Page 88 of Love and Lies

I took a deep breath. “I got a phone call. In the middle of the night. The part of Australia I lived in is fourteen hours ahead of New York, so it was two or three o’clock when my cell phone rang. We’d only just gone to bed; we’d been celebrating. I can’t remember why now…” I swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump sitting stubbornly in my throat. “Anyway, I woke up in the night to my phone ringing. It was Trish. She was pretty collected, like always. At first she just said something had happened, and I thought it must be Eli. She couldn’t get the words out, and I think I must have pushed her pretty hard. Then she said it. Just two things. Adam is dead. And, You have to come home. Then she hung up.”

Helena’s eyes grew large. “She left you alone with that?”

“I think, from her point of view, it was actually the other way around.”

“What do you mean?”

I took another sip and stared into my glass. “She’s never said it out loud, but I know it’s not just Valerie she holds responsible. She blames me too. She’d called me a few weeks earlier, begged me to come back and talk to Adam. Talk him out of being with Valerie. But I didn’t want to. I told her she shouldn’t spoil it for him now that he was finally having some fun for the first time in years.” I sniffed quietly.

Helena leaned in closer to me. “You know she’s wrong though, don’t you?”

“For a long time I thought she was right. Because I believed the things she said about Valerie.”

“And you don’t anymore?”

“No.” I took a breath. “You were right about what you said. He was always there—for me, for my mother, for my brother, for all his friends. If you ever had a problem, you could call Adam; you could be sure he would come and help.” I gave a bitter laugh. “But I wasn’t. I was never there for him, not when we were kids, or teenagers, and definitely not later on, when he decided he was going to marry a woman he’d only known a few months. I dismissed it as an obsession he’d latched on to because he’d always had to be so fucking sensible. I thought he wanted to make up for lost time—partying, girls. I had no idea he was serious about her. That he really loved her. And that there was probably no one on the planet who could have talked him out of it.”

Helena broke into a smile, her eyes glistening again. “No, no one could have done that. I saw them together.”

“Would you…” I broke off. I didn’t know how to get the words out. I looked at her uncertainly. “Do you think you could tell me something about Valerie? I’d really like to know who she was. What she was like.” I wanted to get to know the woman who had managed to make my brother really and truly happy. Probably for the first time in his life.

Helena brushed the tears from her cheeks with a smile. “Of course. I’ll tell you anything you want.”

40 Helena

When Jess asked me to tell him about Valerie, I needed a moment or two to gather myself. I was so deeply moved by the fact that he finally understood how much our siblings had meant to each other—and that he was ready to change his opinion about my sister. But I didn’t know where to begin—I had thousands of memories of Valerie on my mind today; I was going to have trouble choosing just one.

So I left it to him and asked, “What do you want to know?”

Jess considered for a moment. “What was her favorite food?”

“Pizza,” I replied, quick as a flash. “A Joe’s special—with parmesan, prosciutto, gorgonzola, and bacon. If she ever needed cheering up, that was your best bet.”

“Bold combination. But shows she was daring. And had taste.” Jess nodded appreciatively. “What was her biggest dream?”

I beamed. “To have her own business. We wanted to do tours of New York, and then other cities around the world.” I gave him the elevator pitch for our “Friends and the City” idea, though it was always hard to talk about it because the dream had died with Valerie.

“That sounds really good.” Jess looked at me, impressed. “Not that I’d ever encourage anyone to visit New York—”

“Philistine,” I shot back, grinning.

“—but if they were going to come anyway, that would be a great way to get to know the city. Why don’t you do it by yourself?” He was looking at me with such confidence that I found it hard to meet his eye.

“No, I can’t. I don’t… I’m not like her. Val had a gift; she could win people over with a few words and a smile. I can’t do that.” I shrugged and looked up at Jess again.

“I don’t think you have any idea what you’re capable of,” he said simply. “That you cast a spell on people just by looking at them. Or by throwing them on a crash mat, of course.”

I laughed, but the joke couldn’t distract from what he’d just said to me, and the effect it had. Heat rose inside me again, my heartache about Valerie slowly giving way to another emotion, one that set my heart racing. But I couldn’t let on how I felt right now. Tonight didn’t belong to us—it belonged to our siblings.

So instead, I gave a mischievous grin and said, “Probably not a good move to try with potential investors, though. The mat thing.”

“Depends on the investor.” Jess cocked his head to one side. “In case you ever wanted to go ahead with the idea… I’d be in.”

I gazed at him, astonished. “Are you serious?”

“Of course. I invest in promising start-ups—you know that.”

“Yeah, I know.” The fact that he’d made me an offer didn’t exactly calm my nerves. If we went into business together, we’d be connected, involved; we’d need to have regular conversations, meetings… but no sooner was my excitement blooming at the prospect than my heart sank again. “But it won’t come to anything. My parents are against it. They didn’t like the idea when Valerie was alive, and I’m sure they won’t like it any more if I pitch it again now. Especially not if you’re involved.”