Page 65 of Here You Are

She exits the room, and I remain seated, frozen.

Ben nudges me with his elbow and says, “You good?”

“Are you going to stay?”

“Of course I am.”

I pause. “Uh, I have to get naked.”

“Toots. I’ve seen you naked.”

“They are going to put something in my vagina!”

“Cassie. I, too, have put things in your vagina.”

“What if this process makes me lose all sex appeal?”

“Babe. I’m so far out of my league with you, there is no possibility that could ever happen.”

I groan and then hop up to undress because I have wasted valuable time. I can’t afford the awkwardness of the ultrasound tech coming back before I’m neatly on the table with the paper sheet covering the intimate parts of me that she is going to be looking at quite closely in a few minutes anyway.

When she comes back to the room, I am ready. I’m nauseous, and I’m sweating. Ben is sitting right next to me, holding my sweaty hand, and I giggle on the inside, thinking about us being such sweaty parents. A match made in unexpected pregnancy heaven.

The ultrasound tech does her job of inserting the probe—which is immediately awkward—and then we hear a wooshing sound. I am oblivious to anything pregnancy-related, but I have heard this on television before.

I look at Ben, and he nods. He squeezes my hand and whispers in my ear, “That’s the heartbeat, Cass. It’s real.”

My eyes well up with tears, and it feels like the breath I’ve been holding can finally be let out. This is real. This is happening.

The ultrasound tech seems to be taking some measurements and different pictures. She shows us the baby’s heartbeat on the screen and what appears to be a little seahorse blob.

“Does everything look ok?” I ask, gripping Ben’s hand, bracing for her answer.

“Yes. The doctor will be in to talk with you about specifics, but everything looks okay. She smiles at us. “Is this your first baby?”

I reply “yes” at the exact same time Ben says, “no” which is probably confusing. We’re going to have to work on that.

She looks between us and smiles again. “Well, congratulations. Here are some pictures, and the doctor will be in shortly. You can get dressed.”

She hands me the pictures and walks out the door. They look like printouts of exactly what she showed us on the screen, yet I hold them tight. My baby’s first picture. Our baby’s first picture. I can’t believe it.

Ben helps me up and hands me my clothes to get dressed. I am so in shock, that I continue to stand there, dressed like Winnie the Pooh, staring at the ultrasound pictures. Eventually, Ben leans down, helps me slip my feet through my jeans and put my socks on.

“I can’t believe this.”

He pulls me into his chest, in his famous Ben hug. The greatest comfort of my life. “Believe it, Toots. You’re going to be a mom. You’re going to be a great mom, and I’m going to be beside you the whole way, no matter what happens.”

This confirmation and support have tears filling my eyes and spilling down my face. Such a simple statement, but it’s a lot of information to receive. I’m going to be a mom, and Ben’s not going anywhere. My boyfriend of a couple of months is making a lifelong commitment to me and this baby because his heart is so good.

My super kind, super hot hunk of a doctor enters the room with a big, cheesy grin on his face. This joker, who told me it was "highly unlikely” for me to get pregnant naturally. The dream crusher. He has some explaining to do.

“Well, well, well…” he starts. “I know how this happens, but how did this happen? Based on everything we’ve been through with fertility concerns, I did not expect to see this pop up on my appointment schedule for you.”

“Listen, you're not the only surprised person in this room,” I replied.

“Is it safe to assume this is Dad?” he asks, gesturing to Ben.

Ben stands up and shakes his hand. Ben replies,“Yes! I’m the dad!” with no chill whatsoever. His enthusiasm is catching. Sometimes I get scared he isn’t being realistic and is distracted by having a squishy new baby. I keep reminding myself that only time will tell, and so far, so good.