Page 66 of Uncharted

“Having someone who isn’t just not scared or bothered by you but also holds you softly.”

“Who the fuck said he…holds me softly?”

“No one, because I bet Colin would know better than to do it where others could see, because you’d hate that. But in private?”

He scowled. “Keep your attention on your own bullshit, idiot.”

I smiled. “The guys are right, love looks good on you. Hold on to that one.”

Xander’s brow arched harshly. “And what about you? You’ve got someone practically throwing themselves at your feet, and you’re over here with me, having a talk about your feelings. Maybe you should fucking talk to him about them.”

It felt like the conversation was done, and not just because his tone was saying he was fed up with the topic. That was fine; anything further would just send us in circles, and he’d be pissed and I’d be even more confused.

“Okay,” I said, standing up.

“Great, now that you’ve come to the wrong person,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “Did Mav speak to you?”

“Mav speaks?” I joked, and when his expression darkened, I sighed. “He didn’t, about what?”

“Runners.”

“Shit,” I groaned. “Is he sure?”

“He hasn’t seen any, otherwise I’d be making a call,” Xander said with a huff. “But I’m a dick, not a moron. If he says he’s pretty sure they’re out there, then I’m going to act like they are until there’s proof I can use. So no going out without a weapon, got it?”

“Boom-boom sticks at the ready, got you,” I said with a smile. “And…thank you.”

Xander wrinkled his nose. “You wanted to get bitched at?”

“I needed someone who knew what they were talking about, cutting through the bullshit in my head. Jake might be dealing with it better than me, but he’s in the same boat. Even if he wasn’t and he’d done this before…he’s Jake. He’d be…patient, and gentle, and give me the time and space he thought I’d need to work through things. But you? You’ve been through this sort of thing before, and you don’t tolerate bullshit. Who better to knock me upside the head and give me some perspective?”

“Jesus, get out of here,” he said with a look of disgust, but it was mostly just uncomfortable looking. He might have learned how to be soft in private with Colin, but he clearly had a way to go with other people.

I smiled and, taking the glass to rinse in the small sink and set aside, I walked outside but heard him call before I closed the door completely. Curious, I poked my head in, and he gave me a strange look. “Don’t fuck this up.”

It was very…Xander advice and I nodded before closing the door and carefully making my way back to the medical building. It wouldn’t be more than a week before Jake was given the go-ahead to work again. Or at least, that was what he’d told me the other night, that came from Colin, but I had yet to confirm it.

Which meant, if true, we were going to lose our secluded, private space. If I was going to make up my mind about a few things, then it would have to be soon. At least if we were…one way or the other, then it would be easier to carry on after we were back in the main building once I figured out the answer.

When I made it to the medical building, I heard voices from inside, and I wasn’t surprised to find Colin talking to Jake when I entered. Colin eyed me with a smile, his brow raised, and I shrugged…then nodded. His smile grew fond, and I wondered if he was thinking of Xander. Jake wasn’t paying the slightest attention to Colin; his attention had locked onto me the moment I entered the room.

In fact, for as long as I could remember, though I’d never noticed, he always paid more attention to me than anyone else. And I had to admit I kept my attention locked onto him more than anyone else. As if both of us had always kept an eye on each other long before we discovered there was something else between us.

“Have a good walk?” Jake asked brightly, but I could hear other questions in his voice.

“Yeah, it was, uh…enlightening,” I said with a snort.

“Good,” he said, his expression softening, and I knew he meant it. Just as he meant everything he said, both the good, the bad, the irritating, and the hilarious. Just like he meant it when he said he wanted me, physically, and how he was right there at my side emotionally. The only other person I had so completely trusted and come to rely on without doubt in my head was my brother.

I knew then we would talk after I sorted through the debris the conversation with Xander had created. But until then, the conversation had cleared up enough that I knew exactly what I was going to do tonight.

Jake blinked, a question on his face, and I wondered what expression I had on my face. It was Colin I looked at, however, because now with my mind set, I didn’t want to make a display of myself to anyone except Jake.

“On that note,” Colin said, unfolding his arms and pushing away from the counter. “I’m going to head out. I’m going to do a real check tomorrow, but we might talk about putting you on some light duty afterward, alright?”

“Great,” Jake said brightly. “Just…something. I’m kinda losing my mind here.”

“You need something to lose first,” Colin told him, making Jake chuckle. Colin gave me a searching look and a private smile as he passed, and I knew he knew what was going on, or at least had a good idea.