Page 66 of Love and Lies

I wanted to scream. To tell them that I wasn’t Valerie, and Jess wasn’t Adam. That we weren’t going to suddenly get engaged and take a lethal dose of cocaine in a hotel room. But I said nothing. I wasn’t going to change their minds about Jess, I was certain about that.

“You’re flying straight back to Cambridge on Monday,” my father announced, leaving me in no doubt that it was set in stone. I was about to lose everything—my parents’ trust, the chance to carry out my mission, Jess. I found my voice again.

“No, Dad, please don’t send me away,” I begged him. “I only just got here, and my home is here, in New York City. I’ve just been lazing around since Valerie died, and now I finally have a life again.” I looked from him to Mom. “And anyway, nothing happened, no one knows anything. I’ll follow every rule you set from now on, no matter what.”

There was a knock at the door, and Mom went to open it. Lincoln came in wearing sports clothes, his hair tousled.

“What’s so important you had to get me out of bed?” he asked, closing the door behind him. Then he clocked me, and I saw disappointment in his eyes, but also concern.

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” my mother’s tone was sharp as a knife.

I sent a grimace Lincoln’s way, but he just shrugged.

“Okay, fine.” Lincoln ran a hand through his dark hair and sank onto an armchair. I owed him an apology—I’d gone to see Jess anyway, despite his plea—but I wasn’t sorry. After our almost-kiss, I couldn’t have gone no-contact with Jess without any explanation; that wouldn’t have been the decent thing. Oh, so what you did instead—that was the decent thing, was it? I pressed my lips together.

My father looked over at Lincoln. “This is a family matter. You might not think it necessary to inform us when your sister goes astray, but that doesn’t mean we agree.”

“I actually thought Helena and I were on the same page about this,” said Lincoln. “At least, I had the impression she understood what was at stake.”

“Clearly not,” my mother hissed, “since she had nothing better to do than march half-naked into that man’s room as soon as she got the chance.”

I took a deep breath. “She can hear you, okay? I’m sitting right here, and I’d be grateful if you didn’t talk about me as if I weren’t.” A glance at the clock told me almost half an hour had passed since Jess had left for the meeting with his mother. Would he be back by now? And if so, what would he think once he’d seen my note and realized I’d broken my promise? That I’d had second thoughts? My stomach tightened painfully again.

“We’ll send Helena back to Cambridge,” my father said, totally ignoring me. “First thing tomorrow.”

“Are you sure that’s smart?” Lincoln asked, his expression serious. “Think of the Winchester deal. Richard is already skeptical about whether we can pull the whole thing off like we promised. We can’t show any weakness before the presentation in a few weeks. And now that everyone knows Helena is back, if she disappears again… people might talk.”

The part of me that was cowering in fear, waiting for someone to put me on a flight, suddenly saw a glimmer of hope.

“There’ll be even more talk if she were to be seen with Jessiah Coldwell,” my mother countered.

“I’m sure she’s not planning to see him again. Right, Helena?” My father turned to me. So he was aware of my existence again, then.

“No, I’m not,” I said, while inside I was rebelling furiously against my own words. But I fought with all my strength to suppress it. Yes, I liked Jess—I liked him a lot. Maybe I was even falling in love with him. But if I wasn’t allowed to stay in New York, I would certainly never see him again, and so I had to do everything I could to make sure that didn’t happen. For Valerie too. Especially for Valerie, I corrected myself. “Like I said, I only went to his room to tell him we couldn’t see each other again. That it was… a mistake. With him.” I was as restrained as possible, almost detached, while under the surface I was a turmoil of anguish and fear.

“Okay.” My father nodded. “You may stay, at least until the Winchester deal is done. After that, we’ll revisit the matter of whether you’ll return to England. But you can rest assured that we will take steps to ensure you abide by our rules.”

I simply nodded.

“Now, off to bed with you, it’s late. You can sleep there.” My mother gestured to a nook I hadn’t seen yet, where a couch had been converted into a bed and made up with fresh sheets. I wondered why. My parents couldn’t have known they would end up summoning me to their room… were they sleeping in separate beds?

I didn’t ask, as there couldn’t have been a worse moment to bring up my parents’ relationship. Instead, as soon as my brother had taken his leave with a yawn, I went to use the bathroom. The Helena from before—the content, vivacious one—was nowhere to be seen in my reflection now. I had turned back into the version I knew all too well.

I went hastily back into the room, got into my makeshift bed, and pulled the covers over my head. How different things could have been tonight if Jess and I weren’t who we were. I could have fallen asleep in his arms, totally spent. Spent and satisfied by our time together. Not depressed and agitated like I was now. He must be back in his room at this point, clueless as to why I hadn’t returned. I knew he’d be worried—he cared about me, after all.

My parents went into the bathroom soon after, and although I knew I was taking a huge risk, without a moment’s hesitation I reached over to the little end table and lifted the phone handset.

“Mirage reception. How may I help you?” asked a man’s voice.

For God’s sake, don’t talk so loud or they’ll hear you.

“Could you please get a message to room 612?” I whispered softly so my parents wouldn’t hear. “Right away, if possible.”

“Of course, miss. What should it say?”

I had no time to think, so I kept it short and simple, without giving too much away to the staff.

“It should say: It’s over; they know. Please forgive me. H.”