Page 23 of Wear It Like a Crown

Immediately, Joshua twisted to look at him. His expression was stricken. “Not how I meant it, Leo. I’m so sorry it came out that way. I just meant—notthat our talk was useless. Or this, you coming over.” His lips parted for a deep sigh. “I’m just annoyed with myself, I think. Like, I have all the pieces right here, so why can’t I just look at them objectively and figure out what the hell I shoulddo?”

And just when Leo had thought he might win back a shred of healthy irritation, ofdistance, stupid Prince Joshua disarmed him by acting all lost and vulnerable. Who’d given Joshua the fucking right to be…this? This mix between the pretty boy Leo’s teenage self had obsessed over and the young man who was no less attractive. Oh, hey, and since Leo was asking questions already, who’d declared it okay for Joshua to cook Leo a full English breakfast, and have it tastegood? Who’d allowed Joshua to be the kind of person who struggled with wanting to do the right thing, the kind of person who chose words slowly, as though each one deserved undivided attention? Was there some higher deity Leo could appeal to?

He must have been fucked in theheadto agree to this meeting. This was the opposite of getting closure.

Leo drew his knees up to his chest and took the list from Joshua, skimming through the items.Kiss someone in publichad been underlined, as well asWouldn’t need to fear outing by someone I trust. In the contra column, Joshua had added an exclamation mark behindHow will this affect Mum and Emma? What if this is the thing that breaks us?

“Are you really worried that a coming-out could end the monarchy?” Leo asked. “Don’t you think that’s a bit dramatic?”

“I don’t know.” With a groan, Joshua rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his face. His voice came out muffled. “I don’tknow. Maybe I’m too scared, or maybe it’d have the people storm Buckingham Palace and declare everything public property and then my whole family will be executed at the gallows and it’ll bemy fucking fault.”

“You realise the death penalty’s been abolished, right?”

“Exceptional circumstances. One-time reinstitution.”

“Joshua. That willnothappen.” Leo fought the temptation to combine his words with a touch to Joshua’s elbow, anything that would get the Prince to look at him. “People love the whiff of scandal, and if it’s carefully planned, it could even increase your popularity. If we make it clean and innocent, spin it into a sweet love story, maybe…” A sudden idea occurred to Leo, and he turned it over in his head. It just might work. “Mo could pose as your boyfriend for a while. You’d make a gorgeous couple, and there’s the friends-to-lovers narrative that never fails to attract.Andhe’s already a public figure, so it wouldn’t be quite as much of a shock to him.”

“Throwing other people under the bus?” Joshua peeked out from behind his arm. His eyes held the faintest glint of humour. “Not the act of a gentleman, is it? Shouldn’t you recklessly offer up your own person? You could be my boyfriend. For God and country and all that.”

You could be my boyfriend.

Leo’s chest felt abruptly tight. “It won’t be me,” he snapped, blinking away the cobwebs in his brain.

“I waskidding. Jesus.” Joshua sat up, moving away. His posture was tense, muscles coiled tightly as his gaze flickered to settle on a spot behind Leo. “I know you don’t like me, but there’s no need to?—”

“That’s not what this is about,” Leo interrupted. “It’s really not that.”

Fuck.Fuck. Why did he keep putting his foot in his mouth when Joshua was around? Ofcoursehe had been joking, blissfully ignorant to how there was no way, absolutelyno way, Leo could put himself in a position where past and present might become even more tangled. Or—worse—where people might be tempted to dig into his background.

“What, then?” Joshua sounded sceptical and hurt. “You’ve got aboyfriend already? You won’t be publicly associated with a noble? You took a vow of celibacy, and holding my hand in public would be a breach?”

Leo shook his head and took great care in smoothing the list out on his thigh. “Nothing like that. I’m simply not boyfriend material, trust me.”

“You’re not any kind ofmaterial,” Joshua said.

“You’re missing the point.”

“I’m really not.” The edge of anger to Joshua’s voice was strangely unsettling. “Youare.”

Their gazes caught and held, each second chipping away at Leo’s defences, tugging at his nerves like strings pulled to the point of tearing in two. Fucking Prince Joshua, though. He didn’t know a singlething.

Leo looked away first. It felt like defeat.

“Okay. Moving on.” He held up the piece of paper and strove for a calm, even tone. “What it really comes down to, I think, is that you have three choices.”

“Leo—”

“First off,” Leo spoke right over Joshua’s attempt at an interruption, “you can come out at your own pace. Secondly, you can stay in the closet and date guys in secret, running the risk that someone will out you and you have no control over how it happens. Thirdly…” He glanced up to find Joshua watching him intently, and it had him miss a beat. “Thirdly, you can dig yourself so deeply into the closet that there is no gay behaviour to discover. In other words, you can completely deny that part of yourself.”

Joshua’s throat moved when he swallowed. “I don’t think I can do that.” He sounded deeply unhappy, gaze skittering away. “I don’t think I want to.”

“Well, I’m glad. You shouldn’t.” Folding up the list, Leo placed it between them and waited for Joshua to meet his eyes. Only then did he continue. “All that aside… Joshua, just imagine theimpactsomeone like you could have. You told me it’s taken its toll on you, having to hide this thing. If you came out, don’t you think it might encourage some young people, show them that it’s nothing to be ashamed of? Even make iteasier for them to find acceptance when they have such a prominent patron?”

For a heart-lurching moment, Joshua held himself perfectly still. Then his chest swelled with a rough breath. “I can’t decide this on my own,” he said softly. “This affects my family as well, and I can’t make a decision without them.”

“Then maybe you should talk to them.”

“Yeah.” Joshua’s voice was quiet, almost as though he was thinking out loud. “Maybe I should.”