Page 86 of Yours, For Now

It had been three-and-a-half days since we came back from the Sotomayor lake house and I had last seen or heard from Gabe. He'd dropped me at my home last Sunday, no kiss on the lips, nor the corner of my lips, not even my cheek— just a soft "bye, Lina." And I'd been thinking about him non-stop ever since.

Sure, I was almost caught up with work, but I missed him. Pride helped prevent me from texting him and asking how he was doing, or proposing I stop by his place, bribe him with food, and pretend there was nothing complicated about us spending more time together.

Two things stopped me. One, it's exactly what my mother and the rest of the family would want me to do; feed my boyfriend and hope he'd want me around more. Two, doing so meant I had lost track of my goals again, and if I didn't fight for them, no one else would.

I was alone in that. Gabe couldn't help me; in fact, having him around would get in my way. We'd even discussed it openly. We were in agreement.

I didn't know what kind of choices I'd make if I were selfless like Gabe, but I doubted he'd be making mine. Willing to do anything for what I wanted, even giving up the person I'd developed feelings for. He was doing exactly the same, but for much more noble reasons.

"Cousin!"

Lucía's scream made me jump, and I straightened in my chair before she could see me slumping on my desk, daydreaming of a man.

"Yeah?" I called, just as she came into my office.

She grinned at me. "Ready to go?"

I squinted at her and did the math. It was Thursday, Gabe had mentioned the game he was playing against Rodrigo, and according to my watch, it was past 6:30.

"No," I said. "I'm not going."

I scrolled the page back up, and refreshed my inbox. The same three emails I had been ignoring waited unopened. I only cared about one of them, the one carrying the final version of the contract that had started it all.

"What? Why?" Lucía rested a hip against the edge of my desk. "It's the semi-finals. You have to go."

I pursed my lips, torn. I wanted to go, but Gabe and I had decided something different.

I frowned. "We're not… I'm not…" I bit the inside of my lips. "I'm trying to give him space."

Lucía stared at me for a long breath; her expression didn't change as she stood, pulled out the chair in front of me, and sat on it.

"Everything okay?" she asked. "Are you two fighting?"

I shook my head. "No. But I don't know if we work as a couple. I think we're better off as friends."

Her eyebrows rode high on her forehead. "You could have fooled me. I thought you two were on the fast track to a serious, long-term relationship. You looked so cozy on Saturday. Don't think you can fix it?"

"What do you mean, fix it? Fix Gabe and I?"

She nodded. "Yeah. You know, fix the problems instead of just breaking it off. Gabe is the first guy you're into in years. Why not take it a little further, and see if this could actually work?"

I leaned back on my chair and crossed my arms. I knew I shouldn't go, even if I really wanted to. I should push away the longing, and get used to the idea that we were about to end. I should put the words together, and tell my cousin that she should go alone, and that I'd just go home…

"C'mon, prima." Lucía's brow remained furrowed. "At least come to the game with me and keep me company. See him run and get all sexy and sweaty and make up your mind then, okay?"

Selfish. Could I live knowing I was being selfish? Because I wanted more time with him before we ran out of time, and maybe it was a terrible idea… but ignoring it was worse.

I missed him. Whatever we'd started hadn't been satisfied, and Saturday hadn't been enough. The next ten days let us complete the circuit and do what our bodies needed. A poor analog for what I really wanted, but as good as we could get for now.

Lucía presented the perfect excuse to find Gabe, and gave me a chance to convince him we could have a few more days to remember.

"You're a beast, Gabe!"

If I hadn't been in the middle of a simple jog, I might have tripped. As it was, my heart stopped working for a second, and I felt a little faint, upon hearing Lina's encouragement from the bleachers.

A hesitant smile appeared on my face and I gave her a quick wave, before returning to the game.

Lina had come to see me play ball, like she'd known I had wanted her to. I had almost texted her a hundred times during the week, and I spent every spare moment coming up with excuses to reach out, but I shut myself down each time. Having my soon-to-be-ex-fake-girlfriend here filled me with stormy feelings, and suddenly the ball and the game mattered a lot less.