Page 82 of Good For Me

“That’s not the point, River!” she cries, looking close to tears.

“What’s the point, then?”

“I suck at this!”

I study her face, bewildered. “You suck at what?”

“Being pregnant!”

“I’m not sure being pregnant is a skill, babe.”

She jabs a finger into my chest, looking pissed. “I can do without your little jokes,babe.”

I hold up my hands. “Sorry. I’m just not sure what you mean.”

She points at her belly. “I should have known not to skate! You know what the first line of that article said?” Her face twists up, like she’s trying not to cry. “‘Of course, every mother knows the last thing she wants to happen in a pregnancy is a fall.’That’s what it said.Of courseevery mother.”

“Jas—”

“I didn’t give falling a single thought. It never even occurred to me.”

“It’s the first time you’ve ever done this, Jas. No one could expect you to be an expert already.”

“But isn’t it just common sense? Obviously hurtling around in the air on a ramp isn’t the best thing for a baby! How did I not think of that?”

“I didn’t think of it either,” I point out. “We’re both pretty clueless about pregnancy and—”

“It’s different for you,” she argues. “You’re not the one carrying the baby. This is my fault.”

“So because you have a uterus you should automatically know what you’re supposed to do? That sounds like some bullshit, Jas.”

“But aren’t I supposed to have some like, maternal instincts?” The tears that have been threatening finally spill over her lashes, pouring down her cheeks. “What if I’m not capable of motherhood? What if I’m terrible at it? I could have hurt our baby because I was too busy having fun to even think about being safe. How selfish is that?”

“Hey.” I can’t handle the sight of her tears. I finally give in to the urge to take Jas into my arms, relieved when she melts into me. “I don’t know a thing about maternal instincts or when they kick in. But I know you’re not selfish.”

“I didn’t think about the baby once that whole time, River,” she sobs.

“Okay, what if you had thought of it? What if I had a bad feeling about you skating and mentioned it? If you knew there was a risk, would you have done it anyhow? Would you have skated just because it was fun and you didn’t give a shit?”

“Of course not.”

“Then you’re not selfish, Jas. There’s a difference between uninformed and selfish. Right now, we’re both a little uninformed.”

“I’m not saying I didn’t think about the baby’s safety. I’m saying I didn’t think aboutthe baby.Not at all. For hours. That can’t be normal.”

“Fuck normal,” I say firmly. “There’s no such thing as normal. There’s just people trying their best.” She continues to cling to me, but her sobs lessen slightly. “This whole thing has been overwhelming and confusing for you,” I tell her. “You’re not going to have all the answers right off the bat, okay? I sure as hell don’t.”

“But what happens if I do something stupid like that again?”

“I think we’re both going to do plenty of stupid shit before this baby is born,” I say, laughing. “And I’m sure I’ll be responsible for most of it. But we’re also going to get more information so we both make better choices going forward. We’ll talk to the doctor some more and we’ll like, buy baby books or some shit. We’ll research the hell out of this thing. I’ll have a fucking PhD in Google research before you hit the third trimester.”

She gives a watery laugh. “We can start with the link to that article I just read. That lady had lots of opinions on what I should and shouldn’t be doing.”

“Screw that lady,” I tell her. “She sounds like a snarky asshole. We’re going to find cool people to tell us what to do.”

It occurs to me that there are several pretty cool people right here on this property that probably would have known Jas shouldn’t have been on a skating ramp. But I don’t mention it. I think she’s had enough emotional bullshit to deal with this morning without bringing my family into it.

She steps back and the sight of her red, tear-stained face makes my chest ache. I bring my palms up to cup her cheeks, wiping away the tears with my thumbs. “It’s going to be okay, Jas. We’re going to get through this.”