Page 85 of Shut Up and Drive
“Hi,” he says in his cracky, morning voice.
“Hi yourself,” I reply quietly, snuggling back into position. “I’m pretty sure my neck has stiffened into this position permanently.”
A happy hum reverberates from his chest and he kisses the top of my head. I decide right there that this is my new home and I’m moving in immediately.
“Thane and Sera!” Mrs. Donnelly yells from the kitchen below us. “Breakfast is getting cold!”
I stir again and he holds me tighter. “Just a few more minutes,” he begs.
“Aren’t you hungry?” I ask, and as if on cue his stomach growls. “See? Even your body knows it’s time to get up.”
“Don’t listen to it. All it ever wants is food,” Thane says, covering my ears.
I laugh. “What about your bladder? Don’t you have to pee?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. But no one has ever died from an exploding bladder. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
I playfully smack his arm and pry myself from him, immediately feeling cold where our bodies used to touch. I roll my neck to release some tension and stretch my arms above my head.
“Well, peeing my pants in front of you is not on my list of things to do to reconnect,” I say with a laugh, and stand up.
He raises an eyebrow and smiles, tucking one hand underneath his head. It’s a glowing invitation to ignore my own full bladder and crawl right back next to him, and I almost give in.
“I’m intrigued, Pidge. Whatison that list?”
I walk toward the bathroom and peek back through the door just before I close it.
“Skipping rocks,” I reply, and the smile he gives me in response tells me we are on the same page.
When we wander downstairs to breakfast, every pair of eyes turns to us like a dozen tiny spotlights. I fight my ever-increasing urge to smile.
“What?” I ask, knowing full well what their stares mean.
“Oh, nothing,” my mom says nonchalantly, then grins at me. “How’d you sleep?”
I sigh and look over at Thane for backup. He’s grinning like a fool, so I know he’ll be no help.
“All right, just get it out now,” I say, throwing my arms up in surrender.
Our moms respond with matching squeals, and my dad peeks over the corner of his newspaper. The corner of hismouth twitches upward before he hides back behind the business section. Mr. Donnelly stumbles in from the back patio making dinosaur noises with one toddler hanging off his back and one clinging to his leg. He stops, trying to read the room before asking, “What’d I miss?”
“Everything!” Vivian answers.
I feel a rush of heat climb my neck and settle in my cheeks. Thane’s pinky finger brushes mine, and I smile before lacing into his.
Hank’s focus goes from his wife to our hands and he smiles. “Oh!” he exclaims, peeling toddlers from his body. “Looks like your little plan worked.”
“I knew it!” I laugh, pointing an accusing finger at our mothers.
“Well, somebody had to do something to get this ball rolling again,” Vivian says, hugging my mom, and they both laugh.
I shake my head and grab a plate.
I didn’t originally have “being pressedup against a tree in the woods while Thane kisses the ever-loving crap out of me” on my vacation bingo card, but I am here. for. it! The truth is, it hasn’t been easy to reprogram my default setting to be open-hearted. I find myself resisting his kind gestures, and I have to remind myself that it’s okay to open old wounds if it means that they’ll finally heal properly. The only way I can truly let Thane in is byjumping in—even if I can’t go headfirst. So I go slowly and dip in my toes.
The kissing definitely helps.
At the beginning of all this, I thought re-doing some of our old traditions and memories together would hurt too much. But the truth is, I get to replace them with new memories attached to hope, and not despair. Confronting that pain is difficult, but it’s the best thing I’ve done to heal. It’s theonlyway I’ll completely heal. It’s messy and it hurts around the edges, but clearing out the painful memories is exactly what both of us need. The more I open up to that scary unknown, the more I can see how good it is for my heart. And I’m grateful I’m finally at this point.
