Page 93 of Wear It Like a Crown

After a silent beat that lurched in Leo’s veins, Nate slid into the passenger seat. His voice was impassive. “You lied to me.”

When had Leo—oh. Yeah. He’d played it so as to keep Nate from digging deeper, but by doing so, he’d implied that the distance between him and Joshua had been Joshua’s call.

“I didn’t lie,” Leo said carefully. The dim light in the underground car park clouded his brain.

Nate scoffed, a sound edged with hurt. “You implied that he didn’t want you, and that, like—you said you can’t make him happy. Which issuchbullshit, because the guy is?—”

“I told him I’m in love with him,” Leo interrupted. “He didn’t say it back.”

Nate’s frown was dark and stubborn. “That makes no sense. The guy is completely gone for you.”

Leo’s heart gave a sharp throb, everything grinding to a halt. It took him a moment to catch up with Nate’s next words.

“I mean,” Nate sounded helpless, “the way you’d been acting, I thought he’s the one who broke your heart. But this whole thing has hit him just as bad. Leo, hecried. You did that.”

No. No, no, no.

Leo couldn’tthink.

He squeezed out words past the choking sensation that had gripped his throat. The car felt claustrophobic. “He’ll get over it.”

Nate was quiet for several seconds, studying Leo with a heavy gaze. When he spoke, it was uncommonly solemn. “Yeah. He will. Eventually,he will. But do you realise what that means? He’s the country’s sweetheart, mate. If he gets over you—whenhe does, at some point…” He shook his head. “You won’t be able to escape. It’ll be all over the papers, him with someone else. Are you ready for that? Seeing him smile at someone else, kiss someone else?—”

“Stop,” Leo broke in. He couldn’t fit enough air into his lungs. “Stop.”

Nate made to grip Leo’s shoulder, his hold tight enough to border on painful. “Explain it to me,” he said. “Because I don’t fucking get it. Why are you denying yourself the only thing I’ve ever seen you want for yourself?”

Because it’s hopeless. Because I’d destroy him.

“Because I just… There’s…” Falling silent, Leo sank lower in the seat, a sickening weight in his stomach.

Nate dropped his hand and leaned back, away. His voice carried disappointment. “Fuck, Leo. Will you ever stop running?”

A small, nasty part of Leo wanted to hit back, call Nate a bloody hypocrite who had no right to go casting stones. But… Jesus fucking Christ, it wasn’t true. If Leo were to share a slice of his past, he knew that Nate would be ready, would match him step for step. The other way around… not necessarily so.

Leo’s belly felt bloated with anxiety, as heavy and swollen as his lungs. “Tell you mine if you tell me yours,” he got out.

It clearly took a couple of moments for Nate to understand, then he smiled. Somehow, Leo managed to smile back. His body expanded around it.

While Leo drove them home, Nate called in to let James know they wouldn’t be at the office before noon. They handed the car back and then lingered in front of Nate’s door for an awkward moment, the reality of their impending conversation pressing in on Leo. Nate looked just as uncertain.

“How about,” Leo suggested, “we grab tea and breakfast somewhere? And then maybe just… walk?”

“Sounds good,” Nate said quickly. The idea of moving while they talked seemed to settle him just as much as Leo.

They descended the stairs in silence, close together, and stopped at a café down the road. Steaming cardboard cups and pastries in hand, they emerged back outside. The worst of the morning rush was over, the sun warming their faces and promising a clear day.

“Left or right?” Leo asked quietly, and Nate twitched his shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter, does it?”

“No. Not really.” For no particular reason Leo turned left and carefully sipped at his hot tea as he started walking, Nate falling into step. Another minute dragged by in silence, less awkward now that they weren’t just standing there, the tension between them more thoughtful, hesitant.

It was Nate who broke it. He inhaled deeply, swallowing down a bite of his disgustingly healthy-looking oatmeal scone. “So. Shall I go first?”

Leo twisted a piece off his own caramel scone. “If I had to take a wild guess,” he glanced at Nate’s profile, “I’d say you worked for the government. Hacking into computer stuff, probably.”

“Computer stuff?” Nate repeated, an amused tilt to his voice even though his expression tightened for a moment, a flash of discomfort in his eyes.