Page 114 of Good For Me

“I need you to understand that I’m serious,” he says softly. “I’m serious about being a good parent to this kid. I’m serious about you. I want us to be a team here. And I sure as hell am going to pull my weight.”

“But we haven’t even decided if we’re raising the baby,” I whisper, and the words physically hurt when they come out. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt that way, either. More and more, the mere idea of adoption makes me ache, deep inside, in a place I’ve never felt before.

“I know what I want,” he says softly, and the pain in his eyes tells me he’s feeling the same ache. “I know you’re not there yet, but I know what I want. So until you decide, my job is to show you what kind of partner you would have in me.”

God, this man. I was so completely wrong about him. He isn’t flakey or irresponsible. He’s strong and he’s brave and he’s so damn loyal. He might just be the best person I know.

And what have I given him in return? Nothing but doubts and holding back.

“I talked to my uncle this afternoon,” I blurt out.

River looks momentarily confused and I can’t blame him. That was a pretty big subject change. “Yeah? He hear anything from the fire inspector?”

“He did. The building is structurally safe enough to start repairs but they told him to expect a pretty extensive renovation. The kitchen was pretty much destroyed.”

“Shit,” River mutters. “That sucks.”

“Thank God for insurance,” I agree, then swallow, feeling a swell of nerves. “It will be a while before we’re allowed to live in the apartment, though.”

River’s posture changes ever so slightly. “What’s he going to do? Does he have somewhere to stay?”

“Depending on how long it takes, he might rent something short term. For now he’s staying with Chris and Brie.”

“That’s gonna get crowded pretty quick.” He pauses. Swallows. Seems to steel himself. “What about you? What’s your plan?”

My nerves grow, but I refuse to let them stop me from doing what I know I need to. It’s time to show him that I can be a partner, too. That he can count on me, the same way I’m learning to count on him. It’s time to be brave.

“I wondered if your offer to stay for a while still stands? If it’s okay with your cousins, of course.”

He blinks at me, like he doesn’t know what to say. I feel a shot of doubt—what if he doesn’t actually want this?—but push it down.Be brave.

“I thought it would help us to get to know each other better,” I say. “See how well we actually get along on a day-to-day basis.” I take a deep breath. May as well put it all out there. “And I’d like to spend time with you. The last few days have been great and I don’t want to leave. I think—”

Before I can finish my sentence, he takes my face between his hands and presses a hard kiss to my mouth, making me every bit as dizzy as I was outside the diner. I vaguely wonder if I’m going to feel like that every time he kisses me from now on, then immediately wishfrom now onlasts a hell of a long time.

When he pulls back, he’s grinning. “Of course you can stay with me. Iwantyou to.” Another kiss. “I was going to try to talk you into it tonight.” Another kiss. “You can stay forever.”

I have to fight to keep a giddy little giggle from erupting. “I don’t know how your cousins would feel about that. Especially once there’s a crying baby in the picture.”

His eyes widen and I realize what I said. A crying baby. Apparently in this future scenario I’m picturing, the baby is very much with us.

“Jas…”

Something is rising up in me. Something overwhelming and terrifying. I want to hide from it, want to pretend it’s not real. But I’ve been pushing it down for so long and all of a sudden, I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

And right then, right when I’m trying to gather up the courage to say what I need to, is when I feel it. A tiny little flutter, low in my belly. I freeze, pressing a hand to the spot.

It’s just indigestion,I tell myself.Your stomach is unsettled because it’s late and you ate those onion rings with Brie.

But I feel it again, and Iknow. This has nothing to do with food or the hour. That feeling is the baby.

River’s face suddenly fills my vision as he leans over me, filled with concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I breathe, mind spinning. I felt the baby. I know I did.

“Jas?” He doesn’t sound at all convinced. He sounds pretty damn freaked out.

But I don’t feel freaked out, not in the slightest. When I first found out about the pregnancy, one of the many, many things that scared me was the thought of actually carrying the baby. I thought it would feel weird, gross even, to feel another living thing inside me. I confessed this to Brie right after she took me to the clinic and she started calling it the pod person in an attempt to make me laugh.