Page 11 of A Hal for my Heart

“I was,”—he winced, rubbing the back of his neck in a shy gesture—“hiding.” He blushed even harder, his cheeks almost crimson, and I longed to touch his skin and feel its warmth beneath my fingertips. Focus, Briar. Focus.

“Hiding? From whom?” It didn’t make sense that a big, strong alpha like Hal would need to hide from anyone.

He groaned. “From that damn servant, Nial.”

“Nial?” Out of all the scenarios I’d been expecting, this wasn’t any of them. “Did he do something to you?”

“No,” he sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Just couldn’t seem to take no for an answer. I figured hiding away would be my only option.”

“What did he want?” I swallowed, pretty sure I already knew the answer.

Hal looked at me wide-eyed, then licked his lips carefully. “He… uhm… I guess he wanted to… you know…” He gestured awkwardly with his hands. “He was making advances.”

“I see.” I wanted to jump for joy. Nial had thrown himself at Hal, but Hal had rejected him! How wonderful was that?

Schooling my features, I asked, “But why didn’t you hide in your room?”

“He has a damn key, and I wouldn’t put it past him to use it,” he growled, picking hay out of his clothes. Instinctively, I stepped forward, about to help him, until I froze mid-movement, realizing what I’d been about to do. I flew back, my head hitting one of the walls as a dull ache formed in my skull. Luckily, I hadn’t hit it hard enough to cause concern, but Hal still hurried forward, stopping himself before he reached for me. Panic flashed in his eyes, and he seemed just as torn as I was. He wanted to touch me, that much was clear, and the thought should’ve made me happy, but it only did the opposite. Hal needed touch. Something I would never be able to give him.

Hal walked back to the palace with me. I steered us in the direction that would take the longest, telling Hal that it was the most scenic route to take, which was also the truth. We passed my favorite flowers—gardenias again—but my favorite ones were the pink bushes. Seb once told me that the palace had an omega gardener who’d played around with the seeds and cuts, making hybrids of the usually white flower. Many of his creations hadn’t survived, but this one flourished. I wished I’d met the omega, but he’d passed before my birth. I sometimes thanked him when I smelled them because they always made my day better.

Hal was the one to break the silence as I stopped by the pink flowers, enjoying their beauty. “How did you know where to find me?”

I smiled. “Adrian told me he needed my help. I had no idea it was because a certain alpha was playing hide-and-seek.”

Hal attempted a glare, but his eyes soon gleamed with amusement before a wide grin took over his face. “Guilty. I’ve never experienced getting hunted down like that before.” He shuddered. “Hopefully it won’t happen again when Nial’s next heat hits.”

“I don’t like the thought of you having to hide every time Nial goes into heat.” Hal was the consort’s best friend. He shouldn’t have to hide from a needy servant.

Hal gave me a sly grin. “Then I might just need to use firmer words with him, or tell our king to save me.”

I laughed at that. “Seb wouldn’t hesitate to come to your rescue.” I remembered how firm Seb was about consent and how he’d always respected both omegas’ and alphas’ wishes, even before we learned alphas weren’t dangerous.

“I don’t doubt that,” he smiled. “This might be too personal a question… But how do you deal with your heats? I can’t imagine you running around like Nial trying to find an alpha each time. Do you have one you trust for your heats?” I could tell Hal wasn’t comfortable talking about this; his teeth were grinding so hard his jawline became even sharper. But he’d asked, and I think he deserved an answer.

“I spend my heats alone,” I admitted, trying to sound unaffected. It was a sensitive topic for me, mostly because they were always so painful and unpredictable. I never knew when to expect them.

Hal looked at me in disbelief, anger evident in his voice. “I know you don’t like people touching you, but you could die from that, Briar!” His voice shook, his chest heaving.

I winced at his loud voice, regretting that I’d told him. “I know that,” I whispered, staring at the gravel underneath my boots.

“Then why do you spend them alone?” he snapped. I had no idea why he was so angry with me, but from years of being yelled at by my father, I knew what to say. The words just flew out of their own accord.

“I’m sorry, Father. I will do better, I promise.”

I was shaking, curling in on myself, as my memories pulled me back to my childhood when I’d played with the alphas, and Father had found me. I wanted to make myself as small as possible and hide. No, I didn’t just want to hide, I wanted to disappear altogether. Useless. Useless. Useless. The word echoed through my head.

Hal’s voice tore through my thoughts. “Briar…” There was no anger, no accusation, just sadness.

I looked up, remembering where I was. Heat flooded my cheeks as tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t bear keeping my secret any longer, not when I’d already messed up and showed Hal a side of me I thought was buried for good. Father was gone, but his words had stayed with me. My body still responded to yelling. Hal deserved to know why I was so broken.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wiping my cheeks. We were hidden from view, and no one was around. This was it, the perfect time to tell him about my curse. “I don’t hate touch,” I began, trembling. “I’m cursed, Hal.”

He blinked, tilting his head, like this was the last thing he’d expected. “I… I don’t understand, Briar. What do you mean by cursed?”

I took a steadying breath, remembering what my father had told me just before I turned sixteen. “My family is cursed. It doesn’t hit everyone, but each time there is a second-born, it does. I can’t touch adult alphas without killing them. My father instilled in me the importance of avoiding all touch. If no one touches me, then I won’t accidentally touch an alpha and kill them.” There. It was out there. Hal knew. How broken I was, how useless.

Hal blinked. Then blinked some more.