Page 138 of Take Me Away

Couldn’t face me seeing her like this.

I understand it.

I do.

But understanding doesn’t stop the hollow ache in my chest where hope used to be.

She left.

Without waking me. Without a note. Without trusting me enough to let me decide whether I could handle this. She just ran. Again.

I sink onto the bed, phone heavy in my hand. The bed where twelve hours ago she told me she was staying. Where I fell asleep believing her. Where I woke up planning to paint the walls green because of her fucking eyes.

Everyone leaves.

I knew it.

I’ve always known it.

Mum. Isla the first time. Jess. Peter.

And now Isla again.

The only difference is this time I was stupid enough to believe it might be different.

Stupid enough to let myself hope.

Stupid enough to fall in love with someone who promised to stay and didn’t.

A door slams downstairs. Footsteps on the stairs. Heavy. Familiar.

‘Kit?’ Jude’s voice. ‘You okay up there?’

No. I’m not okay. I’m never going to be okay again.

But I can’t say that. Can’t fall apart. Not with Maisie about to wake up. Not with a village full of people who’ve just seen the woman I love violated and exposed and destroyed.

‘Yeah,’ I call back. ‘I’m fine.’

The lie tastes like ash.

But beneath the ash is a volcanic eruption just waiting to explode. It’s festering, building, a pressure pot that’s barely keeping its lid sealed on, because a hammering truth is simmering inside of me, and the evidence of it is printed in garish colours for the world to see.

Fact.

Truth.

I told Isla Quinn to chase her dreams. I sent her off – I let her go.

And I sent her to that.

I didn’t follow. I didn’t chase. I didn’t tell her that I was brave enough to go with her. No, instead I went to Newquay and met a girl to make a new life with.

While Isla never came back.

I hated her so much for it. Not because I’d spent years falling in love with her, two years with her, mine for the summer, only for her to leave me for something brighter and better. I hated her not because she left, but because she didn’t come back, not ever, not once, not even as my friend.

Now I can only wonder if she didn’t come back because of this.