Page 94 of Layla

That sucks the wind right out of me.

Haylee keeps talking. “I’m not going to say that I’ll never fuck up again. I’m not going to say that I never have a panic attack anymore, that I never freak out. But I can promise you this—I’m not going anywhere. You can count on me. I’m not like her, Layla.”

Fuck. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, and it’s hard to breathe. Is that really what I’ve been thinking all these years? Have I really been afraid that she’s going to leave me like my mom had?

Like everyone does,a little voice in my head whispers.

“No,” I whisper back. Because everyone doesnotleave. Dee didn’t. The people at this table didn’t.

I can’t live the rest of my life being afraid all the time. Or being mad all the time. I have really good things in my life. Haylee is one of them. So are the rest of the assholes at this table. And I’m going to end up just pushing them away if I can’t let go of my past.

Just like John pushed me away.

I blink a few times before meeting Haylee’s gaze head-on. “You’re right,” I tell her. “I’ve been afraid for a really long time. And I need to let that shit go.”

She breathes out, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Hell yes, you do.”

I manage a shaky laugh before she’s pulling me into another hug. “God, you’re such a weepy bitch today,” she mutters into my hair, but I can hear the tears in her own voice too.

“Hey, I’ve managed not to threaten our boys’ fragile male egos with tears for years now,” I tell her. “I think I’m due for a little weep.”

She laughs, letting me go to shove some napkins into my hand. I look around to see that our area of the restaurant has completely cleared out. Sean winks at me from across the way and I know he’s responsible for herding the other guests away to give us our privacy.

And just like that I’m crying again.

“What’s wrong now?” James asks, sounding more than a little panicked. I wasn’t kidding about their fragile male egos.

What the hell—I’m already crying in fucking public, for God’s sake. May as well tell them the rest.

“John left.”

I glance around the table to see confused faces—except for Dylan, who looks angry.

“He left?” Lance asks. “What do you mean, he left? I thought he was in charge of your security?”

“Guess he decided to stop doing that after we hooked up and things went to shit.”

Dylan winces but Haylee smacks the table again, this time looking excited. “I knew you were into him!”

“Yeah, well, that didn’t work out so great for me.”

“What happened?” Lance asks. “If he put your security at risk over a personal issue—”

I hold up a hand. “He made sure I had a new babysitter.” I nod over at Sean, his back to us now as he scans the street outside.

Haylee is watching me. “This wasn’t just a hook-up.”

It wasn’t really a question but I shake my head anyway. “I really liked him.”

“I’m sorry, Layla,” Dylan says, his voice sincere. “You want to tell us what happened?”

“You got scared?” Lance guesses.

I stare at him. “Why would you think that?”

He shifts, uncomfortable. “I just…you know. Commitment, that’s not really your…” I must really be glaring at him because he clears his throat. “I know you aren’t always comfortable letting people in. That’s all I’m saying.”

I think about that for a moment. “You know what, normally I would say you’re right. I’m terrible at that shit.” I gesture around at them. “I obviously had trouble letting you all in when things got scary and I know you better than anyone in the world.” I swallow, another lump coming to my throat. “But it wasn’t like that with him. I was…fuck, I wasbrave.”