Page 139 of Take Me Away

I launch for the bathroom again and throw up into the bowl.

And now, just like with Mum, with Jess, with Peter, I can’t say that I’m sorry. Sorry for not being enough.

The knock comes hours later. How many hours, I don’t know.

I’m still sitting on the bed, phone in my hand, staring at nothing. Jude left after I convinced him I wasn’t going to do anything stupid. He didn’t believe me, but he left anyway.

Now Dad’s voice carries up the stairs. ‘Kit? You up there?’

‘Yeah.’

Footsteps. Two sets. One heavy, one light and quick.

Then Maisie’s face appears in the doorway, school uniform covered in what looks like glue and the wilful trail of half of her packed lunch. Her smile’s automatic – the one she always gives me – but it falters when she sees my face.

‘Hey, Dad.’

Dad’s behind her. His jaw’s tight. His gaze asks: How do you want to handle this?

I shake my head slightly. Not now. Not in front of her.

‘Where’s Isla?’ Maisie asks, looking around the room like she expects Isla to materialise from the wardrobe. ‘Is she at Salt Cottage? Or with Nina?’

My throat closes.

‘Maisie,’ Dad says gently. ‘Why don’t you go get changed out of your uniform? I think your dad needs to talk to you about something.’

Her eyes go wide. That particular kind of wide that means a kid knows something bad’s coming but doesn’t know what yet.

‘Is Isla okay?’

‘She’s—’ I start, then stop. How do I do this? How do I tell my eight-year-old daughter that the woman who did her hair and looked after her while her dad broke down has run away because the whole world just saw her naked and broken?

‘Get changed first, Mais. Then we’ll talk. Okay?’

She nods slowly and heads to her room.

When she’s gone, Dad steps fully into the doorway. Crosses his arms.

‘You seen them?’ I ask.

‘Aye.’

‘And?’

‘And that bastard deserves to rot.’ His voice is flat. Controlled. ‘But that’s not what we’re dealing with right now, is it?’

‘She left.’

‘I know.’

‘Didn’t even wake me. Just – gone.’

Dad’s quiet for a moment. ‘Can you blame her?’

Yes. No. I don’t know.

‘She promised she was staying.’