Page 117 of When We Are Old

“I’ve loved him my whole life.” I held onto the words, pulled them closer so I could use them as a lifebuoy.

Sarah’s maroon uniform came back into view and I found her leaning over the edge of the bed, both her hands clasped around mine. Her lips lifted into a smile that made her pink cheeks bunch into apples.

“That’s very romantic.”

I shook my head. “Not really. I never told him. He never told me. We’ve lived our whole lives apart.”

I shook myself. “Thank you for looking after me, but I really need to go and find Lynn and the others.”

“Ronnie. One cup of tea and a biscuit. When you prove to me you’re safe, I’ll let you up.”

“This is silly.” I grumbled. “It’s just a panic attack.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Maybe.”

Deciding to wait until she left to get the tea before I made a run for it, I settled back down against the pillows.

She was just at the door when the chatter of voices came from the hallway. Gruff notes, similar to Matthew's but not as beautiful or as clear.

“Ronnie!” Lynn walked in, seeming smaller than I remembered her being in her kitchen just hours before. Her face was pale, blotched, and it made my stomach turn to lead.

“Lynn, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry, love. I could see you were struggling. You went a bit quicker than I was expecting.”

“Aye, and face first.” Liam pushed around his mam and gave me an astute sweep of his gaze.

“How’s Matthew?” I sat up straighter. Small talk, always a difficulty of mine, was like trying to swallow hot coals.

Lynn perched on the bed, easing her hip onto the mattress and grabbed my hand. She soothed it for a moment, rubbing her cool palm over the skin.

“Lynn. Please.”

“He’s…” her voice tightened.

I knew what she was going to say. I’d been through this before. The hand holding. The delicate silence that spoke more than words.

Matthew was dead.

He was dead and I didn’t know how I would even face one more minute.

No wait. Hannah. You need to stay focused on Hannah. She needs you.

“They managed to stop the swelling from the head injury.” She heaved in another breath. “And his spine didn’t have the fracture they were first worried about. He’s broken a lot of bones though, severely in some places. His right femur is shattered. It’s going to take a lot of time before they get him anywhere close to walking.”

“He’s not dead?”

The black spots swirled faster and I gripped onto her hand as tight as I could.

“No.” Lynn patted my hand. “It would have been much worse if that motorist hadn’t used the special blanket on his head.”

“Is he awake?”

Lynn shook her head. “No, he’s in an induced coma.”

My whole head tingled as I guess the blood drained from it. Lynn must have seen, because she quickly jumped in to explain. “It’s medically induced so he can recover from the surgery to his skull and because he will be in a lot of pain.”

I nodded, but her words weren’t fitting together in any coherent pattern. “I need to see him. I need to see he’s okay.”