Page 47 of More For Me

“What do you need?” I say immediately.

He sighs, and when he speaks again, the frustration is replaced with remorse.

“Bodhi, I am so fucking sorry.” My stomach drops and he hurries to continue. “You know I was speaking at that conference at UC Berkley?”

Another flash of guilt to go along with the rest. I completely forgot about Leo’s conference, even though it’s a huge deal for him and his career to be singled out like that. What the fuck is wrong with me this week? One weird day with Everly and I become completely oblivious to everything else in my life.

“Of course,” I say, feeling like even more of a dick for lying. “How did it go?”

“Fine.” He sighs. “But my flight is canceled.”

It takes a second for his words—and their meaning—to sink in. When they do, I fall back into my chair. “Oh.”

“I’m trying to get out as soon as I can,” he hurries on. “I’m on the standby list for half a dozen airlines. But the fog in San Francisco is really bad today so everyone is delayed—”

“Hey, it’s okay, man,” I say, even though this feels far from okay. Leo always comes to this dinner with me. Every year since we became friends. He comes to dinner and then takes me out somewhere to get trashed when it’s over. That’s the only way I can get through it.

“It’s not okay,” he says sharply. “It’s not okay at all. I’m so fucking sorry, man. I should never have agreed to be up here today. I knew what the date was.”

But I didn’t. Because I’m the worst son on the planet.

“Really, Leo. It’s fine. I’m fine. Nish and I were just talking about the food, I’m going to pick up dessert from that bakery my mom likes. You know I’m always happy so long as I have sugar and carbs in my belly so—”

“Bodhi,” my best friend’s voice is gentle. And really fucking sad. “Stop. You don’t have to do this. Not with me. Not today.”

God damn it, now I’m going to cry.

Normally I wouldn’t care—it’s not like it would be the first time I’ve ever cried in front of him. But today…I can’t start crying today. I can’t let myself feel like that. If I do, I’ll never get through it.

“I wish you could be here,” I admit instead, throat thick. “But I’m not mad. It isn’t your fault, Leo.” I swallow, fighting back the emotion. “You’ve gone out of your way for us every year since we met. I appreciate it.”

“Fuck that,” he snaps, angry now. “It’s not going out of my way to be with my best friend on the worst fucking day of his year.” He curses under his breath. “I should be there. Maybe I can rent a car or—”

“It’s a six-hour drive.” I don’t point out that he shouldn’t be spending money on a rental. It’s not like he’s bringing in bank with his research job. Sure, his wife is loaded, but Leo’s always been weird about money.

He sighs. “Let me call Rose. I know she’d be more than happy to go with you.”

“What? No.” It’s ridiculous how scared that idea makes me. Rose is one of my favorite people, but I have no desire for her to be in that house with me tonight. I don’t know what Leo has or hasn’t told her, but it makes me feel sick to think about her being there, seeing it.

He’s silent for a moment. “Does Everly know?”

“No,” I snap, tone sharp. “And I don’t want her to.”

“Bodhi.” I can hear the frustration and remorse in his tone. “I don’t want you to do this alone.”

“I won’t be alone.” I try to instill as much cheer into my voice as possible. “Nish will be there. The kids will be around. And, you know.” I swallow. “My parents.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” he mutters.

I rub my forehead. So tonight just got a little harder. Big deal. It’s not like it was ever going to be easy. “Look, I should go. I’m working on this photo book—”

He groans. “And how late did you stay up doing that?”

I ignore him. “I really appreciate you trying, Leo. Maybe we can hang out when you get back?”

“Of course,” he says quickly. “We can do whatever you want. Go to a bar and get trashed. Eat our weight in ice cream. I’ll even watch aBachelormarathon if you want.”

I laugh, trying to hide how choked up that makes me. “Sure. We’ll figure it out when you get back to town. Be safe, okay?”