Page 88 of Wear It Like a Crown

Joshua’s heart performed a slow, sad twist in his chest. He needed a moment to raise his head, and his voice sounded as raw as his entire body felt. “Pretty much. I mean, I think he’s had some help, like James giving him that chance, but… he took it.”

“Gotta respect that.”

Joshua forced some air into his chest. “He said he’s in love with me.”

There was no surprise on Tristan’s face; he merely nodded. “Yeah. After last night, with the way he was looking at you—I figured. Why else would he put himself through an evening with people who hate him? What did you say?”

Joshua choked on an empty laugh. “That I don’t believe him.” Now that he had to put it out there, it sounded truly horrible, and he hurried to add, “Because I knew he was still holding back, so I thought he didn’t trust me, and if he didn’t trust me… I don’t know what I thought. I only worked out the hooker thing after, and if I’d known—” Abruptly, he cut himself off.

For several moments, they were both silent. The music was still seeping in from somewhere in the flat, and Joshua was grateful for that tiny slice of normalcy.

“You know,” Tristan said quietly, a cross between incredulous and dismal, “if this is true, if you’re right… Fuck. You and him would be a huge scandal. The Prince with a rent boy.”

“Former rent boy,” Joshua corrected. Even as he said it, he knew it would be a minor distinction to many.

“Either way, it’ll be sleazy. People won’t care what he’s done since then, how bloody well he’s done for himself. They’ll only focus on that one little thing.”

“I don’t give a shit about what strangers think,” Joshua bit out. “They have no idea. They don’t know me, they don’t know him, andthey sure as hell don’t know us.” Then he shook his head, shoulders sagging. “Except, I mean. There is no us. Obviously.”

Tristan’s tone was devoid of judgment. “So if it turns out you’re right, about what he’s done… You’d want him just the same. You wouldn’t be bothered?”

The question pulled Joshua up short. Could he honestly claim it wouldn’t make a difference? That it wouldn’t change his view of Leo at all?

Stalling, Joshua reached for his glass and washed the bitter taste in his mouth down with some juice. Shit, this was… God. It was just… a little hard to digest. There’d been strangers with their hands all over Leo, strangers who weren’t Joshua. Dozens of them, maybe hundreds. And it would have been different if Leo had wanted all of that, if he’d had a lot of one-night stands just for the hell of it, because it had felt good. Because it had been fun.

The little clues Joshua had caught suggested Leo hadn’t had fun.

But the thing was… The thing was, even if Leo had offered sex for money, then that didn’t change who he had become. Which—oh. Was that what he’d meant earlier, when he’d said that Joshua did know him, that Joshua knew who he wasnow? As though the past was a stepping stone.

Carefully, Joshua set his glass back down in precisely the same spot as before, a ring of condensation marking the place.

“I would hate,” he began, nearly inaudible, “that all those people got to touch him without deserving it. When he probably didn’t really want them to. I’d hate that he ever was at a point where he felt he had to do that, and I’d wish I could change it. But…” Turning his head, Joshua met Tristan’s gaze and held it, felt his voice gain an edge of confidence. “But if that’s part of what shaped him, then it’s a part ofhim. So.”

Tristan sent him a small, genuine smile. “You’re in love with him.”

Oh.

The words bounced around Joshua’s skull, stirred up dust and upset his sense of balance. Something in his stomach gave, like plummeting through a slow-motion fall. “I’m in love with him,” he confirmed, toneless. Then, “Oh God.What do I do?”

The last part came out panicked. He gripped Tristan’s shoulder, felt wide-eyed and disoriented, utterly shaken.

Tristan covered Joshua’s hand with his own. “You know, if there’s one thing I’ve come to learn? It’s that honest communication saves you a whole damn lot of drama. It’s not about pride, or having the upper hand or some crap like that. There’s no tally. It’s just…” He paused, then lifted his shoulders in a tiny shrug. “It’s about what makes both of you happy. And if he already told you he’s in love with you? Seems fair to return the favour.”

“He told me he loved me right before he said it didn’t matter.” The memory cut through the haze in Joshua’s brain like a sharp knife slicing through tulle. Leo had made his decision. Even if he was in love with Joshua, he didn’t want the public exposure that would come with a relationship—and Joshua couldn’t blame him.

The constant attention and judgment would have been a high price already, even for someone without Leo’s baggage. It would mean sacrificing a slice of normalcy for Joshua, and he remembered his own words from what felt like years ago when really, it had been no more than a few short weeks.Show me the guy who’ll stick around once the media calls on the hunt.

For Leo, the potential price was so much higher than normal.

“Of course it matters,” Tristan said, an echo of Joshua’s own response to Leo’s words.

Leaning into Tristan’s side, Joshua exhaled in a rush. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this drained. “No.” He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. And it doesn’t matter that I love him back. He doesn’t want the publicity, and I have to respect that. If I told him… I’d only put him under pressure. That’s not fair.”

“Nothing about this is bloody fair.” Tristan muttered a half-hearted curse, quiet for a moment before he asked, “Who’s he protecting, though? Himself or you? And don’t you think he has a right to know how you feel, maybe?”

Tired, God. So very, very tired. Joshua wanted to sleep for a century. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. All I know is that this… That Leo and I won’t happen.”

“You just said you don’t care about the shitty opinions of strangers.”