Page 69 of Here You Are

Brooklyn sniffled back her tears and nuzzled into her dad. “Okay.”

I decided to excuse myself so they could talk freely without Brooklyn having to worry about my feelings. I walked outside and sat down on a bench, trying to picture how I would have reacted as a fourteen-year-old girl. I definitely wouldn’t have been as sweet as her, but that is just her natural disposition. I would have been a straight up asshole.

When they joined me outside, they both had tear-stained faces and red eyes. Ben had his arm around Brooklyn’s shoulders, and they were snuggled close to each other.

I stood up and said, “Are you guys ready?”

Brooklyn turned to face me. “I don’t wish you weren’t here, it’s just confusing. I want my dad to be happy, but all of this is making me sad,” she said.

“Thanks, Brook. I want us all to be happy, and it might be a bumpy road, but we’ll figure it out.”

When we got home, it was getting late. Ben needed to get the girls to bed. I was exhausted and still not feeling the relief of the second trimester that I was promised, so I decided to go home to take a bath and go to bed. It felt like it might be good to give everyone some space after the bombshell we had dropped on them.

Trying to embrace being the Queen of Self Care, I made myself a little bubble bath in the candlelight, with a book and a sparkling water I was going to pretend was a more exciting beverage. I hadn’t been running because I had felt so crappy. I could feel the toll it was taking on my mental health, not having that outlet. I was about three minutes into my bath when there was a knock at my bathroom door, which scared the shit out of me and caused me to throw my book, which knocked over my beverage. As someone who has been living alone for most of my adult life, I just don’t expect bathroom visitors.

“Um, who is it?”

“Who do you think, Toots?” Ben replied. “Can I come in?”

“You know there are no boundaries in this neighborhood. It could have been anyone.” I replied. “Yes, you can come in, but I’m naked.”

“Nice!” he said as he opened the door. He stood there staring at me with a goofy smile on his face, clearly taking in the view.

“Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, you can.” He replied with a sexy little smirk on his face and then started undoing his belt buckle.

“Focus, Ben. Did you just come here to seduce me, or did you have something else you needed?”

“Oh yeah, got distracted by your wet, soapy body. Shocking. Anyway, I wanted to talk with you about something that came up for me when we were talking to Brook tonight.” He paused and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. “I’ve been wanting to tell you something, and I don’t want you to feel any pressure. Or any more pressure since so much has changed in our lives.”

“Okay?”

He leaned over and placed a quick kiss on my lips. “I love you, Cassie. I know it’s soon, but I also know what love is, and this is it for me. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. I was making sure my emotions about the baby weren’t clouding my judgment. Tonight, when we were talking to Brook, I realized I had to tell you and couldn’t wait. You don’t have to say anything, but I needed to tell you. Okay?”

I nodded. I know he loves me, I can feel it in every interaction; the way he treats me; the way he looks at me. He wears his heart on his sleeve, so this revelation is not a surprise. I have become quite accustomed to being adored by him and am not sure I can live without it. There is still a lot to take in. How quickly my life has changed, and how many people I will be adding to it.

“I know you do, Ben. You're very good at showing people how much you love them.” I paused and tried to figure out how to continue. “I’m also nervous about our situation accelerating things too quickly, but what I feel for you is strong and feels like forever. I just want to be cautious with my heart, because life has changed so much. One little baby has me on the road to living with a man and being a stepmom to three kids. It is a four-for-one deal I did not anticipate.”

“No pressure. I just wanted you to know.”

“You never make me feel pressured; you make me feel loved and happy.”

He leaned over again to kiss me and ran his finger tips down my cheek, my neck, and to my chest.

“You wanna come over?“ he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, while taking a long, sweeping look at my body in the bathtub. My stomach has definitely started to protrude, and I won’t be able to keep this a secret in the neighborhood much longer. Especially since the girls know.

“No offense, but I want to sleep. And that has nothing to do with anything that happened today. I'm just nauseous and exhausted. I’ll come over tomorrow night. Promise.”

“Okay. Don’t worry. I don’t give up easily on things I want.”

Ben kisses my forehead and heads out of the bathroom to go home. I listen for my front door to close and sigh. I have major butterflies in my stomach and a crazy smile on my face. I love him, too. And I will tell him, soon.

Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: What are you wearing?

Me: More than I was last time you saw me. A tank top and underwear.

Grass Daddy AKA Baby Daddy: Ugh, so hot. Come over.