Page 81 of Night Songs

“Please. Just watch. I want to try something.”

She didn’t say another word, and we both stared intently at the necklace.

Slowly, the thread of metal started to move, the gold glinting as it swung back and forth over my middle in a straight line.

I exhaled, and Phoebe instinctively did the same, not knowing what had just happened.

I was having a boy.

And he would not be cursed.

I knew I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I was too wild and strange, and I would be gone before he really remembered me.

But Hess certainly was.

He belonged to her. I knew this in my bones.

When I died, I wouldn’t be leaving him or Hess behind, alone. I’d be leaving them with each other. This child would not grow up motherless as I had, but with the best mother I could imagine, the woman who had saved me time and again.

“What just happened?” Phoebe asked, dumbfounded.

“Have you heard from Hess lately?” I responded, ignoring her question.

“What?” Her name hadn’t been spoken between us in four years. “Why?”

“I just need to know. Tell me what she’s been up to.”

“Lord, you have lost your mind,” she began, but I pleaded, “Please.”

She sat down on the bed and exhaled. “She moved back home after y’all parted ways. Got sucked back into her parents’ fancy world, going to all the society parties and whatever else rich people do. Shove tennis rackets up each other’s butts, who knows.”

I laughed for the first time in weeks.

“I don’t hear from her too often. I think I remind her of you, and it hurts too much.” She bit her lip, and I knew something was coming.

“Come on. Give it to me straight. I can handle it.”

“About a month ago, I got an invitation in the mail. For her wedding. She’s getting married to this guy whose family owns all the gas stations in the state. Never met him before.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t believe she’d fallen for someone else. And amanat that. While I’d always been attracted to both sides, Hess had told me men did nothing for her.

“Does she love him?”

“Lou, I don’t know. She’s getting married to him, so that has to mean something, right? Should we be talking about this right now? There are bigger things to worry about.” She put her hand on mine and lowered her voice. “I know someone who can help you. It’s safe. Not like what you hear sometimes. He’s a real doctor.”

“Can you ask her for me?”

“Lou, come on. She’s marrying the guy tomorrow. I’m not doing that to her.”

Phoebe’s heart was in the right place. But I needed to know for myself. I wasn’t going to give her up not knowing.

I told myself I’d just ask her, and if she was happy, I’d let her go. I really would.

I’d never been to Hess’s house before. Her family didn’t exactly approve of “hillbilly music” and all the shady types that played it, and I’d never been real eager to meet them either. I can’t stand people who think they’re better than anyone else.

But good lord, their house was magnificent. It rose up like a Greek temple on this big piece of land surrounded by trees. I parked my car down the road and walked through the woods so I wouldn’t be spotted by the people moving in and out of the house. Phoebe’s invitation said the wedding would be at the First Baptist Church followed by a reception in the ballroom at the Walker Estate.

I stood there in the trees like a little dirt child, studying the house and wondering how exactly I was going to get in to see her.