Page 36 of More For Me

“How did you know I was out here?” I ask, cracking the door.

“You think I couldn’t hear you clomping up the stairs in those shoes?”

I peek inside and my breath catches when I see him. He’s not sitting at his desk, like I expected. Instead he’s lying flat on his bed, on top of the covers, his head propped up on pillows, an open paperback book resting on his chest. He’s in a gray t-shirt and worn jeans, his feet bare, and has one arm bent behind his head.

Apparently seeing Bodhi’s rolled up sleeves last night broke something in my brain, because all I can think about is how good his arms look. His chest isn’t bad either. And why the hell do his bare feet look sexy?

What are you doing?I ask myself, a swell of panic rising up in me.This is Bodhi. You can’t make it weird.

“Hey,” he says, tone suddenly more cautious, and I curse myself for being so obvious. He totally noticed me creeping on him.

But he surprises me when he narrows his eyes, studying my face. “What’s wrong? Did something happen at lunch?’

“Why do you think something’s wrong?”

He rolls his eyes, sitting up a little, and I have to avert my eyes from the way his shirt bunches up around his flexing stomach muscles. “You think I can’t tell when something is bothering you? Your shoulders are doing that hunching thing.”

I stare at him, feeling a very unwelcome stinging in my eyes. It’s so nice to have someone who knows you so well, someone whoseesyou. His expression softens as he studies my face, then he lies back against the pillows and pats the mattress next to him. “Come here.”

I comply immediately, climbing up onto the bed and moving under his arm to snuggle into his chest. Bodhi and I have always had this kind of relationship—we’re both naturally touchy people, always the first to hug our friends. It’s not at all unusual for us to snuggle when we’re watching TV or chatting, just the two of us.

I can’t help but feel like it’s different today, though. There’s a sense of awareness that wasn’t there before. Maybe it’s the fact that I can close my eyes and see the way he looked last night so clearly, the image branded into my consciousness. Or maybe it’s the reminder of his size and warmth, of the way my body reacted to his proximity when he helped with my necklace.

Or maybe you’re just being a silly girl, Everly.

I rest my head on his chest, allowing myself to take in the familiar, comforting smell of his laundry detergent. “I’m sad. And I feel like a jerk about it.”

“Why’s my Lele sad?” he murmurs, tossing his book to the side to make room for me.

“Fox has this really amazing opportunity. And I’m excited for him. I really am. But I’m also a little afraid.”

“Afraid for him?”

“That’s part of it.” I’m protective as hell about my cousins and sisters. We’ve all had way too much experience with how shitty the world can be to people for absolutely no reason. The idea of Fox being out there, doing something huge like this, exposing himself to all the assholes in the world…that scares me.

But it isn’t what’s really bothering me now.

“I think I’m scared because things might change. And that makes me feel guilty because it means I’m selfish.”

He makes a scoffing noise, his chest rumbling under my cheek. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met in my life. You’re probably the least selfish person on the planet.”

I roll my eyes, though he can’t see me. If anyone in this room might be able to claim that title, it’s Bodhi.

“It’s normal to be afraid about change,” he says, his voice deepening a little. I suddenly wonder if he might be referring to more than just what I said about Fox, but I push that thought away.

“My family is everything to me.”

“I know.” He runs his fingers through my curls—also not weird for us. But I feel it more tonight, like there are nerve ending from the strands of hair that go straight to my belly, making my skin tingle.

“A lot has already changed,” I continue. “Will and Rose got married. River had a kid. Alex and Wyatt are engaged.” Guilt crashes over me. “I’m so happy for them. I truly am—”

“You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Everly. I know how you feel about your family.”

I close my eyes. “I just…don’t want to be left behind.”

He tightens the arm he has around me. “I get that. I felt the same way about Leo at the wedding.”

I tilt my head to see his face, surprised. “You did? But you acted so…happy.”