Page 3 of Aperture

I resolve then and there to stop trying so hard to make something happen in my love life. I vow to be happy with my friends and professional life to preserve my sanity. Period. With that goal in mind, I quickly get ready, grab my equipment, and head out the door.

Chapter 2

I love shoots on days like this. This family is a dream to photograph. Usually, I don’t enjoy working with small children, but these two kids are making my ovaries cry. They are adorably well-mannered little humans. I have a feeling we’re working on borrowed time, though. I saw big brother pull little sister's hair a second ago, and she retaliated by tossing a handful of dirt his way.

The beautiful day we had has turned into an even more gorgeous afternoon. It’s almost sunset, and the air is warm but not too warm. There is essentially no wind. Wind is the worst when you’re trying to do a photoshoot, unless maybe you’re Beyonce. This lighting is perfect but we’re going to lose it if “Uncle Theo'' doesn't get here very soon. We’ve been waiting for this guy for 20 minutes. All I have to say is that he better be worth the wait.

Five minutes pass and I’m ready to tell the Carsons that we need to get going when the elusive Theo saunters up. He’s carrying a pink bakery box so he’s clearly forgiven, and as he gets closer, I resolve that he was, in fact, worth the wait.

He’s conventionally attractive, dark and handsome with a beautiful smile and hazel eyes that are equal parts green, brown, and gold. He’s clean-shaven, showing off his strong jaw and full lips. Theo is greeted by his sister with a giant hug and a handshake from his brother-in-law. The kids run over and jump on him and he covers their little faces with smooches. My ovaries are past crying. They are having a full-blown hissy fit.

Setting the kids down he walks up to me and introduces himself. “I’m sorry I’m late, but I brought cupcakes,” he says softly. “I’m Theo.”

“Hi, Theo. I’m glad you made it. I’m Millie.” I smile. “Cupcakes are not necessary, but always appreciated.” I take the box and set it down next to my stuff. “Let’s get you guys set up while we still have this light.”

“After you,” he says as he makes a sweeping motion with his arm.

I situate the family in front of the rocks on the beach. We shot in a field earlier that captured the beauty of our small coastal town and now we’ve moved on to the ocean.

The sun is situated just beyond a tall rock and it’s casting beautiful gray shadows around the family while the light surrounds them in halos. I ask Mr. Carson to stand on the left and hold his daughter while Mrs. Carson stands in the middle, holding her son. Theo is next to his sister on the right. They look so beautiful in their matching shades of blue and gray.

Since I’m looking through my camera, I can study Theo without looking like a creep. He is wearing dark blue denim jeans that fit tight through his impressive thighs. He’s not overly tall, maybe 5’10”, plenty tall for me, and it’s evident that he takes care of himself. His gray henley fits perfectly through the chest and biceps. The light gleaming down on him highlights the different brown tones of his hair, the golden tones in his hazel eyes, and his insanely long eyelashes. Why do men always have the best eyelashes?

I’m momentarily awed until he adjusts his eyes and looks at me directly through the camera and smirks knowingly. I realize he’s caught me peeping, but I recover quickly and start directing the whole family as my camera captures their beauty.

Once we are done with the shoot, and the kids are done with their patience, I explain how to order prints directly from my website.

Theo is playing with the kids in my peripheral vision, and I can’t help but think that someone like him would NEVER ask to smell my Taco Bell farts. Theo is much too perfect for that. I’m surprised when he walks over to me a moment later and offers to help me carry my things to the car.

We walk in silence, and as I load up my stuff, I can’t help but feel like he wants to ask me a question, but something is holding him back. He gives me a shy smile when I make eye contact and looks at me through those long lashes. I can sense him warring with himself.

“Thank you for not being upset about my being behind schedule. I travel for work and barely made it back in time for this.”

His eyes light up when he smiles, giving me a warm feeling from the pit of my stomach to my toes. He has a small dimple on his right cheek because, of course, he does.

“No problem,” I reply, trying to act casual. “I’m glad you made it while we could still capture the best light.“ I put the pink box on the driver's seat of my car. “Plus, you brought dessert. I could never be mad after that.” I’m not great at flirting, but I try to give it my best shot and step a little closer to him.

Theo smiles again, puts his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels, effectively putting more space between us.

“Well, it was great to meet you, Millie,” he says, as if the chemistry between us isn’t as palpable to him as it is to me.

“Oh. Uh, you, too, Theo,” I reply.

Then he turns and walks to his car.

I can’t help but be disappointed in the outcome of the interaction, which is to say, there is no tangible development. He’s a handsome, seemingly normal man. I would like to see him again. Now the moment has passed, and I’ve let him walk away. I berate myself internally for not being more forward. Guys like him don’t come around often, at least not in Sierra Falls.

With that thought, I get in my car, grab the pink box, and tear into a cupcake to soften the sting of disappointment.

◆◆◆

That was so unexpected, I think, as I help Sarah bring in groceries from the car. I was not feeling like myself today and did not want to be participating in this family photo shoot. I hate the façade that people put on for those kinds of things. Everyone dresses perfectly, and it takes hours to get one perfect snapshot in time. I am more interested in the outtakes of life. I like when people show you the real stuff: eyes rolling, kids crying, and honest human emotion. Real life is so messy, but I prefer it over the simulated perfection everyone portrays on social media, probably because I spend so much of my time masking who I am.

I just got home from a trip late last night, and it took me forever to drag my ass out of bed this morning and get ready. I was already running late, so I figured I would stop and grab something from the bakery to get my ass out of the doghouse with my sister. Then I saw Millie standing there, fiddling with her camera, and I forgot all about my plan.

I walked right up to her and gave her the box instead. Sarah did not seem too mad at me. She was probably excited to see me interact with a woman.

I interact with a lot of women, to be honest, but not in any natural, authentic way. I keep parts of myself hidden because I have learned it’s better for everyone that way.