Page 100 of Cleopatra

I smoothed a curl from Caesarion’s forehead and made the decision to deny Ptolemy’s prophecy. To accept it was to despair and that would only frighten Caesarion. “I miss your father, that is all.”

And I would never stop missing him.

Skip Notes

* Fulvia’s ambition was great enough to capture Plutarch’s attention—one of the few women who did—for it was he who said of her intentions that she “wished to rule a ruler and command a commander.” Though I imagine that, like me, she simply wished to rule, and command. We have never needed men.

Chapter Nineteen

44 BCE

An Interlude

The Ides of March

I was not there, so I cannot tell you how he died. Let your historians speak on how my heart was torn from my body that day.

“He was slain by his enemies…either from jealousy of his fortune and power, now grown to enormous proportions, or, as they themselves alleged, from a desire to restore the republic of their fathers; for they feared (and in this they knew their man) that if he should conquer these nations also he would indeed be indisputably king.”—Appian

“It had been decided by them to make the attempt in the senate, for they thought that there Caesar would least expect to be harmed in any way and would thus fall an easier victim, while they would find a safe opportunity by having swords instead of documents brought into the chamber in boxes, and the rest, being unarmed, would not be able to offer any resistance.”—Dio

“As he took his seat, the conspirators gathered about him as if to pay their respects, and straight away Tillius Cimber, who had assumed the lead, came nearer as though to ask something; and when Caesar with a gesture put him off to another time, Cimber caught his toga by both shoulders; then as Caesar cried, “Why, this is violence!” one of the Cascas stabbed him from one side just below the throat. Caesar caught Casca’s arm and ran it through with his stylus, but as he tried to leap to his feet, he was stopped by another wound.” —Suetonius

“So the affair began, and those who were not privy to the plot were filled with consternation and horror at what was going on; they dared not fly, nor go to Caesar’s help, nay, nor even utter a word. But those who had prepared themselves for the murder bared each of them his dagger, and Caesar, hemmed in on all sides, whichever way he turned confronting blows of weapons aimed at his face and eyes, driven hither and thither like a wild beast, was entangled in the hands of all; for all had to take part in the sacrifice and taste of the slaughter.” —Plutarch

“The body of Caesar lay just where it fell, ignominiously stained with blood—a man who had advanced westward as far as Britain and the ocean, and who had intended to advance eastward against the realms of the Parthians and Indians, so that, with them also subdued, an empire of all land and sea might be brought under the power of a single head. There he lay, no one daring to remain to remove the body.” —Nicolaus

“Fatale monstrum.” [“The fatal monster” or “This monster sent by fate”—I mind not either, both blades draw blood.]

—Horace, Odes

“Cleopatra…the disgrace of Egypt, the fatal Erinnys of Latium, unchaste, to the undoing of Rome.”

—Lucan, Pharsalia

“Who does not know of the custom of the Egyptians? Their minds are infected with depraved delusions.”

—Cicero, On the Nature of the Gods[*]

Skip Notes

* Remember my brief dalliance with Cicero at Caesar’s banquet? He had much to say of me and my country in the years to come. Is it any wonder I was made out to be the Hydra of history, when they saw my customs from such a height? Egyptians were the soil underfoot: sinful and uncouth. So, I became the dirt beneath their nails. No matter how much they sought to be rid of me, I sullied the great Roman men.

Chapter Twenty

44 BCE

aesar once told me he had faced death so many times that it had become a friend to him.

“When she comes for me, I will know her face and kiss her lips like a lover.”

The Death of whom he spoke was the only woman whose tryst with Caesar could ever elicit my jealousy. For she would have him forever, when I would have him for just a few short years.

“The first time I met Death, I was twenty-five years old,” he said. He had been captured by a band of pirates near Pharmacusa.

“I was journeying to Rhodes to study oratory at the feet of Apollonius Molo when they ransacked my ship. They held a blade to my throat and I felt the fingers of Death tighten around my soul.”

“Were you scared?” I asked.