Page 22 of Wear It Like a Crown

“It is, in some people’s eyes.” Joshua went on quickly, before Leo had a chance to argue. “Look, I’ve had to hide this for years. I guess it’s easier for you to be confident and proud.” Or was it? Vaguely, Joshua recalled something Leo had said about costs, about knowing the costs, so he amended to, “Maybe, I wouldn’t know. But I’ve been hiding this since I was sixteen. Like a dirty secret, something to beashamedof, and you can’t expect—it leaves a scar or two, you know?”

Twelve seconds passed until Leo replied; Joshua knew because he counted them out in his head. “I think it’s hardly ever easy,” Leo said slowly. “But yes, I see how it may be harder for you than for most.”

Given Leo’s initial disdain, it was more than Joshua had expected. “Thank you,” Joshua told him. It came out a little stiff.

“Of course.” Leo raised a brow. “I’m not an arse, you know. I do try tounderstand.”

“Could have fooled me,” Joshua muttered. At Leo’s silence, he realised how that must have come across and looked up quickly. “Sorry. I mean, not now. I appreciate you being here, taking the time. But you were a bit of an arse the first time we met.”

“The first time we met, yeah.” There was a strange lilt to Leo’s voice, something almost self-deprecating that Joshua couldn’t read. “Sorry about that, I guess. The whole thing caught me by surprise.”

While Leo had apologised before, it sounded as though he actually meant it this time. So Joshua took a deep breath and nodded, reaching across the table to touch the back of Leo’s hand. “It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.”

Just as Joshua was about to retract his hand, Leo grasped it for a quick squeeze. Still, he let go sooner than Joshua would have liked. “Clean slate, then?”

“Clean slate,” Joshua confirmed.

They smiled at each other for a long beat that shivered in Joshua’s bones, warm and bright. Then Leo sat up straighter and clapped his hands.

“Now, with that out of the way? Let’s get down to business.” He tipped an imaginary hat at Joshua. “We’re going to make a list of pros and cons. Structured, rational, irrefutable. Like proper adults. Adults who get a biscuit for each good argument they find.”

A list. A list of pros and cons that might tip the scales in favour of a coming-out. Joshua’s stomach clenched around nothing.

Okay. He could do this. It was why he’d asked Leo over, after all.

Hecoulddo this.

Hoping that his momentary freak-out had gone unnoticed, Joshua saluted Leo. “I accept your terms, dear sir. Will we require vodka for this undertaking? Desperate times and all.”

“No vodka before five in the afternoon.” Leo’s grin was wide, almost manic. “What about sparkling wine? That’s acceptable any time of the day.”

“I like the way you think,” Joshua told him. With that, he rose from his chair and went in search of alcohol. As soon as he was inside and out of view, he stopped for a second, one hand against the wall, his heart beating high up in his throat.

Okay.Okay. He could absolutely, totally and definitely do this. He was ready.

He was not ready at all.

But he was going to do it all the same.

Pushing away from the wall, he continued on his way into the kitchen and ignored the gently swaying motion of the floor under his feet.

* * *

One bottle of sparkling wine and a package of biscuits later, they’d jotted down thirteen arguments to support a coming-out, and eleven reasons to stay in the closet. Not altogether helpful, really.

Leo could tell that Joshua was growing increasingly frustrated and confused, when the goal had been to achieve the opposite. They’d moved over to the outdoor bed—sofa—a while ago, and Joshua was stretched out on his stomach, glaring down at the piece of paper as though personally offended by how it didn’t provide a clear answer. Briefly, Leo considered suggesting that they weigh the different arguments, rank them by importance and likelihood of occurrence. But Joshua needed additional complexity like he needed another Johnson in his life.

Speaking of needing things, Leo wouldn’t mind another glass of sparkling wine. Except for how his blood was already sizzling like a well-shaken fizzy drink, on the verge of spilling over. More alcohol would be a bad idea.

Leo excelled in those, though. See: agreeing to spend the last two hours in Joshua’s sole company. Fuck. It had beenyearssince he’d been truly attracted to someone, but right now, his body was in a muddled state of yes-yes-no, perplexed at his past colliding with his present. He really wanted to twine his hands into the mess of Joshua’s curls. He also wanted to dance his fingers down the curve of Joshua’s spine and slide them underneath his top.

What the fuck waswrongwith him?

Shifting a little further away, he crossed his legs and tugged at the collar of his T-shirt, the day heating up with noon drawing close, warmair wrapping around him like a heavy cloak in spite of the canopy that protected them from direct sunlight. Warm air, yes. It was the only reason he felt restless and buzzing. Nothing at all to do with his teenage crush right there, within easy reach.

“This is useless,” Joshua announced suddenly. “It’s not helping at all.” He dropped the pen onto the floor where it landed with a clatter, rolling into a gap between two wooden boards. For once, he seemed every bit like the spoilt brat Leo had expected when Joshua had come into James’ office—and Christ, had that really only been yesterday?

“I never promised a fucking miracle, little prince,” Leo said.