Page 84 of Shut Up and Drive

“I plead the fifth on that one,” Lucia replies with a mischievous grin before walking back toward the stairs. “Now you two get to the making-up part, will ya?”

As she disappears from view, I breathe a sigh of relief. I take a minute to let the crushing weight from that misunderstanding slowly fall away from my shoulders. My eyes sting, and I blink back the tears forming. This whole time they’ve wanted me to be a part of their family.Despitewhat they thought I’d done. All that’s left now is to figureout how Sera feels.

The gentle touch of her hand lands on my face, and I lift my eyes to hers. She reaches up to stroke the scar on my forehead and studies it intently.

“I don’t know how I never noticed it before. They said this scar was most likely from hitting the rearview mirror. But if you were in the driver’s seat, it would’ve been on your right side, not your left.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I missed it all these years. The evidence was there this whole time.”

“Well, don’t feel too bad about missing it. The cops didn’t catch on either. And neither did Bash.” I grip her free hand. “Please, Sera, don’t tell him.”

“You don’t think he has the right to know?”

“I don’t think it will do any good at this point. If he learns the truth, he’ll doubt his place in the Secret Service. He’ll feel like he lied to get where he is. Which he didn’t.I did. And that’s my burden to carry.”

Her eyes burrow into mine, and for a split second I worry that telling her was a bad idea. But after she lets out a big sigh, she agrees. “Fine. I’ll respect your choice to keep your secret, but I think the only way you’ll completely heal is if you tell him.”

I nod. I know she’s right, but how can I even begin to tell the truth to Bash? I’m afraid it will destroy him.

She sits quietly and analyzes me before breaking her silence. “So, I know the truth about why you left. But I still don’t know why you finally decided to come home.”

I take a big, deep breath in before answering.

“I saw a photo of you and Brad on your Instagram, and I knew if I didn’t want to live with regret forever, that I needed to come back and lay all my cards on the table.”

A small smile tugs at her lips. “You say that your social media feed isn’t all that meets the eye. The same is true for me, too. In the spirit of keeping Rule Number One, I dated to fill a hole you left. But no one ever could. Eventually, when my heart stopped hurting, I decided I’d never let myself feel that deeply for someone again. I picked men I knew I could never fully give my heart to. Men who were fun, but not someone I could see far into the future with. Someone I cared about, but didn’t emotionally invest in. So when each of them left, it was barely a blip in my life. I didn’t even cry most of the time. I just dusted myself off and kept moving forward. But the thing is, I wasn’t truly happy either. I was just going through the motions, living a life with a numb heart.”

I wrap my arms around her and pull her against my chest. Instead of resisting, she melts into me. I stroke her hair, and before I lose my nerve, I blurt out:

“I should’ve stayed, Sera. Faced the music, been a man. But I was terrified. I wanted you more than anything else in the world, and I felt so unworthy to be loved by you. I know we were still just kids, but I dreamt of the day I could give you my grandmother’s ring. I didn’t want adventures alone; I wanted babies with your eyes. I wanted to make out with you in front of our teenagers until they gagged in disgust. I wanted to have coffee with you every morning and whisper with you on our pillows every night. I wanted to make you smile and laugh so much that I was the reason you got those little crinkly lines by your eyes. To hold your hand until you couldn’t see and I couldn’t hear. And even in death, I wanted to be put to rest right beside you.”

My breaths labor from the desperation my wordsunearth, and I don’t dare glance down at her. I am exposed, vulnerable, and emotionally naked. But when a sob escapes her, I lean her away from my chest.

She swipes at tears streaming down her face, and I panic. I came into this conversation so unprepared. I shove my hands down into the couch cushions and feel around for something,anythingto give her. I find a quarter, a rock, and a Cheeto with lint on it; but then, jackpot! I find a napkin cast aside from lunchtime, and hand it to her.

“Sorry, that’s the best I can do, tissue-wise,” I say.

She shakes her head at the ridiculousness of my offering, but takes it anyway.

“Thank you,” she says softly, wiping her tears.

“Now, the question remains,” I say with hesitation, unsure I want to know the answer, “what’s next forSeraThaniel?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

When she laughs, I relax a little.

“Well, it’s definitely not an ice cream date,” she chuckles, picking up the spoon from her soupy, melted ice cream bowl. “But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been hoping for this to happen since the day I watched you drive away.”

“Is that a yes to trying again?” I say with a voice full of hope.

“Yeah,” she says, grinning. “It is.”

Chapter 37

CHARGING STATIONS

Sera

Iswear, the moment I admit to Thane that I want to give our relationship another chance, he flips into “boyfriend mode.” The fireworks that night are rained out, so we spend the evening watchingMy Best Friend’s Weddingin the loft while everyone else plays games downstairs. It’s cathartic for so many reasons. Not just because I haven’t been able to watch that movie since he left, but also because I’ve forgotten just how amazing it is to be wrapped in his arms. Every inch of my body that can be touching his wants to be. Lying on that old leather couch with my head on Thane’s chest brings me back to life. My eyes are watching Julia Roberts wreak havoc in a bridesmaid dress, but the rest of me is falling asleep to the lullaby of Thane’s heartbeat in my ear. It doesn’t help that he absent-mindedly draws circles on my back and arm while I lie next to him. Before I know it, my eyelids are made of lead and I’m falling asleep. It’s not until the next morningthat I realize that he has fallen asleep as well, because when I wake up—stiff as all get-out but happy as a clam—someone has thrown a blanket over us and turned off the TV. And the best part is: this time, we don’t have to hide our relationship from our families.

I stir, trying my best to extract myself from Thane’s arms without waking him. But the moment I move, his brown eyes flutter open. I am not nearly as prepared as I need to be to be exposed to “morning Thane.” Although I’ve seen him a hundred times first thing in the morning, he’s different today. His messy hair and sleepy, content smile make me want to wake up like this for the rest of my life.