Page 109 of The Mismatch
‘That’s no justification for the things you do – the things you did!’ Soraya snapped. Her body shook, tears desperate to escape.
‘I–I didn’t mean to hurt you, any of you.’ He looked at his wife briefly. ‘I can’t do this anymore. What’s the point in any of it?’ He said the last part quietly, almost to himself.
All eyes turned to him.
‘Hossein what are you talking about?’ their mum said sharply.
‘I do everything wrong. No one respects me. No one even likes me. What am I doing here?’
The question was vague; Soraya wondered if he meant in England, or in existence all together. It was something she often wondered, but hearing it said aloud was chilling. Such talk belonged only in movies, felt totally unexpected coming from her emotionless dad.
Despite such apparent candour, part of her didn’t believe it, didn’t believe her dad was truly in as much despair as he made out. It seemed to her that he was trying to distract them from all the secrets that had been revealed. From all the wrong he had done. Even though his tears were real, she believed his reasons for them were quite different from what he wanted them to believe.
‘Dad, you’ve done so many bad things – you’re hardly the innocent person in all this!’ Soraya said.
‘I can’t believe we have a niece you didn’t tell us about,’ Amir said quietly to his twin.
Her head was down. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s the drugs I take. They make me so angry—’ their dad was saying.
‘No, Hossein, don’t blame everything on something else. What about the online dating, eh? Are you going to blame drugs for that too?’
Suddenly he slammed his hand against the coffee table, making them all jump, except for their mum, who perhaps expected this reaction.
‘My life is shit. I sleep all day. You all work, have fun, enjoy life. I have nothing. I went online pretending to be a normal man and talked to women so I couldfeelsomething, anything!’
‘But you never think how I feel. All you think about is yourself,’ their mum said.
‘Does this even matter right now – we’ve found out why Laleh left, and the fact you both hid the reason from us!’ Amir interjected.
‘It does matter because he’s my husband and your father,’ their mum hissed. The vehemence of her voice surprised her children. They had never seen their mum so angry, especially towards them. ‘He sleeps all the time, doesn’t work … the least he could do was not cheat on me, on us. To think, once upon a time, I believed you were a good man, Hossein.’
‘It wasn’t cheating, we didn’t meet—’
‘This isn’t the first time – I’m not stupid!’
Their dad was picking at his nails, but there was nothing left to pick, they were virtually non-existent.
‘I’m sorry, OK! I’m sorry!’ he shouted. ‘I’m a loser. My family thinks it … even my fucking doctor thinks it. I can’t do anything right.’
‘Yes, you are, Hossein. You are a loser! So stop feeling sorry for yourself and do better,’ their mum said.
He seemed shocked by these words, a look of pure hurt on his face. His wife had never been so outspoken before, so brutal.
‘Neda, how could you say that?’
‘Because it’s true. I’ve had enough.’ She crossed the room and went upstairs, leaving him sitting with his hands on his head. For the first time ever, Soraya saw her parents as they really were. They were vulnerable, and they had no idea what they were doing, winging a failing relationship. She couldalmost see them in their twenties, making bad decision after bad decision, never speaking to each other. Her dad bottling everything up, and her mum talking to her children but not her husband about their problems.
Amir went over, put his hand on his father’s shoulder, patted it gently. ‘It’s OK, Dad.’
‘It’s not OK. Everything’s a mess. I just want to sleep forever. If I could take a pill that would let me sleep forever, I would. What’s the point?’
‘Don’t say that, Dad!’ Parvin cried.
‘I want to go back to Iran, back to my sisters, I need to get away from here,’ he said. ‘I’ve wanted to go back ever since we moved to England. I’ve never liked this country.’
‘But we’re your family,’ Amir said.
