Page 13 of Cade

“Yeah, let’s do that because you’ve left me with more questions than I had before this conversation.” Anders nods, and we both walk out to our trucks and leave for the day. I’m not sure what possesses me, but before I take off, I pull out my phone and send a message to Hanna.

Me: I know I’m not great with words, but I wanted to thank you for coming to see me play, but more importantly, I want to thank you for all the cooking and stuff you did for me. I may not say it, but that definitely didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated.

I don’t wait for a reply but feel more settled after sending it. Rugby might be my focus, but Hanna’s quickly becoming someone I can’t keep off my mind, and to be honest, I like having her there.

On that note, it’s time to go deal with some stinky, sweaty teenagers who still think every at-bat needs to be a home run. Junior varsity practice is always a reminder of how dumb we males are at fourteen and fifteen. Fuck, are we much smarter as adults? Maybe, as long as we’re thinking with our brains that are three feet above our asses.

CHAPTER FIVE

There are times when you will be surprised at how fast a woman can make a big, life-altering decision. Then there are times when she takes hours to decide where she wants to go to eat. That’s one of the mysteries of women that is unsolvable. Just learn to roll with it.

~Text from Mike to Cade~

Cade

This road trip has dragged on. One match on Friday in Butte and tomorrow, Sunday, in Boise. Thankfully, our owner granted us a flight back so we’ll be home tomorrow night. With the closer matches, we usually have to go on the bus, but it broke down as soon as we pulled into Boise. Rumor has it, Mr. Wrigley is shopping around for a new owner. I’m not shocked because he’s older than dirt and his only son went to prison for tax evasion a few years ago, so it’s not like he’s got someone he’s gonna pass the team down to.

Mr. Wrigley is one of the original owners, and he helped found the league. When I came to his office to look over his offer and sign with the Axemen, he looked me in the eye and told me that the owner of the team in New York was a disgrace to the rest of them. He talked about the love of the sport and that somehow, in the midst of trying to make the league profitable, some owners had lost the original purpose of the league. I remember watchingMister Wrigley lean back in his chair and look at me as he said something that cemented my decision to come to the team. He looked at me with a look that can only come with wisdom and age. “Son, what some of the owners and even some of the players in this league have failed to remember is twofold. The first is that this is a game. We’re grown men who are privileged enough to get to play a sportandget paid for it. Secondly, we’re only able to do that because of the fans who fill those seats. We partake in practices that are illegal or immoral, and those seats become empty. They stay empty, and we don’t get to play. We’re not scientists, doctors, or farmers, and supply nothing that’s needed to survive. We are beholden to the whims and the free time of the fans. If we keep that in the forefront of our minds, then our fans will show their appreciation by continuing to show up. What we do isn’t complicated. It’s simple. It only becomes complicated when greed enters the conversation.” When he told me that my contract would allow me to join the national team if they selected me, without me even asking, he shook his head and said, “Son, I will always support any of my players who get asked to join the national team.” American rugby needs all the help it can get on the world stage. If that means me giving up a player here and there, then so be it. It all grows the sport, and frankly, that’s the whole fucking point. I didn’t even take a day to decide. Mr. Wrigley's simple words reminded me why I loved this sport and this community.

Back to this road trip. We got our asses handed to us in Butte. It was a rout, and I think it shocked us all. Freaking Butte bringing in a few players who just left the national team. We hadn’t even had time to watch a tape of them. Fuckers better believe we’ll be ready for the next match.

We got to the hotel here about an hour ago, and Zane, Carter, and I just got down to the lobby to go find some dinner. Anders waves us down and invites us to join him for dinner. “There’s a decent steakhouse just around the corner. They’re reasonable and make some good food.”

I nod and follow the guys, but my phone vibrates in my pocket, so I take it out to check it as we make the quick walk to dinner. I can’t help the smile that comes over my face when I see it’s Hanna who texted me.

Hanna: Pops says he’s got things figured out and I’ll be able to watch your match tomorrow at home! I’m excited because he’s gonna put it on the big screen so I can see your face life-size! Also, Emma just mentioned your parents are coming out for the next homestand-wait, Pops called it that but I don’t even know if that’s what you call a number of home games in a row in rugby-is it? Pops says it is in baseball and basketball so he just guessed it was. Back to your parents-I know you’ve missed them, so that’s great!

Me: You’re still coming down. I didn’t forget that they’re coming. I want you to meet them. I know you just took a deep breath and are slightly freaking out. Don’t. I mean, I’ve technically met your family, especially your brothers. My parents only come out a couple of times a year, and I want them to meet you. I want them to know who puts a smile on my face every day.

Hanna: Well, when you put it that way, it doesn’t sound as nerve-racking. Also, Mom said when you come pick me up next time that you should come inside so she can feed you. I wouldn’t argue with her. Mom’s kind of a force that’s not to be reckoned with.

I let out a chuckle, and Zane bumps my elbow. “You talkin’ to Hanna?” I nod and show him her last text, and he gets a look on his face before speaking.

“Dude. I’ve known her parents most of my life, and she’s right. There are only three women on this planet who I've ever been scared of, and her mom is one of them. Anna’s the kind of person you want in your corner. If you’re in her circle, then she will go all mama bear on you and feed you forever and take care of you. It also means she won’t hesitate to smack you if you’re outta line. I’ve managed for the last ten years to avoid it, but it happenedseveral times growing up. It also means if she accepts you, then Hanna’s dads will too.” I nod because that was honestly a concern of mine. I know she’s their little girl and that she’s got some unique challenges ahead of her and that they’re a bit protective of her. I also know she’s a lot more like her mom than she knows. She’s stronger than anyone I’ve met before.

Carter, who’s known me since high school, speaks up as soon as we’re shown a table and sitting down. He looks at me. “I haven’t seen you serious about a girl in a long time, and never one as fast as her. Is she really that special to you?” I nod and try to find the right words.

“I’m not sure how to put it into words…but my dad always said he knew my mom was the one for him in a few different ways, but one of the biggest was that he didn’t want space from her. He and I are a lot alike in some ways. With all my ex-girlfriends, the longest I could handle being with them twenty-four seven was maybe two to three days. By the end of that time, I was ready to come back to my place alone and just be alone. I dated Jules for almost two years and never once thought I was ready to take the step of moving in together. Now part of that was because we were both really young, but part was because I couldn’t imagine giving up my private space. Hanna came down for a few days before our last home match. We had a great time, just hanging out. I still went to practice, and she did her work while I wasgone. The whole time she was at my place, I didn’t once wish I had time for myself. When it came time for her to head home? I didn’t want her to leave.”

Zane and Carter both look at me like I’m nuts, but Anders looks at me like he knows what I’m talking about.

The waiter comes up, takes our order, and as soon as he’s gone, Anders speaks up. “Your dad’s a wise man. It goes back to what I told you the other day.” Zane and Carter look lost, so Anders fills them in a bit. “I told Cade here to remember that rugby’s not everything and not to forget there’s more to life.” He takes a sip of his water before continuing on. “I know you three know my professional history, but I bet not one knows my personal history, do you?” I shake my head at the same time the other two do.

“You all know Exeter and Bristol recruited me in college, and I ended up signing with Exeter. I was home for Christmas, my second year with Exeter, when I met someone. Aimee wasn’t like any girl I’d met before. First, she knew nothing about rugby and didn’t know who I was. But beyond that, she was just fun. We would laugh, have fun, and the physical side was off the charts from the start. She was like you said, Evanich, someone I didn’t get tired of. Fast forward a little over a year later, and my contract was up. I had decided to move and sign with Sydney. The day before I signed with Sydney, I proposed, and Aimee saidyes. We got married a few months later, and she followed me to Australia for the first couple of seasons. I think we had been married for almost two years when my son was born. We quickly had a daughter and another son after that. I was there when I could be in the off-season, I did the dad things that I thought I was supposed to do, but I lived and breathed rugby. In the off-season, I still prioritized my workouts and appearances over everything, leaving at least ninety-five percent of the parenting to Aimee. In my head, I figured I needed to focus on rugby and that after I retired, I would be a dad one hundred percent.” Somewhere while Anders talked, the waiter brought our drinks.

Carter asked the question that was on the tip of my tongue. “So what happened, man? I’ve been on this team for three years with you and never heard you mention or seen kids around.”

The waiter brings our food to our table, and as soon as we start to eat, Anders answers Carter. “I did what I told Cade not to do. I made rugby my whole world. Sure, I thought I was being a dad and husband too, but I was rarely home, and when I was, being a husband, a partner…well, that was behind even the little I was a dad. Aimee asked me to be more, to spend more time with her and the kids. I would say I would, but then just buy them thoughtless gifts. I even brought in a nanny to help, but that’s not what she needed or wanted. She wanted the guy she fell inlove with, the man she married. Before I knew it, our oldest was ten, and I was struggling to keep myself on the team.”

Anders takes a couple of bites of food before he continues, knowing all three of us are nosey asses at this point and want to know what happened. He takes a sip of water and continues where he left off. “By that point, Aimee and the kids had moved back to the States near our families. They moved back when Ryan, my oldest, was seven. Aimee said she missed home, and that she had more help there with all the grandparents being so close. I didn’t fight her because in my mind I was going to retire in the States, and this left me to focus on rugby, assuming my family would still be there waiting for me. When I got cut from the team and was informed my contract would not be extended, I came home. Only by that time, it wasn’t a home I recognized. Aimee and the kids had this whole life that I wasn’t a part of. I didn’t have direction, and when I tried to step in and be a dad, I realized that my normal routine of swooping in and being the fun dad wasn’t going to cut it for anything long-term. I attempted to take Aimee out for our anniversary, but she told me I was four months late, and if I couldn’t tell her which anniversary it was, then what was the point? I was bullheaded and went to my parents, thinking that they would be on my side. My dad, God rest his soul, looked at me and told me I needed to live with the consequences of never putting my family first.”

Zane chimes in for the first time in a while. “So I’m guessing you didn’t get your head out of your ass, or it was too late.” Anders takes the last bite of his steak and nods before he continues his story.

“I think at that time I thought I tried to change and be the dad and husband they needed and wanted, but looking back, I still wasn’t one hundred percent in. I was trying to be there for sure, but when I was supposed to be watching my kids play on the playground or my eldest’s baseball game, I was on my phone trying to secure a contract somewhere. It all came to a head one day at the park, when Aimee took our youngest to the bathroom. I was supposed to watch Ryan and Kaylee while she was gone for a few minutes. I got a call and was on the phone, so I didn’t notice that Kaylee took off, chasing after a puppy or something. Aimee came back a few minutes later and realized Kaylee was missing. We searched and couldn’t find her. The cops were called, and an hour and a half later she was found. Not far away, but she’d tripped and hurt her ankle so she couldn’t walk back to us. That night at home, Aimee looked at me like I was a stranger and told me she couldn’t keep doing this. She told me they had learned to live without me, and me coming back occasionally, being only partially involved, was hurting her and the kids more than anything. I remember asking her what she wanted. What she told me…it broke me and brought everything I did or hadn’t done to light. Aimee looked at me with unshed tears and told methat what she wanted and what she needed were two different things. She wanted the man she married. The one she’d laughed with, the one she’d planned this family with and planned to grow old with. I tried to tell her I was still that same guy, but she shook her head and told me that guy had disappeared long ago. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t argue with her because, fuck if she wasn’t right. So I asked her the question that scared me more than I realized. I asked her what she needed. She looked at me with a sadness I knew I had caused. She told me she needed a divorce. She needed a home that our kids would know would be the same every day. That they would see me when I could be there for them, but that she couldn’t go on anymore. That exact moment I was notified that I’d been offered a contract with Pendleton. Instead of fighting for my marriage and my family and doing whatever it took to repair things, I took off, still making rugby my world. My divorce was finalized six months after Aimee told me that’s what she needed. I went back home for the holidays the following year. When I went over to see my kids, my oldest, Ryan, told me they were doing fine without me, and maybe next year I should just stay gone.”

Oh shit. I can’t imagine ever saying something like that to my dad. I don’t have kids, but I imagine that would be heartbreaking. I had to ask, though. “That was a few years back. I mean, you’ve been on the Axemen for what, four or five seasons now?”

Anders nods. “This is my fifth season. Ryan’s now nineteen and a freshman at Northwestern. He speaks to me if I call or text him, but he doesn’t reach out. Kaylee’s in high school and will also answer if I call or text, but never reaches out. Last time we talked, she told me her stepdad took her to the father-daughter dance and that it didn’t even seem weird that I wasn’t there since I had never made it to one before. Her grandpas had always taken her. My youngest, Dylan, still calls and has come out to visit with my parents but says that I’m more like the fun uncle than his dad. Aimee remarried a couple of years ago. The guy is a good guy, and she and I can talk friendly now, but…” I can see the years of regret and broken love in his eyes. The next thing he says is what puts everything into perspective.