Page 18 of Roundabout

“But that’s not all you did,” he says thickly. “You took the Jeep. For what?”

“Something came up.”

I didn’t return to Coty right away. I didn’t return to him until late last night when he was already home. After I approached Brittni and Makya, I stayed with them until Rebel and her friends brought over the food I had them buy, then I stayed even longer, making sure they ate it all.

Since the only thing free about the Fall Fest is attending it, Nora told the girls they could go…without her. They told me they wanted to go because they knew our family would be there. They wanted to see us. They wanted to see me. So using loose change they found between couch cushions, they caught the transit. I couldn’t let them take it back. I didn’t want them to go back at all. I texted Paige and asked if she could take Coty and Jace home for me, allowing me to return Brittni and Makya to Nora’s. If I hadn’t, Nora could’ve called the cops, or worse DCFS, then I would’ve been in trouble.

I struggled with that decision all night, but after spending this morning on the phone with Beckett’s attorney father, Marshall Meyers, he convinced me I made the right choice. Keeping this private is my best option.

“Business?” Coty asks with an edge to his voice I’ve never heard before. It’s almost accusatory. “I thought your business was my business.”

“It is, but…”

On a sigh, I drop my head back and inspect the ceiling, seeing all the cracks I usually don’t even notice because I’m too busy. Then I lift my left hand, studying my ring instead, specifically the diamond’s perimeter. Around and around and around, no end in sight.

“Do you ever feel like you’re just going in circles? Like nothing is really changing. Everything around you changes. Just…not you.”

After a long pause, Coty asks, “Did I do something?” and I shake my head even though he can’t see me.

“No, not you as in you, you as in a general you. Someone can do all these things, make all these strides, but ultimately, they end up back where they started.”

“Like a roundabout?”

A ghost of a smile touches my lips. “Sure. Like a roundabout.”

“I think…that if we’re talking about a roundabout…there are still ways to get out. Whether it’s one or multiple other paths, a person can always choose another way to take, it’s just up to them when and which one.”

“And if it’s not a roundabout? If there are no other ways out?”

“Then you stop.”

“Stop?”

“You stop the fucking cycle yourself,” he says. “You did it with your mom. You’re nothing like her. You’re patient and selfless and thoughtful. You’re the best fucking mom to…Jace.”

His hesitation before our child’s name nearly kills me as I stifle a sob in my throat. That list should be longer. It could be longer. I’m working on making it longer.

“You didn’t just stop that cycle, Angela, you fucking smashed it. I’m lucky. I’m marrying a woman who accomplishes anything she puts her mind to.”

“Are you?”

Coty doesn’t answer right away, then quietly, he asks, “Am I?”

I was referring to the part about the woman who accomplishes anything she puts her mind to but it feels like he’s referring to another part.

“One of the new hires saw my ring today and said you were lucky,” I joke.

He lets out a strange sort of chuckle at the same time a text comes in. I pull my phone away from my ear to read it, and end up missing whatever he says next.

I read the message again, giving my own strangled laugh at the audacity.

She wants more.

Of course she does. After all, where there’s smoke there’s fire.

But if one log gets pulled from this fire, the whole thing could cave in, leaving two innocent lives in the ashes. I have to be careful.

I don’t feel very careful when I imagine Brittni and Makya inside the house I delivered them to last night. I feel reckless, the same recklessness I felt back at Creekwood when I didn’t want my mom to get her claws into the boys across the hall because I loved them.