Page 68 of Here You Are

As Ben walks out the door, Cora grabs me and whispers in my ear, “I think everything is going to work out. I can tell he’s going to do everything in his power to keep you.”

As we drive back, I start making a mental list of all the things I need to do and people I need to tell. As far as Widow Jenkins is concerned, I will be denying I’m pregnant until a baby falls out of my ass.

Chapter 27

February 13th, 2022

We told the girls a week or so after the doctor’s appointment. Brooklyn has a good understanding of how babies are made, so she was horrified. Then she was mad. Ben had said she was pretty chill about us dating, but I acknowledge this is a whole different level. Neither of us blamed her for being upset, and we had anticipated her taking the news the hardest.

They all had a lot of questions about what the future will look like, and they were not alone in those questions. By that point, we had decided I would stay in my house for a few more months. As long as things continued to go well with Ben and me, I would eventually move in with him, before the baby comes. He was nervous to throw me into a full-time parenting role on top of the pregnancy. It’s like I got pregnant and suddenly have three other children to help take care of. I know it’s not official, but that is the route we are headed.

The hardest part of the conversation was explaining what my role would be once I moved in with them.

“So, does that mean Cassie is going to be like our new mom, since she will be living here and be the baby’s mom?” Linden asked.

“NO! She is not our new mom,” Brooklyn replied and then walked out of the living room, crying.

Ben already had glassy eyes when he looked at me and said, “I'll smooth things over with her. It’s a lot.” He continued on to Taylen and Linden and said, “Cassie will be living here, and she will be the baby’s mom. If we get married someday, she would technically be called your ‘stepmom,’ but you guys get to decide what you're comfortable with. You can call her Cassie, just like you do right now and she’ll help me take care of you guys. I’ll still be the boss of you girls, and she can be my assistant boss. I’ll expect you guys to listen to her and respect her when she lives with us. That’s it. Everything else you guys get to decide.”

Linden nodded, processing all of the news. She seemed speechless for the first time in her life.

“What will the baby call you, Cassie?” Taylen asked. She’s got her “S’s” under control now, so I’m not Cathie anymore.

“I’m not sure. The baby will probably call me mama or mommy.”

“I’ll just call you mama, then.” Taylen replied.

Without looking at Ben, I already know he has tears in his eyes. I was blaming the pregnancy hormones rubbing off on him, but something tells me he is comfortable in his emotions.

Ben smiles at her and says, “You have time to decide, baby. Whatever you decide is okay with us.”

“You can call me whatever you decide, Tay. As long as it isn’t a silly, goofy name,” I teased her.

One of our first long conversations was about him feeling guilty that Taylen doesn’t have a mother figure in her life, so I just know that hit him right in the feels. If I’m being honest, I want that for Taylen, too. And now that I have adjusted to this drastic life change, I’m excited to help Ben raise these kids.

Ben takes this opportunity to stand up and go talk to Brooklyn, and if I know him, he’s probably going to cry in a corner somewhere afterwards. I’ve come to find he’s a sensitive guy. He’s been through a lot in his life and in the last couple of months with me, I’m pretty sure he has cried more times in our relationship than I have; however, his tears are almost always happy, grateful ones. His most frequently used emojis are heart eyes, crying eyes, and winky face when he is sending sexually suggestive messages. That sums up the three major emotions of Ben.

After Ben walks out, Linden chimes in. “If Taylen and the baby are both calling you mama, I probably will, too,” said Linden. “But, maybe I’ll just wait until the baby gets here to start, because then you will really be a mama.”

“I think you have a good plan, guys, and if it ever changes, that is okay, too. We’ll all figure this out together.”

The day after we told the girls, Ben asked Widow Jenkins to hang with Linden and Taylen so we could go out for ice cream with Brooklyn and talk without the distractions of the little girls. This definitely had WJ asking questions. We told her we just wanted to spend some special time with her. She is definitely suspicious.

We got our ice cream and found a quiet corner booth where we could talk.

“Do you have any questions for us, Brook?” Ben asked. “You can ask us anything. We might not have the answer right now, but I want to know what your worries are.”

Brooklyn shrugged and said “I don’t know.”

“Are you worried about me moving in with you guys?” I asked, trying to nudge her along.

“No. We all like you, and Dad is obsessed with you. It will be weird, but that’s not what I’m worried about.” We both sat quietly, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Cassie, but I just miss my mom. I wish she were still here. I don’t want this to be happening. I don’t want everything to change, and I don’t want a new mom.” She started to cry, and my heart broke for her and for Ben.

Ben pulled Brooklyn into his side and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s confusing for me, too, baby. I wish your mom was still here, too. Since she can’t be, I am really, really grateful that I found someone else to be happy with. I love you all so much. All of you.” Ben said, looking me in the eye. We hadn’t said love to each other yet. I’m pretty sure that is what Ben was telling me at that moment. “It’s okay to feel whatever you want, and you can say anything you need to. No one is going to be upset with you about any of your feelings. This is a big, scary change. I love you so much, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure our family is happy.”

“I love you too, Dad. I want everyone to be happy. I just don’t want to forget about mom, ever.”

“We won’t forget about her. Cassie isn’t here to replace her. She is with us for the next part of our journey, and that doesn’t erase the past. This is really hard grown-up stuff, and we will all figure it out together. Just keep talking to us. If you're scared or hurt or worried, tell me what's going on, and we’ll figure it out. Okay?”