Page 85 of Yours, For Now

"I get that. I wonder sometimes if I'd even be able to find a partner, busy as I am. I like all genders, and even then I feel like my dating pool is tiny. How many people would want to date someone who can only offer a few meager hours a week? That's just not right."

I nodded. "My parents had a rough few years there. Trying to raise us, trying to offer a home to Jake as well because he needed a safe place… my mom and dad both worked full time and ran a family home and a family business that needed to be pushed to grow…"

"Yeah, I'm sure they worked super hard. My family did, too. They immigrated here and hit the ground running."

"One night I came downstairs after my bed time. I wanted to sneak in and grab a toy. I don't think my parents heard me, but I froze when I realized my mom was crying." Even after all these years, my throat still closed up, and my hands went cold at the memory. "My dad hugged her and rocked her; they were on the sofa. He kept telling her they'd be okay, they'd make it. It would be just a few more years like that, building what they'd started, and then they'd get to slow down."

Lina leaned closer to me, her chin on the tip of my shoulder, paying close attention.

"When I say I hope for what my parents have, I understand it comes with sacrifices like they went through. Why would I— howcouldI achieve better? I don't fancy myself particularly special and, to be honest, I don't think I could do what they did. Do it all, and do it so well." I shook my head. "My dad wants to retire early. I want to see him enjoy our privilege, and see him and my mom enjoy it all. I want them to have freedom. To do that, I have to take over as the CEO, and do it well. Then I can have my freedom, too."

She sighed. Instead of looking at me, she rested her temple on my shoulder and looked at the water. "You're such a good son. A good person, really."

"My dad and I are planning a two-year transition. I'm doing everything I can to make it happen. I don't want to be so self-centered that I put my desires in front of this, for them. Or to ask a partner to be patient with me while I make this happen."

To ask that of Lina, as much as I wanted to.

Lina squeezed my hand. "I think that's up to your partner to decide, if that's something they can live with. But you'd have to ask first."

And it was at the tip of my tongue to ask, but that wasn't all I'd be asking of Lina. I'd also be asking her to live with a family that thought I was the reason for every success in our lives. She was a proud, driven woman, and I adored that about her… asking her to let me have the glory would make me self-serving in a whole different way.

"When I asked if I could try this again with you in two years, I meant it, Lina."

My voice had a shaky quality to it, and it sounded hoarse in my ears, but I made no effort to hide it.

"I don't know where either of us will be in two years but… if we're going to tell everyone that we think we're better off as friends, then it'll be easier to be in each other's lives. Beyond just working together. A future together could still be an option."

I pulled away from her; as she lifted her head, I grabbed her face with a hand around her cheek. Her eyes were wide open, her brown eyes dark in the vanishing light. For a moment, I simply gazed at her, at the way her unpainted eyelashes faded at the tips, at the baby hairs at the edge of her temples, and the way her lips parted. Then I kissed her, fully meaning to, and for us alone.

Her lips moved in a languid manner against mine, and her tongue echoed their unhurried rhythm. I held her head in my hands, both of them now gripping her face. My breathing was slow, never mind the rapid pace of my heart. There was nothing desperate in the way we kissed. It tasted like acceptance, imbued with resignation.

I rested my forehead on hers.

"We should see each other less, I think." Her hand fell on my chest. "So that the break up is a bit easier… a bit more subdued. No one would expect us to spend time together if we're broken up. So we might want to… taper down."

I sighed. We were ridiculous, after all.

"We'll do that. We'll start spending less time together, be a little off during the barbeque next weekend."

"I still want to go to the final game, if you guys make it."

I turned away. Orange brushes had given way to purples in the sky above the trees.

"If we make it?" I scoffed. "We're ruling this tournament. We play Rodrigo's team on Thursday, and I think we can win. Then the final is on Sunday."

"And we break up a week after that."

"Okay, then. We have a plan."

We stayed like that, sitting in silence as the sun set, her head on my shoulder. We walked back when the light around us turned blue, and made it back to the cabin right as night fell in our little corner of the mountains.

We woke up tangled up again the next morning, but we didn't do anything about it this time.

Chapter 24

DadandTíoMiguelhad left a while ago and I was mostly alone in the office. I had flicked off the ceiling light more than an hour ago; the dim glow shining from my desk lamp fit my mood much better.

I sighed and rolled the wheel on my mouse for the hundredth time. I'd reached the bottom of the page several minutes ago, but my index finger moved by inertia. I rested my head on my free hand, my elbow on my desk, and closed my eyes.