Page 116 of When We Are Old

“My vitals are fine.”

Using a well-practised firm hand, she shoved me back, and underneath me a plastic surface creaked. “Oh, God. I’m not on a hospital bed, am I?”

“We tend to not like visitors rolling around unconscious on the floor.”

“Unconscious?” I stopped fighting against her grip. “I just went a bit funny that’s all.”

The nurse—I darted a glanced at her badge, Sarah—swept an astute and I’m not taking any shit glance over me. “You were out for a good couple of minutes. Has it happened before?”

My face scrunched into a painful grimace, my right temple ached, and I lifted a hand to rub at it. “No.” I thought for a second and then for the simple fact of not being a lying cow to the kind nurse I adjusted my response. “Hardly ever.”

“Hm.”

“Your blood pressure is very low. I’m going to get you tea and a biscuit and let’s see if we can get you feeling better.”

I clutched at my stomach. A sharp pain speared to the left, near my hip. “I’m really fine. I need to get back to my, to my…” Dark spots danced in my vision. “My boyfriend’s family. He’s been in an accident.”

“I know. Matthew. I’ve heard all about it. His brothers are very loud,” she flickered a smile, “and big.”

“Matthew's the biggest.” Again, a bubble crept up my throat. “I can’t bear it.” I blinked, trying to get rid of the stinging in my eyes, but it just trickled out along my lashes.

“Ronnie?” The nurse soothed my hair. “He’s out of surgery. He came out just as you decided to roll onto the floor.”

My chest heaved, a painful drag of air stuck in my windpipe.

“Is he okay?”

Okay wasn’t the right word? Was he alive? How bad was it? What would happen now? I needed the nurse, Sarah, to give me the answers to the universe, but I would settle for okay.

“The doctor is talking to his mum and brothers.”

So not okay then.

Not okay at all.

“Oh, okay.”

Too many okays were in my head. They were going to explode over the wall in a mash of useless letters.

She patted my hand and it smacked like a killer blow into my heart.

“I don’t understand what happened. He only went to get his dog.”

Oh, God. Ewan and Jack.

“I know. The other brother, the younger one, he spoke to the vets. The dog is okay, apart from a broken leg.”

I nodded.

“You two been together a long time?”

I shook my head, staring at the white sheet of the hospital bed. “Uh no. Just a couple of months.” It sounded so stupid. Such a small amount of time to actually be with him. He’d been mine for weeks, days really.

My breath caught in my throat, the black spots blending into the centre of my vision until I couldn’t see around them.

“Whoa, Ronnie. Where are you going?”

I shook my head, my skin stung with cold sweat, panic blinded to me to everything except pitch black.