Page 12 of A Hal for my Heart

“It came into effect when I was sixteen. It is also the reason why I love babysitting the twins so much. They are the only ones I can touch without fear.” Shame coursed through me at my admission. How pathetic was that, searching for scraps of closeness where I could get it?

“Briar,” he whispered, sounding so gutted it hurt. I didn’t like making Hal sad. He’d had enough sadness in his life. “That’s... I’m so sorry. Truly.”

“I’m used to it,” I lied, faking a smile. “After all, I’ve never once felt what it’s like having an alpha help me out. Can’t know what you’re missing and all that.” I wiped my eyes as I continued to smile, despite breaking inside. The truth was that, for the first time since I started having heats, I felt true despair. Because I knew it would be Hal’s face I’d see before my eyes when I fucked myself, and it would be his name on my lips when I came.

“But you’re killing yourself, Briar,” he whispered. Was I just imagining it, or were his eyes glassy?

I shrugged. “I know. But I’d rather die than become a murderer.”

His jaw tightened, anger building in his eyes once again. “I don’t like the thought of you in pain, Briar, or of you dying because of this curse.” He tugged at his hair as he seemed to contemplate something. “Surely it can be broken, right?”

I shook my head. “I’m certain my father would’ve broken it for me if it were possible. He was an only child himself, so I have no idea when my family was last affected.”

Hal nodded, looking like he wanted to hug me and murder someone. It was confusing, but it made me happy. It was obvious he cared for me, like I cared for him. In another life, we could’ve been—I didn’t dare finish that thought.

“When is your next heat?” he asked.

I frowned, trying to remember my last one. “My heats aren’t regular because I spend them alone, so it could happen anywhere from a few hours to months for all I know.”

His jaw clenched. “And what do you use to help ease the pain?” His voice was surprisingly calm, unaware of the storm he was creating inside me.

Was he seriously asking what I used to fuck myself with?!

“What?!” I shrieked.

Chapter Six

Hal

Briar stared at me, mortified, and I realized I’d overstepped. His mouth hung open comically, like he wasn’t sure he’d heard me correctly.

“I mean…” I mumbled, scratching my neck, as images of Briar fucking himself with a wooden rod clouded my mind. Heat rose inside me, licking at my skin, and the need to hold him, to touch him, tugged at me. I couldn’t. Briar was cursed. Of course, I’d heard of curses, but I wasn’t sure I truly believed in them. It didn’t matter what I believed, though, because I’d seen the fear and sadness in Briar’s eyes when he’d told me. It was real to him. He believed in the curse, and he lived with it every day as an unwanted companion.

I held up my hands disarmingly. “Sorry… that’s none of my business. You don’t have to…” Gods, the more I tried not to think of it, the more images of a naked, panting Briar deep in the throes of his heat invaded my mind.

“I can’t talk to you about this!” Briar scowled at me, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His bottom lip trembled, his green eyes vibrating with a mix of embarrassment and what looked like longing. “It’s… It’s private!”

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. I just…” Anger rose inside me again. It wasn’t fair. How come someone as sweet and lovely as Briar was doomed to spend all his heats alone out of fear of hurting someone? Why him? Why had he been cursed, and by whom? I had so many questions, but the one that rose above all the others was what could I do? I wanted to help Briar. I wanted to… save him. He deserved that. “But surely the curse can be broken?” I tried to keep the anger and frustration out of my voice because I’d noticed how he’d recoiled earlier when I’d accidentally raised my voice.

Briar’s gaze softened, his voice resigned when he spoke. “I’ve accepted my fate, Hal. I’ve stopped asking myself why. I’ve come to terms with it, and so should you.” He bit into his lip, his shoulders slumped, and my body ached to pull him into my arms, hug him, and shelter him from any kind of harm. “It’s okay,” he whispered.

Okay? Okay? The hell it was.

“Briar,” I murmured, but he just shook his head, golden locks tumbling into his lovely face, hiding his eyes.

“I have to go.” He avoided my gaze as he hurried past me, his arms still wrapped around himself. I turned, watching him until he disappeared inside the palace. When the doors closed behind him, it felt like I’d lost something, which was strange. Briar wasn’t mine. He could never be mine. Even if he wanted someone like me, it wasn’t possible.

‘I’ve accepted my fate, Hal.’

Well, maybe Briar had, but that didn’t mean I’d have to as well. All my life, I’d been told there were things I couldn’t do, wasn’t allowed to have, because I was an alpha. My fate had been determined long before I was even born, or at least so I’d thought. I had believed a lie, but now I was free. I wanted Briar free, too. Not necessarily so he could choose me, but so he could have a choice of whichever kind of life he wanted. A mate, perhaps. A family, children.

Determination rose inside me. I was going to break the curse, whatever it took. If it meant risking my own life, so be it, because what was my life worth if I couldn’t use it to help Briar? What good was freedom if everyone wasn’t free?

Hurrying inside, I strode down the long hallway toward Seb’s office. Reaching his door, I found it slightly ajar, lofty giggling spilling through, followed by Gus’ deep chuckle. My chest squeezed. I was so happy for my best friend. He deserved every bit of joy and love he’d found. Still, I was envious because I wanted it to be Briar giggling like that, uninhibited and happy. I wanted it to be me who had that effect on him.

I knocked carefully, and their voices died down.

“Come in!” Seb called out, then smiled as I entered. “Hal.” He beckoned to me as Gus walked toward me, adjusting himself. Gods, these two were incorrigible. After Seb’s next heat, they were going to have a new baby or two on their hands, that much was clear.