD MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! MY MAMA AND DEDDY IS DEAD, G! AND YOU SPEAKING DOWN ON MY FUCKING PEOPLES? HOE, IS YOU COO?!

“You speaking on my nigga?! But you riding in the car he got me and sleeping in the apartment that’s in my name and my name only? You only turning your nose up because whatever nigga you done found in Chicago is the first to ever look your way. You’ve never had niggas run you down and want to fund you because you a bad bitch. My nigga has given me more than you have ever received in your twenty-eight miserable ass years. You think I’m just pretty little Cassie? Bitch, I’m more than pretty and ain’t nan hoe fucking with me! I know it, K3 knows it, and so does Juan! FUCK YOU! YOU THINK I’M BETTER THAN YOU BITCH WHEN I’VE NEVER ONCE COMPARED MYSELF TO YOU! YOU JUST REALIZE HOW FUCKING PLAIN AND ORDINARY YOU ARE! NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT DEVYN, NOT EVEN HER MISERABLE ASS MAMA AND DEDDY! YOU BOGUS AS HELL AND I’M FINNA TREAT YOU, BITCH! MY LIFE SO TERRIBLE BUT YOU HERE WITH A PEN AND NOTEPAD TAKING NOTES! MERCH RIGHT NOW I WON’T SMACK THE FUCK OUTTA YOU, FOLKS!”

At this point, Cassandra hopped up. She tried to make her way to me, but both Kenzie and Tatianna drug her away. She was bawling crying and looked more angry and hurt than I’ve ever seen. I was at the funeral to witness her cry. She was more tore up now. I fucked up.

“I CRIED FINDING OUT MY COUSIN WAS COMING JUST FOR YOU TO BE A OPP ASS BITCH!” she screamed as they pulled her away. “MY MAMA AND DEDDY IS FUCKING DEAD, HOE! MY PARENTS ARE GONE! MY NIGGA IS LOCKED UP AND STILL LOVES ME TO HIS FUCKING CORE! YOU’LL NEVER WITNESS THE LOVE FROM YOUR PARENTS OR NIGGA THAT I HAVE! DON’T FUCKING SPEAK ON THEM!”

Kenzie and Tatianna finally got Cassie into her room, slamming the door shut. Cassie continued yelling and throwing things even from behind it. I stood there, gripping my hands together and waiting for everything to calm down. I started everything and wanted to apologize, but I couldn’t ignore the hurt in my chest either.

The things I said were the truth. They were things I witnessed or my parents and grandmother agreed on. For her to say I’m plain and ordinary... I will never be loved by a man or my parents that way? Those are words and fears of mine I’ve carried daily from before I came to Chicago and until now. This city has built me up just for Cassandra to tear me back down to that insecure place. And my dad selling drugs and borrowing money? There’s absolutely no way! She’s fucking lying to hurt me!

The room door snatched open. Tatianna ran out in just a wig cap. My eyes widened as I realized she was running full speed towards me. I gasped, flinching as her hands gripped into my hair, yanking me down to the floor.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

I’m not a fighter and didn’t want to fight in this moment. But the hits were so hard to my face, I had no choice but to hop up and defend myself.

I did just that, swinging my fist around and hitting Tatianna in her face. We stood for a minute beating each other up. She took every single hit while still working my shit. I wanted to fucking cry. I want this bitch off of me and to go back to Jeffersonville!

“TATIANNA!” Kenzie yelled out.

She snatched Tatianna away and some of my hair went with her. She tried to get away from Kenzie, but Cassie’s voice stopped her.

“Tatianna, just come on, G! I’m not wasting any time or energy on her. It’s fuck Devyn forever! You got a month to get out my shit!”

Tatianna pointed at me, “DON’T YOU EVER SPEAK ON MY MOTHAFUCKIN AUNTIE AND UNCLE AGAIN!” Tears were running down her face. “I WAS THEIR FUCKING NIECE! NOT YOU, BITCH!”

Kenzie threw Tatianna into the room as Cassie shut the door. I watched her drop her head, shaking it from side to side lightly as she walked to the freezer. Everything out here was still versus the chaos coming from the other side of that door.