Page 136 of Chasing Hope

Because I understand now. I understand itall.

Why she didn’t want to tell me, why she was afraid.

I genuinely want to murder the man who hurt her.

I’ve never wanted to hurt someone before but picturing Evie, my little Dove, as someone forced their touch on her? Thinking back to all those nights I found her crying because someone had hurt her…I’d kill for her.

I see the fear in her gaze and hate it all the same because she does have a reason to be afraid. Even I’m afraid of what I’ll do.

Because Evie…my Dove…how could someone do that to her?

Rising on wobbly legs, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, my heart shattering into a million pieces at her feet, and I know I’ll never be able to restore it.

“Who?” I ask, my voice betraying me and showing just how much pain I feel.

Evie shakes her head. “No.”

“Who, Evie? Who did it?”

She just keeps shaking her head.

“Was I there?” The question is broken, and by the way her tears fall faster, I have my answer, but I need to hear it. My vision blurs as I gasp out, “Was I down the hall sleeping peacefully while you were suffering?”

She smashes her lips together as I continue to beg. “Tell me, please. Was I down the hall? While you were being…”

Her voice cracks as she whispers the single word that is my undoing. “Yes.”

I begin sobbing, my heart—mysoul—breaking before her very eyes.

And instead of me comforting Evie, my knees give out and she rushes for me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. The moment she touches me, whatever control I had left crumbles.

I cradle her to me, not able to stop my sobs even if I tried.

I should be consoling her, should be thanking her for trusting me with something she’s kept so close to her heart, and I will. I will be able to convey all of that to her, but for now, as the truth of this rocks me to my core, all I can manage to do is cry.

Because this has just altered everything I thought I knew.

Burrowing my face into the crook of her neck, I whisper over and over like a broken record, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Shh…” She tries to comfort me, but I can’t be consoled, not about this. Nothing will ever soothe this ache.

I will never forgive myself.

The anger will come. I can feel it bubbling underneath the surface with a vengeance, but I’m drowning in sadness and guilt, drowning because my sanctuary, my haven growing up, was her hell.

And I never knew.

I was down the hall…and I never knew.

I was sleeping peacefully one door down while she was burning in hell.

Chapter 40

Evie—Age Five

The clock blinks 2:13 a.m. when my bedroom door slowly opens and the monster appears. His eyes are as dark as coals.

I wish the monster would forget about me. But he never does.