Page 101 of The Witch Queen

Ayleth presses her thumb into a place on her left hand, staring out into the distance as if gazing back through time. In this moment, she reminds me more than ever of the young woman I befriended in my menagerie.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her, surprised at how much I mean it.

She swallows. “I appreciate that. But as difficult as things were for me, I learned a valuable lesson: that I needed to stop seeking my mother’s approval. Be the personIwanted to be. Chase my own dreams. You must do the same.”

I’m not sure anyone has mentioned my own dreams—ever. I’m ashamed to realize that I have no idea what they are.

“I just want to go back,” I say at last. “Before any of this started.”

Ayleth places her hand over mine and I don’t pull away.

“Back isn’t always better,” she says. “In fact, sometimes it’s far worse.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Only you can answer that,” she replies. “But whatever you choose, it must be for yourself. Not for anyone else.”

I consider that. A large part of me wants to run as far from this place, and the trials, as possible, damn what Aunt Margaret thinks. But my attention lands on the single red rose in the bushes. The wind picks up and I swear that I can smell Mother’s perfume again. Hear her laughter beneath the brittle clacking of the branches. I’m not sure if she’s really here tonight, but I know what she would have me do. And I cannot have come this far just to disappoint her.

“I have to go back,” I say. “Have to try.”

Ayleth squeezes my hand and smiles. “I was hoping you would say that.”

And for the first time, I think she means it.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Ayleth

I remain in the garden for a long while after Blodwyn returns to the party, our conversation replaying in my mind.

I’d said too much. Showed the princess too much of my real self. It was strategy, I tell myself. I let Blodwyn close only to steer her further away from Margaret. But even I know that’s not entirely true. In listening to Blodwyn speak, hearing the pain in her voice, all I could think about was my life at Stonehaven. How it felt to be an outsider in my own home. The hours I spent wishing I could be different. Hating myself. For whatever reason, I couldn’t allow Blodwyn to feel the same.

Mistake,that voice whispers.It was a mistake.

Perhaps. But in this moment, it doesn’t feel like one.

“Spirits, here you are.”

Gravel crunches as someone else approaches—Jacquetta. I haven’t seen her since we left my chambers. Moonlight gleams silver on her dark hair and glows against her olive skin. The square-cut bodice shows off her collarbones and I scold myself for noticing.

“Don’t saySpirits.Someone might hear you.”

“Then don’t make yourself so difficult to find,” she replies, rubbing her arms against the chill. “What are you doing out here, anyway? It’s freezing.”

“I came after Blodwyn.”

Jacquetta raises an eyebrow. “To murder her?”

“Of course not,” I say, rolling my eyes. “And what are you doing? You should be inside.”

“Forgive me, Your Majesty,” she replies, bobbing a curtsy. “But I assumed you’d like to hear what I learned about ourfriend.”

“Already?” I ask, genuinely surprised.

I knew the court would be eager to gossip, but it’s barely been an hour.

She nods. “You have the duchess to thank for it. Her costume set a lot of tongues wagging. I overheard a couple of courtiers commenting that this was just likelast time.”