Page 64 of Here You Are

“I didn’t lie to you. I’ve really never been able to get pregnant. I’ve seen doctors, and they told me it was highly unlikely. I promise, I didn’t lie to you.”

“Cassie, you're really hot and make me come really hard. Between that and my super sperm, this was bound to happen.”

I snort a laugh between my tears. “You did warn me.”

“Look, I’ve only had a couple of minutes to process this, but never in those two minutes did I even consider that you lied. I know you better than that. I know your heart. I know not being able to have kids was a terrible sadness for you. I know you didn’t lie.”

“I swear, I never thought this was possible. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm in shock and I’m scared. I can’t believe this is real.”

“You can be as scared as you want because I’m not scared. I'll be brave for both of us, okay? We have a lot to figure out, and you need to go see a doctor. For tonight, how about we focus on the huge blessing coming our way. Nothing else. Not the what ifs, not logistics, and not the future. A baby will be complicated and wild and unexpected. It will be the greatest gift. I promise.”

I let out another audible sob and burrow into his chest. “Why are you so good?”

He kisses the top of my head and holds me tight. And then he whispers, “It’s the super sperm.”

Chapter 26

September, 2021

I finally have a doctor’s appointment today. I can’t believe that when you call your doctor and tell them you are pregnant, they don’t stop everything to get you in there to confirm. What could possibly be more pressing than this? I had to wait almost two weeks after the positive test before they were able to get me in. With all of the drama my body puts me through each month, I’m not even sure when I got pregnant. What I do know is that I am, in fact, pregnant. I have taken an unreasonable number of tests, and they are all very positive. I am having all of the early pregnancy symptoms. Despite it being glaringly obvious that I am pregnant, I need this appointment to verify what I already know so my brain can move on to the next step.

I don’t know how this happened. The only person I tried to get pregnant with was Luke, and we always assumed that with my problems, I was the reason nothing ever happened. Maybe something was also wrong on his end? Or maybe Ben does have fast swimmers. I don’t know if that’s even a thing. I know a shockingly small amount about sex and reproduction for someone on the verge of forty.

What I do know is I am scared. I am scared that they will tell me this isn’t real when I get to the doctor. I am scared of what this future will look like with Ben and how we will tell his kids. I’m scared that he will feel obligated to me because of this pregnancy and continue a relationship that he doesn’t want to be in. Or what if I try to make this work when it is no longer working because there is now a baby involved? I’m a mess, my emotions are everywhere, and I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. The one thing I do know? If this baby is real, and it’s looking that way, I’m keeping it. Life might get complicated, but this little mix-up is something I will not be taking for granted.

Despite how much of a wreck I have been, Ben has been great. He has kept reminding me that we have time to figure everything out, and the first priority is seeing a doctor and making sure the baby is okay. I know he has been through this before, but he is shockingly chill about this. I guess it's a good thing one of us is calm. It does provide a lot of relief that he isn’t panicking. Through these last two weeks of him being the Greatest Guy Ever, I’ve fallen so deep for him. He could be freaking out just as much as I am, but he simply isn’t. Instead, he has been calm and steady. I’ve also realized that he’s completely obsessed with me, and being shown that kind of affection has become one of my new favorite qualities in a lover.

Ben picks me up for the doctor’s appointment. Yes, he pulls into my driveway to pick me up, which still cracks me up every time. The kids are all at school, so we can sneak there without being detected. I told him that he didn’t have to come with me if it was awkward, and he said sweet things about supporting me and that I’m not alone.

“How are you feeling?” Ben asks on the drive to the clinic.

“Nervous, worried, insane. You?”

He grins at me and grabs my hand. “Don’t smack me, but I’m mostly just excited. It will be a relief to know everything is okay with the baby and know when you're due. After we find that out, I'll be full-blown excited. I can’t wait to tell my mom.”

“You don’t think your parents are going to be mad?”

“No, they’re obsessed with grandchildren. They’re going to be surprised and excited, just like I am. I know you haven’t met them yet, but they are going to love you. They already know everything about you.”

I groan and throw my head back against the seat. “I'm almost forty! Why do I feel like I’m having a teen pregnancy? Why do I feel like my parents are going to ground me when I tell them?”

“That would be difficult for them to enforce and not really worth the effort since you don’t go anywhere.”

I snap my gaze over to Ben and whisper, “What if they tell me I can’t see you anymore?”

“Please know what I'm going to tell you comes straight from my heart.” He pauses. “Get a grip. Your parents are going to be fine.” I start to interrupt him, and he continues, “Cora is going to be fine. We are adults; we made an adult decision, and we’re going to handle it—together. We got this, okay?”

I squeeze his hand and nod. “Right. You got this,” I replied, giving him the best smile I could muster up.

At the doctor’s office, I am a sweating, shaking, nervous disaster. Ben? Cool as a cucumber. It’s like he’s done this before. It does feel a little awkward being at a clinic with him because we have only been dating for a couple of months and have not had a ton of real-life adventures together. When they call my name to come back, Ben glances at me, silently asking if I’m okay with him coming with me. I grab his hand for courage, and we head toward the nurse.

I’m surprised to see they bring me right back to an ultrasound room. The ultrasound technician comes in and greets us.

She begins, “So, from the notes I read, you aren’t exactly sure when the baby might have been conceived or the date of your last period?

“Right. My periods have always been irregular. I’m really not sure. It could be anytime between July and now.”

“Ok, since you don’t know the time frame, we’re going to start with a vaginal ultrasound as it gives us a better picture. I’ll have you undress from the waist down, and then you can just lie back on the bed. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”