Page 66 of Already Falling

But she hasn’t given me anything other than wanting our friendship to be mutual, so I follow suit. I don’t even know if I would make a move on her. Not until we unpack our baggage. I know I was harsh on her in our last interaction, and I guess I still have a fear she will reject me if I wear my heart on my sleeve like I did freshman year.

She circles my truck, swings the door open, and slides in. I give her a nod, and we share a fist bump. Even though we are more comfortable with each other, it’s become our little handshake.

“I figured we could listen to the album on the way there.” I go to switch on the radio, but she surprises me and turns it off.

“I thought we could just sing songs to no radio, you know, like the good ol’ days?”

This makes me burst into laughter. “Good ol’ days? I don’t know about that. There’s a lot I don’t miss about San Diego, and the lack of a radio in here is one of them.” I glance over, and she shifts in her seat a bit.

“Alright, let’s sing to no music. I know it’s just because you love my singing voice.”

She looks up at me, her little smirk on display. “You are the worst singer alive.”

I start beating on the drums and singing Neck Deep’s ‘Parachute’ at the top of my lungs.

Annika joins in, and that’s how we spend the hour car ride. Singing at the top of our lungs, windows down as the air starts to cool down, drumming on the dashboard, humming along to the parts we don’t know, and feeling like this whole moment could last forever.

After standing in line for twenty minutes at the merch booth and each getting a T-shirt, and one for Chloe and Tyler, of course, we find our seats. I leave for a second to grab us each a drink and come back to some tattooed shirtless dude chatting up Annika. She is smiling at him like she never smiles at me, and I don’t know why that pisses me off. I stalk up the stairs and approach them, staring the guy down.

“Hey Anni, here’s your drink.” I hand it to her and slide onto the seat next to her.

The shirtless guy pays me no attention and proceeds to ask for her number.

“Sorry, I don’t give my number out to random guys I meet. But maybe if we come across each other again at a farmer’s market or something, I’ll know its fate.” She shrugs her shoulders and plops down on the seat next to me, leaving the guy stunned in the aisle and me trying to hold in my laughter.

“You can leave now, bro. She doesn’t want to give you her number.” He finally notices me sitting next to her, grunts and shrugs, then walks down the aisle.

“Not gonna lie, it felt kinda nice, though. I haven’t had a guy ask for my number in, well, a long time.”

“You can do way better than a shirtless dude,” I say while taking a sip of my beer.

“I know,” she says.

The concert couldn’t go any better. Once the band comes on, we rarely sit and are instead drinking beers, singing, and dancing along to the music. We feel so relaxed together, and I realize it might not feel this way if we were to try a relationship again. We work so well as friends. It feels effortless. So instead of overthinking every bat of the eyelash or nudge to my arm, I sing and dance with my friend.

THIRTY-SIX

ANNIKA

I decide the last song is when I’m going to do it. I’m going to make a move. Chloe told me before I left to feel it out and let my gut take the lead. I want to try. I want to show him that I want to try. If I don’t try now, I’m not sure if I’ll get this courage again. I want to do it for real. No second-guessing, no overthinking. I’ve loved him since I was nine years old, and just being his friend these past few months only made me fall in love with him again.

The band finishes the song they are on, and the venue goes dark while the crowd shouts, “Encore, Encore,” until the band runs out on stage again.

Okay, this is it.

The band starts singing the song. One of the most popular songs on their album. The crowd starts bopping around the most they have the whole concert, including me and Reid. I take a deep breath and slip my hand behind Reid’s back. His body is warm and hard. I feel like my whole body—my whole world is shaking. I’ve never made a move like this on anyone before. Anyone that mattered. I could collapse down the aisles of people right now. I can barely control my legs. With my hand on his back, I stand up on my tip-toes and reach up to kiss Reid on the cheek. He flips his head over to me, and I just go for it. I lean in to meet his lips, closing my eyes and breathing in.

But I’m left in the air. I open my eyes and see Reid pulling his head back, shock on his face, and I realize I’ve made a terrible mistake. Time starts moving in slow motion. My heart drops out of my butt. I wish I could form wings and fly out of the venue. I wish I could crumble into ash and be swept away by the cleaning crew. I wish I had never done any of this. What have I done? Chloe was right. I shouldn’t have done anything. I should have ignored my stupid feelings. I should have taken that shirtless guy’s number. I ruined my friendship. My heart. It feels emptier than before. Great, now we have to move again.

Reid stands frozen in time while everyone around him jumps to the music.

“I’m sorry!” I blurt out, but the music is too loud. We stop dancing, and he leans closer to me. I almost think he’s going to kiss me back until he says,

“We are so good as friends, I—”

“No, no, you’re right. I’m sorry. I read the situation wrong. We are friends. And I’m…” I realize my vision is blurring, and I can’t be in this room anymore. I feel like everyone is closing in on me. I need to leave.

I break away from Reid and head toward the exit. I don’t stop running until I hit fresh air. A slap in the face, it feels like, as I burst through the exit doors. I’m not alone. Reid is right behind me. Of course he is.