Page 45 of Absolution

Drew: I’m there.

Creed: ‘preciate it.

Drew: Np.

“Shower and toothpaste have got to make me feel somewhat human. I’ll be back.” I wink at Doc as she settles in at the foot of the bed.

By fifteen till six, I’m saddled up to the bar, watching the door. He’s usually late, I’m hoping that’s not the case today. I might chicken out if so. I keep nursing my fizzy drink, the bartender is not at all happy about it either.

“Hey!” Drew throws his hand in the air as he fights through the crowd.

“You’re early!” I extend my hand, waiting for his. He takes it, laughing.

“I came early, it sounded important.”

“My text sounded important. That’s different.”

He cuts his eyes at me. “You know what the hell I mean.”

“I do,” I chuckle, hailing the barkeep. “What’ll you have?”

“Old fashioned and a table.”

I scan the place, spotting an empty booth in the corner. “There… I’ll grab the drinks.”

“Good deal.”

I order and pay for our beverages, joining him after. He reaches for the glass as I sit down across from him. My hand trembles, and he pretends not to notice. Drew’s more than just a good man, he’s the epitome of one.

“Should I start with the weather or a good ole fishing story?” He chides, knowing damn well he’s breaking the ice but allowing me to do it in my own time.

“Weather.” I shake my head, chuckling. “It was a total fucking disaster, man.”

His eyes widen. “That’s a broad statement, care to elaborate.”

“I couldn’t do it. I sat there with both of them, and I froze. My mind replayed the vivid dreams I had while in that fucking hole. It was like a kaleidoscope of fighting and failures. I couldn’t control my thoughts; my mind was everywhere. So, I bailed.”

Drew blinks rapidly, his mouth slightly ajar. “You left them? Did you explain why?”

“No.” My heart is in my throat, choking the hell out of me. I swallow hard, pushing the taste of self-loathing from my mouth. “What’s to say? I’m fucked up, and it’s best I’m not around you.”

“You could’ve tried to tell her a little about yourself. Maybe given her the chance to decide if she wanted to be friends, it’s how it’s done everywhere around the world.”

I hate him. Mostly, because he’s right but mainly because he’s cocky as hell when he is. “I may have never been in a relationship before, but I damn well understand how they work.”

“So, what now?”

I fall back against the seat. “What in the hell are you talking about? There’s not a snowballs chance in hell I’m going to try again. She’ll think I’m insane!”

“She won’t be wrong, just a little off as to why you are.” He leans forward, setting his glass down. “Off the record, but there’s no getting away from the therapeutic side here… what made you stop?”

I lower my head, averting my eyes. He needs to hear this, I’m not sure I can though. It’s one of the few things I’ve held back on, burying it deep in hopes I wouldn’t ever have to talk about it.

I open my mouth, feeling the word roll off my tongue. This is it. Once it’s out there, I can never take it back. “Fear.”

“Admitting you think about it or have some form of it, is a step toward conquering the issue. So, you know I’m going to ask, are you talking about possible flashbacks or triggers?”

“Yeah, a little.” I raise my head, rolling the tension from my neck. “The thing is, once I was around Kathryn and Crawford, I came face to face with one of my many… fears.”