Page 76 of Tumbling Hearts

“I’m sorry. I know I’m a piece of shit. I fucking ruined everything. Carrie, I still like you. The thing with Gene is different. He’s my best friend. He’s a guy. But I didn’t mean to hurt you like this…” He lets his hair fall back over his face, his hands coming to his sides, shaking up a storm.

“It’s different, huh?” She frowns, throwing up one hand. “I guess so. He’s not your girlfriend, like I am. Hell, with you both being guys—and you’re both fucking rockstars, for Christ’s sake—it’s not like he could ever be your official ‘boyfriend’ anyway, right? You’re probably just ‘experimenting’; I get it. Because he has a girlfriend, too. But that’s no reason to fucking lie to me and do it behind my back.”

“No, you’re right. It’s… super shitty. I fucked up. I’m sorry…” He can’t stand this conversation any longer. His heart is going to rip out of his chest. His shoulders won’t stop shaking. What else can he say to make things right?

“If you’re really sorry, then you’ll pull your act together. If you really care about me and want to be with me, you’ll stop this bullshit with Gene and be with me only.” She points at his chest. “Since you’re some big famous rockstar, you can’t be with Gene anyway! I’m giving you one last chance to prove yourself to me. I’m sick of the lies.”

Ray gulps, his hands forming fists at his sides, palms sweaty. “I do like you a lot, Carrie. I won’t lie to you anymore. I promise.”

“Fine. Fucking fine!” She itches her head, flipping her brown hair as she throws her hand out. “I like you, Ray. But you can be such an asshole at the same time. I like your band, I like everyone here a lot, I love traveling with you all and the music, but…”

His heart slams against his ribs. “Please, don’t say anything about me and Gene to anyone. Oh my god.” He puts his hand on his chest, his pulse racing. “It can’t get out that I did anything with him. It’d ruin the band.”

“So it’s not just about fucking me over; you also jeopardized everyone’s entire career by sleeping with Gene?!”

“I know it’s bad. Fuck. But this can’t get out. Think of Santi. Think of Stefan. Hell, think of Pat!”

That gets her to jolt.

“I don’t want to ruin their lives because of my own bad decisions,” he says. “They didn’t do anything wrong. Please, no matter what happens between me and you, just—just don’t tell anyone else about me and Gene. I’ll tell the rest of the band myself, um, whenever I get a chance. Please, just promise me this. Please.”

Carol’s mouth twists. He can see her visibly shaking, brows furrowed, teeth gritting. “Fine. I won’t say anything about you and Gene. Fine! But I’m not doing it for you, it’s for Pat and the others. Because I’m really, really fucking mad at you for this. You can tell Pat yourself.” She shakes her head, and runs her fingers through her bangs. “What about Toshiko, though? I doubt she has any idea. Fuck, Gene’s such a piece of shit too, for that.”

Ray bites his lip. He rubs his palms against his hips, wiping off the sweat onto his pants. “No, she wouldn’t know. But let Gene deal with that himself, okay? Please? Whatever’s going on between them, they’ll work it out.”

“Fine. Whatever, they can deal with it. I still can’t believe this. Goddammit. Or, maybe I can. You’ve given me all the clues and I was too careless to put the pieces together. Whatever. I’m done with the Quaaludes. I’m done with the bullshit. Even if you make it up to me, you’re still a piece of shit for doing it in the first place!”

It happens so fast, he can’t avoid it.

The palm of her hand slaps against his cheek.

It stings—he yelps, the pain absolutely burning. In a flash, he puts his hand up to his face, covering the area.

“Carrie!”

“You deserve it. Fuck, I need some space. I just… I just don’t want to be around you right now!”

She grabs her suitcase, swings open the door, and rushes out—leaving the door ajar and Ray standing there in the dust.

“Oh… oh my fucking god.”

He stares out the door, looking out at the parking lot. Did anyone hear us? Did Gene hear us? Gene’s room is just next door. Ray wants to go out and check, but for some reason, he can’t move. He’s caught in a standstill, holding his throbbing cheek, gazing out the doorway. But he can hear someone’s voice outside—not Gene’s, but someone else he knows…

“Hey, Carol! Is everything okay?”

It’s Santiago—Ray can see him outside, looking in the direction of where Carol had stormed off to.

“Leave me alone!” she shouts. “Is Pat in her room?”

“Um, yeah, I think so?” Santi says. “Sheesh, cool it, will ya?”

Ray doesn’t hear her answer. Instead, Santi looks into Ray’s room, his eyes widening when he catches sight of him.

“Ray, what happened?! Are you okay?”

Ray can’t do anything but stand there, holding his painful cheek, as Santiago rushes into his room.

“Ray! What’s going on?” Santi asks, his eyes frantic.