Page 49 of Straightjacket

“Oh god, Iris.” Sophia cries and pulls me into her arms, rocking me back and forth as I sob into her chest, clutching the letter tightly. She continues to stroke my hair, allowing me to have this moment as I try to battle my way through everything that’s happening.

Even in death, my grandmother is looking after me and she knew about Silas. She got to be in his magnetic presence and fuck do I miss him; I miss him so much that hurts. It hurts to breathe because my soul is so shattered without him.

He should have been here, with us. With his daughter. And even though I try to cling onto the hope that he’s out there somewhere, the tether between us continues to fray until I have nothing left to hold onto.

Once I’m finally able to calm my racing thoughts, Sophia pulls back slightly to wipe the tears from my face. “Let me help you tidy this up, and I’ll take Lily tonight. You need some decent sleep.”

“It’s okay, I can-”

“I insist, Iris.” She pushes, placing her hand on mine. “You haven’t slept properly in months, I can see how tired you are so let me help. She is my niece after all, and if I wanna kidnap her for the night, I will. Plus, Polly loves her.”

A small laugh slips past my lips, and I wipe away a stray tear. “How can I say no to that?”

She shrugs, tipping her head to the side. “You can’t. It’s just that simple. C’mon, it’ll be dark soon so why don’t you have a cheeky glass of wine and watch a movie, me and Polly will show Lily how to crochet.”

I roll my eyes, shaking my head as I fight against the smile that’s pulling at my lips. Ever since I had Lily, Sophia has been incredible. There hasn’t been a single moment where she didn’t step up to help and that’s more than I could ever ask for.

Sliding the letter back in the envelope, I place it back inside the safe along with stacks of money and close the door, then push my clothes back into place. I have no idea of the amount of money that’s in there, but it looks more than enough to keep us going for a long time.

After my time in Salem Penitentiary, I couldn’t return to my podcast. Yeah, it made good money and the community that surrounded me, I loved. But I just couldn’t face it, it all felt too real and I’d already been through enough horror to last me a lifetime.

Do I miss it? Without a doubt, but my priorities are elsewhere now and I’m okay with that.

Sophia helps me up from the floor and we both head out of the bedroom. “I’ll just give her a kiss goodnight, but please come and get me if-”

“Yeaaah,” she draws out. “We’re gonna be just fine. Auntie Sophia is on duty tonight.” She lifts her hand to salute and I chuckle, my mind feeling a little lighter than it has in a long time.

“Are you used to using your real name yet?” I ask, we haven’t really spoken about it, much like ignoring the elephant in the room and sometimes, that’s the best thing to do at the time. The last thing I want to do is push her into something she’s not ready to talk about.

A small smile tips up the corner of her lips. “I think so, I think it suits me more than Dolly too, kinda makes me feel like I finally belong somewhere, y’know?”

“I’m glad.” I say, cupping her shoulder.

“There’s obviously still a lot to unpack, I know that. Questions that I don’t have answers to but in the meantime, where I am right now is good enough for me.”

Warmth spreads in my chest at her words, a sense of gratefulness settles in my bones knowing that she’s able to confide in me like that.

As soon as we reach Lily’s bedroom, Sophia stands in the doorway as I tiptoe silently across the carpet. A soft lullaby plays in the corner from a music box. Gentle notes caress the air, keeping Lily in a heavy slumber as I stand at the side of her bed. Her long black eyelashes flutter against her round cheeks as she silently dreams.

My heart could burst at the sight of her.

Sometimes I wonder what she’ll grow up to be like, will she be outgoing like me, or shy like her dad? Or maybe a mix of both of us. Either way, I can see so much of Silas in her and that only makes me love her even more.

I hope she grows up to know how fierce he is and even when he was scared, he never backed down.

A lump quickly forms in my throat and I swallow it down, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “Sleep tight, sweet girl.” I whisper, then quietly make my way out of her bedroom, closing the door just slightly behind me.

“Are you sure—” I pester Sophia once again and she plants her finger on my lips, successfully shutting me up.

“I don’t wanna hear anything else out of your mouth from this moment until the morning, yeah?”

I nod behind her finger, causing her to grin. Then she removes her hand and heads down the short hallway towards her bedroom. “Get some wine down ya, or put your buzzing toys to good use!” She throws out over her shoulder, and I gawk at her words, feeling my cheeks heat.

There’s absolutely no way that’s happening.

Gulping down the last bit of red wine in my glass, I place it on the little coffee table and switch off the TV before heading to my bedroom, peeking in on Lily as I pass. She snores softly, the camera that’s perched on her bedside table flashes and I relax, knowing that Sophia has eyes on her at all times.

Since becoming a mom, I never knew my anxiety could reach this kind of level. Everything feels like a danger— even when she eats her breakfast, I panic.