Page 13 of Rough Diamonds

“I have a better idea, how about you just drop me off at home?” My ears are met with silence. “What?” I question him. I’m starting to get really pissed. I don’t have the time or patience for this shit. I cross my hands over my chest and tighten my core, with my head held high.

“What do you think you're too good for me now? Living your best life, well, I’m still slumming it with the rest of the gutter rats.” Spittle leaves my mouth. I am so fuckin sick of being looked down upon I have been looked down on my whole life. When all I want is to be happy, to feel loved and for once to not struggle. Like how hard is that to ask for?

“No way are you going back to that shit Evie.” Damion grips my shoulder. “Stop trying to test us right now.” He grips harder and all I can do is look at the Demon on his hand. The words and actions speak louder than his words. These guys are used to inserting dominance. Well, they can fuck off with their testosterone shit.

I lean down and kick back into Damion’s balls. “How about this for a test.” I straight back up and fix my skirt. “You don’t want to ‘test me’.” I laugh.

“God damnit Evie, come the fuck on.” Marcus hurdles me over his shoulder like a god dam caveman.

“Put me down or you're next.” Marcus grips me as tight as a boa constrictor making its kill.

I look down at my foundation rubbing off against his tee, blotching the coverup. The letters on my knuckles are starting to reappear. I haven’t seen those in years. I always make sure those are covered.

Evie

10 years ago

I take a deep drag from the blunt. Smoke ripples above me. I lay my head back on the questionable maroon couch and my head rests against the blue wall. The buzzing sounds of the tattoo gun humms in my ears. I pull in another drag and release. I feel light and motionless, ready to take on whatever comes my way.

“Yo Evie, you sure you want to do this?” Taz calls out and looks over to find me on his shop's couch.

“Don’t ask me again Taz, I’m doing it.” I flex my fingers a few times.

“One of the guys should be here.”

“Well they’re not and I’m a big girl Tazzy. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions.”

Taz throws up his hands in surrender. “Nahh, you're old enough to make your own decisions, but your guys have a say around here. You know this, Evie.”

With my blunt still in hand, I take another hit. The cloud of smoke I blow out lingers overhead. “I’ll take all the consequences.”

Taz nods and motions me to go back into the shop. The walls are white, down the hall shows art displays all over. My eyes lock on a pair of butterflies and I can’t seem to stop staring one day. I’m gonna get that because as much as I wanna be out, I will never be free of this life. I am forever in it and that’s why I’m about to get the tattoo that I’m getting right now, to seal my fate. I drained every day of what it would feel like to be me, 100% to do whatever I would love to do. I just wanna be as free as those butterflies and spread my wings.

I sigh, drop my head and look over at Taz. “Are you ready for me?” I ask as I walk into his room. A black chair sits in front of me with an arm rest. He has his chair and what looks like a massage chair. I look around and find art of Japanese coy fish. Traditional art and many, many, random pieces on the way.

Taz rips open some plastic that holds a new needle. He carefully takes his time opening it and places it onto the machine. He takes out small little containers and pours ink inside them. I watch as he precisely does everything in such a way. He pulls on black gloves, stretching them over his fingers till it snaps into place. I fidget around with the tab on my zip down hoodie as Taz looks over to me.

“Well take a seat, girl. We gotta get this going.”

I exhale the breath I was holding and sit down, holding out my hand.

“Ok, you're sure about this? There’s no going back, you know that right.” Taz asks before he starts up the gun. “I'm fine. I got this.”

The tattoo gun hits my knuckles and the first letter starts to appear D. “This isn't that bad.” I hiss a little as the needle repeatedly hits my skin.

“This isn’t what I worry about Evie,” he goes back to my fingers. I don’t get what the big deal is, am I a part of this or am I what am?

Taz finishes the last finger. “Thanks Taz,” I jump up and wrap my arms around his thick tatted neck. I place a kiss on his cheek and jump back. “Here's what I owe you!” I place a wad of bills in his hand.

“No, Evie….” Taz trails off in his deep tone. The guy’s a brute, and not one to mess with.

“Nope … bye,” I run out the front door and hear the chimes knock against the building. I did what I had to, to earn that money. Could I have asked the guys, yes. But I wanted to be free. I want to make my own decisions in life. As much as the guys love me and do for me, I still feel like they hold me back in a way. Because that decision I made today with the tattoo, is definitely a decision that they would not have made for me.

I glance down at my knuckles and smile when I see DEMON. I’m now one of them. I screech and smile. I walk down the street and head down a back alley. A steel metal door hangs at the very end. I head down and knock on it. There's a guy on the other end who opens at the sound.

“Hey Evie, I didn’t know you were working tonight.” His bald head shines in the lights above us.

“Yeah neither did I, but you know sometimes you have to do what you have to do.” I shrug my shoulders. Stopping by the bar, I find the shot that I usually have every night when I come in to drown all my pain out, pour it down my throat and slam it on the oak counter, asking for more. I smile when the bartender generously gives me a double shot. I slam it down my throat, put it back on the bar and walk away. I do the same thing each and every time. If I’m not high and drunk, what’s the point of even living at this point?