Page 116 of The Blessing

“I see that,” he responds, giving me another once-over.

“We haven’t been dating long,” I go on to explain, “but I fell in love with her right away. I just want you to know how much I respect your daughter. I’ll cherish her for the rest of our lives, I promise.”

Maybe I’m overdoing it, but fuck, I really want him to like me. I want him to approve of our relationship and our engagement, as well. What should I do now? Should I ask him for her hand? I don’t know; it all feels so fucking cheesy to me. I’m not used to expressing my feelings to strangers; I barely talk about them period. Dr. Russell has to pry shit out of me like he was pulling teeth. It took several sessions before I felt comfortable enough to open up a little and speak about anything sensitive.

“Well, that’s comforting to hear,” he responds in a rough, protective voice.

His tone makes me smile a little. It seems as though he doesn’t like discussing his feelings either. We may have more in common than I’d imagined. “I know it’s late, but I’d like to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” It sounds fucking awkward when I say it, but I manage to spit it out.

He looks at me for a moment. I mean really taking me in before he finally says, “Trevor, I don’t know you, but I trust my daughter. If Veronica loves you and she said ‘yes,’ then I’ll go along with it. You can have her hand.” He pauses for a moment, then smirks at me before adding, “With that being said, if you ever hurt her don’t think for one minute I’ll hesitate... Well, we’ll just say I know where you live, son.”

I gulp, because how the fuck can I not after that unspoken threat. I give him a shaky smile. Okay, then. Well, that went better than I’d thought it’d go. “Thanks, sir. I won’t let you down.”

“Let’s hope not.”

There’s a knock at the door causing Grey to startle and begin to cry from the sound. “Dada!” he wails, reaching for me.

I stretch across the table, taking him into my arms before patting him on the back to calm him down. His cries begin to quiet as I walk toward the front door. There’s another loud knock before I finally pull the door open to find Eden and her family standing there. Fuck, did Ronnie tell everyone to get here super early? I thought she had to bake.

“Hey, Trevor!” Eden says as she bounces up to kiss my cheek. “Hey, Greyson,” she says to the grinning, yet, temperamental baby I’m holding. “Happy Thanksgiving!”

She ventures into the apartment before I can so much as step aside; Quinton gives me an apologetic smile. He looks fucking exhausted, but he’s still managing to hold Harper in one arm and a food container in the other.

“I’m going to have to make a few trips,” he tells me as I step aside to let him in. “There’s a lot of food in the car.”

I help him start setting up the food on the dining room table when Ronnie finally comes out. She’s absolutely gorgeous with her curly brown hair pulled up in a high ponytail. She looks incredible, but I’m fucking confused; that hairstyle is usually what she goes with when she doesn’t have much time to style it. She’s been in the bathroom—supposedly doing her hair—for over a half an hour. When I catch her eye, she blushes and looks away, and I immediately know what’s up. My girl was eavesdropping. For some reason this makes me smile. I can just imagine her standing on the other side of the wall listening to me profess my love for her to her father. I’m not going to embarrass her, so I don’t bring it up. Instead, I just smile and wink at her before offering to go out to the car to help Quinton.

“Harper, do you want to play with Ronnie and the baby while Daddy and Uncle Trevor go get the rest of the food from the car?”

Harper’s face lights up as she looks at Grey, who’s staring back at her with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Yeah, daddy! Me play with baby!”

I hand Grey off to Ronnie at the same time Quinton sets his daughter on the floor.

“You can play with him while I finish baking your favorite pie,” Ronnie tells Harper and then ushers them to Grey’s room.

Always feeling nervous about leaving the baby alone I look toward Ronnie’s dad and ask, “Can you keep an eye on them, please?”

Bryant gives me a small, albeit warm, smile and nods. I follow Quinton out to his car. It turns out that Eden made enough food to feed a small army. I can’t complain, though—it all looks fucking delicious. It’s definitely 180 degrees from the Thanksgiving dinners I remember as a kid. Evelyn fucking hated cooking. So, when Thanksgiving rolled around she never made anything. Instead, she’d order food from a restaurant and had dinner catered. I never complained, but it always felt so impersonal. Those days make me think of my brother. Because he was mom’s favorite growing up—which I now understand why—the meals always centered around him. He would always be the one to carry on the conversation at the table. Evelyn would sit back with a huge smile on her face, hanging on his every word. Dad never really minded this. Honestly, neither did I because it meant I didn’t have to contribute anything to the conversation.

Evelyn would want to hear all about Dean’s adventures. She’d have him repeat the same stories over and over again. She loved hearing about how popular and successful he was in school. He was the star athlete and an amazing student. I liked hearing his stories, as well, but I always felt embarrassed for him because I knew he hated having to tell them so many times. He would always humor her, though; he loved her a lot. She supported him in everything he did, no matter what it was. Fuck, I miss him so goddamn much. This won’t be my first Thanksgiving without him, but the years I’d been away had been so different. Even though we weren’t celebrating the holiday together, at least he was still alive. Knowing I’ll never see him again makes me fucking wish I could change the last few years I had with him. I wish shit could’ve been different.

I took so much shit for granted. I should’ve come home for the holidays; I should’ve wanted to be with my family instead of partying and getting doped up at someone’s house. There are so many things I wish I could’ve done differently. I’d give anything to be able to turn back time and change it. I honestly didn’t consider how fucking difficult the holidays would be without him. The littlest things remind me of him and it fucking guts me. This will be my dad’s first Thanksgiving without Dean, too. Jesus Christ, he’s going to be in so much pain.

Quinton must sense my unease because he puts a hand on my shoulder and asks, “You okay, man? You’ve gotten quiet all of a sudden.”

I shake my head, unable to speak. I just want my brother here, alive and well. Will this fucking pain ever go away? Just when I think I’ve gotten to a point where I can accept it, something will remind me of him. I fucking regress to my anger and depression. I want to talk to Dr. Russell right now, but I know he’s spending the holiday with his family. I’ll just bottle my feelings up and try to have a good time. Today is an important day for me since it’s the first holiday we’re all spending together as one big family. I hope that’s enough to keep me going.

“I’m fine,” I finally manage. “I was just thinking about Dean.”

Quinton frowns and his eyes fill with sympathy. “I’m so sorry, man. I know the holidays can be rough after you lose someone. I’m here for you if you ever feel like talking about it.”

I smile because his words are more comforting than he probably knows. “Thanks, man. Let’s get this shit inside.”

I need to distract myself. If I’m in a crowded room maybe I won’t have time to dwell on my brother too much. Yeah fucking right, Trevor. You’ll think about him—you always do. Thankfully, I’m surrounded by people who care about me. I have Ronnie, Grey, my dad, and now, my amazing mom, as well. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve gained a lot, too.

It takes us two trips to carry all of the food inside from their car. There’s turkey, ham, and more side dishes than I’ve ever fucking seen. There’s also a few trays of cookies—as if Ronnie’s pies weren’t going to be enough. How the fuck does she expect us to eat all of this? Quinton just laughed when I asked him. He explained that Eden is usually pretty enthusiastic when it comes to the holidays. Although, she’s extremely happy this year to have a few more mouths to feed. By the time we’re finished setting everything up, Ronnie is done with her pie and places it on the cooling rack with the others. Now that my hands are finally free, I go to get Grey. During times like these—when I’m feeling down and out—I can’t stand to be away from the little guy for long. Minutes feel like hours in his absence. When I find him, he’s still happily playing with Harper. She’s showing him all of the toys she brought with her, but he’s too busy gnawing on the ear of one of her bears.