Page 12 of Falling Again

“Veronica, from the coffee shop. Are you not interested in her? Her eyes get huge and sparkly when she sees you, and every time I say I’m getting coffee for you, she blushes.”

“Oh, uh, no, I’m good. She’s my buddy from high school, Ryan’s, younger sister. She always had a little crush on me. But she’s like ten years younger than me.”

“Is she? Dang, I swear I can’t tell how old anyone is anymore. Veronica is seventeen but looks twenty-five. Meanwhile, my uncle Marty is sixty-five and could pass for forty.”

“It’s because he wears those gel undereye patches every morning and meditates for an hour per day.”

Reid chuckles and leans around the corner to his uncle’s office. Sure enough, Martin is typing something on his laptop, wearing his gold jelly undereye patches.

Reid saunters over to a chair against the wall while I continue to disinfect the tools and therapy bed. “My parents are having a housewarming party next week—you can come, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And uh …” Reid rocks back and forth on his feet for a beat. “Thanks again for hanging with Chloe. I know Annika feels terrible that she isn’t spending as much time with her. So it makes her feel better to know Chloe is not alone.”

“It’s no problem at all. She’s my friend—I love hanging out with her,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

“You aren’t into her, are you?” Reid suspects.

“Why, were you trying to set me up with Veronica?” I wince.

“No, not at all.” He clears his throat. “Chloe is like a little sister to me and even though we are buds, I’m protective of her a bit.”

I nod, “Good, you should be. We’re uh–we’re just hanging out. Nothing more.” I try to reassure Reid who is still looking at me suspiciously.

I squint and press my lips together. Do I admit my growing feelings toward her to Reid? He will probably say I’m lying even if I deny it. I do like her, a lot, but she’s my friend and I don’t want to jeopardize that. I haven’t opened up my heart to anyone since losing my parents four years ago. Beyond friendship, I don’t know if I can recover from another loss if we weren’t able to work out. My gut twists with the conflict. My cheeks were sore after I hung out with her last and I was so confused why until I realized it’s because I was smiling the whole time. I haven’t experienced that in years. I can’t jeopardize losing that happiness by making a move on her. Especially if I’m not certain that she feels the same way about me.

I exhale and finally say, “Okay, fine. It’s complicated.”

Reid raises his eyebrows, “Good complicated or bad complicated?” he asks and his demeanor changes from protective to concerned.

“Good complicated…we haven’t done anything. It’s just, I love having her as a friend, but I could see being something more. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”

“You haven’t dated anyone in like over a year.”

“I don’t think I’d count going for coffee with that travelling nurse, dating.”

“My point is, I think it would be good for you. Plus, Chloe is amazing and you two get along so well. Though, I wouldn’t mention anything to Annika, even if it’s just a crush. She might threaten your life.”

“Well, don’t say anything to her. Like you said, it’s just a crush. Nothing else.”

“Not yet,” Reid says, wiggling his eyebrows again and I throw a neck roll pillow at his head.

I’m strolling the walkway to Sean and Pam’s new Auburn Hills home the following weekend. It’s a two-story Craftsman with hunter-green wood shingles and walnut beams. A lawn flag reads, “Welcome Home,” with an illustration of two gnomes holding hands. I hear the conversations before climbing the porch steps to the front door. I already emailed my gift to Sean and Pam: a gift card to a hardware store. It’s boring, but they will be grateful for it when something gets busted. These old Craftsman style homes were built in the 1930s, so there’s always a loose knob or squeaky floorboard to address.

I open the door and see what appears to be the entire town in their living room. I immediately recognize nearly everyone here. Most are people my parent’s age—or what would’ve been their age. Some of my neighbors from up in the hills and even a few clients are here. Martin must have spread the news around town about his brother moving here. I doubt Sean and Pam know all these folks already. “The Parkers are taking over the town!” I hear someone shout from the corner of the room, followed by a roar of laughter.

I go through the crowd and see Martin and Sean, arm in arm, chatting with a group of people. They look like they could be twins, with the same broad build and wide smile. Though Sean is a bit more tanned than his brother. I scan the room for my friends. I usually can spot Chloe anywhere due to her curly hair, but she’s nowhere to be seen. I find Reid and Annika huddled together, sharing an armchair. They are whispering things to one another. Reid looks at her as if she’s the only person in the room. I’m about to crash their love party when a firm grasp lands on my shoulder.

I whip around to see my dad’s former coworker, Fred, from when he worked part-time at the feed and seed shop. Fred has a kind face and sunspots from working outside daily. His nose scrunches when he sees me, and a familiar dread washes over me. I can sense what he’s about to say.

“Tyler, my boy. Oh, I’ve been thinking about you.” He pulls me into a deep hug, squeezing me. I can’t breathe. “I was just thinking about the days your dad and I would be hauling bags of seeds in trucks. We all started cracking up the day he showed up with the llama.”

I try to force a laugh and back away, but three other people join in. I know them all well enough, and they all know my parents. They all grew up together, and my loss is just as much as theirs. But the difference is that they still have each other. They still have their family. I don’t. I don’t get to see my parents grow old. I don’t get to see my dad bake my wedding cake like he promised. I don’t get to see my mom teach my future children how to garden. They don’t get to see me get married. My dad and I never were able to go to Yellowstone together like we had planned. They never will meet my new friends. They will never meet Chloe. The people here say they feel for me, but they don’t know how I’m feeling. The room is closing in on me. My breathing feels heavy yet sharp. I hear myself say, “Excuse me … restroom.” I point in a random direction and push back through the crowd, making my way to the stairs.

I haul myself up to the second floor, find the nearest door, open it, and fling myself inside. The quiet air hits me like a truck. I still can’t control my breathing, but at least the spinning stops. I look up and see I’m in a room lined with bookshelves. Books are scattered across the floor, and on the other side, I see Chloe with a stack of them in her arms.

She turns slightly and sees me. “Oh hey Ty, you escaping the party too? Yeah, it’s a madhouse down there. It’s worse than the college parties Anni and I have been to! Except I don’t know anyone down there besides Reid and Anni, and they pretzeled themselves on the couch.”