Page 46 of Under Rusted Stars

“Haven’t bought any. Are you my father now?” he snaps at me.

“It won’t last,” Olivia says. “Isn’t that right, Mr. Jensen?”

“Liv,” I warn.

“You’ll see, ya little shit,” he frowns at her. Dad is sober; I know that much, but why?

“Dad…”

“What?!” he yells at me.

“The last time I saw you sober was at Mom’s funeral,” I say. “What’s going on?”

“I had a little fall,” he says, pulling up the leg of his pants. His leg is black with bruises, and Olivia gasps. “Roy took me up there to that hospital a few days ago when you wouldn’t get over here.”

“Yeah?” I ask. “Who was your doctor?”

“Some chick with big tits and red hair. Veronica?” he suggests. “Well, she did one of them… scans. Not an X-ray. MRI, maybe. She wanted to make sure my head was okay because I passed out for a second.”

“Okay…” I say. “And?”

“And they said I have a brain tumor. It’s the size of an egg, and they can’t get it out,” he says.

“Fuck,” I say. I have wanted to kill this man so many times, but now knowing that he is dying hits differently.

“They said it’s probably been there a few decades,” he says. “Your mother… I was having migraines when she was pregnant with you. She talked me into one of those scans, and it was real small back then. I heard the word cancer, and I got scared. I just never went back.”

“And you started drinking,” Olivia says, and he nods.

“I was up at that hospital so long that it cleared my head up a bit. They told me it’s in a spot that changes your personality,” he says. Olivia tears up at the realization. “Bodhi, I loved your momma more than life. I know you never saw that… I promised her I would get sober one day, so I am. I hate it, and all I want to do is drink. But I ain’t got much longer left. I don’t wanna break my promise to her, so… Yeah.”

“How long?” I ask.

“Don’t worry about that,” he says, waving me off.

“Dad,” I say. “How long?”

“Maybe a few months,” he says. “I just wanna get my shit together, so maybe I can die with a little bit of dignity… If I had listened to Nora back then, she wouldn’t be dead today… I know you think I killed your mom, and I guess I did.”

“Dad…”

“I didn’t pull that trigger, Bodhi, but I gave her every reason to want to. She was upset and told me to choose her or the booze, and I fucked up. I chose that damn beer and she just… Look… Y’all didn’t deserve that bullshit, and I don’t recognize the man who did it. I don’t want your forgiveness because it’s not gonna bring her back. So, son… If that woman tells you to go to the doctor, just fucking do it. My stubbornness killed your momma, and Olivia doesn’t deserve that.”

“Did they give you any treatment options?” I ask, wiping rogue tears from my face.

“Eh. They said they could try to do surgery, but I might die on the table. I guess that’s better than nothing,” he says. “I have to go to some fancy doctor for it in Dallas.”

“Better to die trying,” Olivia says. “Whatcha got to lose?”

“I guess you’re right,” he says. “I’ll be honest, though. I don’t know if I want to live long enough to remember all the things that I’ve done to hurt people. Shit, girl. I hurt you. But here you are, standing in my living room.”

“You didn’t rape me, Mr. Jensen,” she says. “That tumor did.”

“That’s bullshit, Olivia,” Dad snaps at her.

“It’s not,” she says. “Because from where I am standing, I finally understand where Bodhi got it from.”

“Got what?” I ask.