Page 115 of Good For Me

But this doesn’t feel weird or gross. It feels…amazing.

I grab River’s face and pull it close to mine, so our foreheads are touching.

“You’re freaking me out,” he admits.

“I’mfreaking out,” I manage, and his big warm hands start to rub circles on my back.

“Jas—”

“I felt the baby, River,” I murmur into his ear. “I felt it.”

His body tenses then he’s pulling back to stare at me. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. Just now.”

He laughs, looking every bit as amazed as he had when we saw the ultrasound. I laugh too, a bubble of happiness rising up in me.

“I think I want to keep it,” I whisper. “I want us to raise this baby.”

River’s jaw clenches and I get the feeling he’s making a concerted effort not to react too strongly yet. “Are you sure?”

I nod, even as fear fills my gut. Because I am sure, scared or not. The truth is, I’ve been sure for a while. I guess I just needed this extra push to admit it.

“I’m positive. This is our baby, River.”

Then his hands are cupping my face, his lips pressing hard against mine. He kisses me so hard I can’t breathe. But it doesn’t matter—right now I’m pretty sure I don’t need air. The only thing I need is this feeling. This knowledge that our baby is wanted and loved andreal.

Maybe I should be freaking out—deciding to raise a baby is a pretty big freaking deal—but it’s hard to feel anything but happy and safe with River’s lips on mine here in the dark interior of his Jeep on some nameless street in Los Angeles.

In fact, I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy and so safe. So I decide for once in my life to stop worrying, stop planning, and just enjoy it.